Aug 29, 2009

Damn, That was Close!

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 18 friends have commented
A few months ago, we took the kids to the doctor. The doctor that seemed confused as to why we were taking them to see him when they weren't sick. The doctor that did a good job and gave me a lot of new information. Also, the doctor that gave me the WRONG information.

I asked him about getting Nae vaccinated against cervical cancer. Giving her the Guardasil vaccine. The SAME vaccine I was against when it first came out. The SAME vaccine that I thought about for MONTHS before taking Nae to the doctor. The SAME vaccine that I specifically asked him about. The same DAMN vaccine that he told me was "fine" to give to girls and that the only side effects were just like any type of vaccination. He gave me a prescription to get her vaccinated at a different clinic, I put it in my purse. It's still in my purse. I never took her to get it because it didn't feel right. I tried so many times to talk myself out of my hesitation and just do what the good doctor said would benefit my daughter. I never convinced myself it was a good thing to do and I am SO glad I followed my instincts on this one!

I was catching up on my blogs and came to rocket.queen's post about an article she read about Guardisil. I read it about three times. Each time my heartbeat got faster and my palms sweat with every sentence. I thanked my gut instinct for kicking in and talked to Dirty about the article. We won't be getting Nae vaccinated for cervical cancer right now. Maybe not ever.

The thoughts that are running through my head, right now, are not pretty thoughts. I have images of getting her vaccinated and then something horribly wrong happening. She becomes very ill, her whole life changes because I insisted she get this vaccination. Or worse, she dies because the research about death didn't make it to my doctor. I am relieved to tears that I kept her safe from this ONE thing. The one thing I'm "suppose" to do, I didn't do and I can never be thankful enough to my gut instinct. Nor can I ever be thankful enough to rocket.queen for posting about this article. I can't be thankful enough to Dr. Diane Harper for speaking out.

Please, read the article and pass it on to everyone. Research is a good thing, even if one has to dig deep to find it. Even if it comes in the form of a blog where the last thing on your mind was cervical cancer.

Aug 23, 2009

A Day FIlled With Emotions

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 34 friends have commented
Today was a very productive day. The children got new beds and we moved everything out, cleaned under beds (GROSS!), cleaned out closets, got rid of old clothing and FINALLY put the new beds in and their room looks AMAZING! I'm so happy with it. Nae is happy that she has her own space and Zilla is just ecstatic because his bed is higher then it was before.

After that was done, apparently it was time to do the rest of the house? Not quite sure where that idea came from, but it got done. The front room was dusted, organized and rearranged. Our room was cleaned up and Peaches' corner was put in order. We were even able to use an old small dresser for her clothing. And it fits in the closet, so it's all nice and neat. Which, sadly this excited me. I even cleaned the kitchen! I haven't moped yet, but it was swept and the counters were cleaned AND all the dishes are put away. WHEW!

In the midst of all of this, Peaches found out that her daughter disobeyed her punishment and went on the Internet a few days ago. She called her ex husband to make sure he knew about it, which he didn't and to see if she had been taken off restriction, which she wasn't. She was frustrated and didn't know what to do. We kind of got into a heated discussion about it. I'm pretty sure I came across as a bitch. Even though I didn't mean too, I haven't apologized for it, nor do I feel bad about it.

Peaches doesn't know what to do about Niece. She doesn't know how to make her see the path that she is going down. My suggestion was that she goes over to her ex husband's house while he is at work and take Niece somewhere. Not stay at his house all day long, that wold be weird, but there are OTHER things to do with a 13 year old then sit on the couch at your ex husband's house. I also suggested she take her to the park that is right there. They live right in the middle of town, so there are MANY things to do that don't cost money. Or very little money. They could get an ice cream at McDonalds. They could go to Goodwill and look around. There are plenty of schools and parks right there, many things for the two of them to do. Hell there are many things Peaches and her children could do! (she has three) She didn't think any of my ideas were good ideas. She had an excuse for every one! She doesn't have a driver's license, so she would have to get a ride. She gets a ride every where she goes! How is this different?! Her ex husband just moved in wiht his girlfriend and going over to her house would be weird, too. Yes, I agree. But you don't have to stay there! Nope, no go! See? I'm getting all frustrated and bitchy again! This is exactly how our conversation went. I told her Niece needed SOMETHING! She said she'd give that to her in 3 months when she gets her apartment. "OMG it'll be too late by then!" her reply was, "3 months? You think it's going to be too late in three months?!" "PEACHES! Look what has happened in the LAST month!" Then we got interrupted and then she left. She didn't leave because we had our argument, she had already made plans to go to a BBQ *sigh*

After she left, I talked to Dirty and Roomie about it. I am so upset about this. And the worst part is that there is nothing I can do! Niece isn't my kid, I'm not her parent. So, my hands are tied, again! I love Peaches' kids like they are my own. I've known them all their lives. I've spent the last 4 years IN their lives. I was their mom, when theirs moved to a different state. I was their father when he was at work. I WAS their parent. I put a lot of my energy, emotionally and physically into raising them for over a year. And now? Now Niece is going to be a crack head stripper. And there is nothing I can do! All I can do is sit back and watch.

The worst part is that Niece has more potential then just about any other 13 year that I know. She is beautiful. She has this natural beauty that rivals anything a plastic surgeon can do. She has these amazing blue eyes that are so bright and mysterious. She has a NICE body, due to amazing genes. But mostly she is a smart kid! She can pull her grades from an F to an A+ and be on the honor roll without even thinking about it. Everything comes so easily to her, it's sickening, but I can SEE what she COULD do with her life. Instead, I'm seeing what she WON'T do with her life.

When I was talking to Dirty about it, I started crying. I kept saying "If this was Nae and we were divorced and I wasn't in her life as much as I should be, you wouldn't let this happen! I love those kids like they are ours. I can't believe nobody is doing anything!" He said "Hon, they are not our kids. She isn't our child. We can't DO anything. They will see their mistakes someday, but in the mean time, we need and can't do anything."

I know he's right, I really do, but FUCK! It is not easy! This whole situation can be fixed! It's not to late! I can see the answers, why can't they?! What they hell are they going to do when Niece is doing drugs in a year or is having unprotected sex because nobody taught her any better? For the love of God, she's just a baby!

To top this day off, Zilla spilled a glass of water on Nae's baby book and we had to do a quick recovery of all things baby related. Not only did that suck because there will be no more babies coming into our family, but there were cards and letterers in there from my mom. I had to take everything out and make sure everything was dry and so I HAD to read or at least glance at every card. I saw my mom's handwriting and had to close my eyes and take a deep breath.

Damn this sucks! This day was a productive day, but yet, so emotional. And there is NO wine in the house! AHHHHH! Guess I'll have to take a bath, instead. Which is probably a better idea, anyway....

Aug 22, 2009

August ICLW!

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 30 friends have commented
HAPPY ICLW all!

I'll give you a quick low down of what this blog is all about. I'm a 33 year old Beautiful Mess. I gave myself that nickname when I heard the song by Jason Mraz *dreamy sigh* entitled A Beautiful Mess. (My blog title, I borrowed from the album the song is on. Obsessed much?) It described me perfectly as I was grieving the loss of my mother. Who passed away January 15, 2006. Although, I didn't actually grieve her death up until December and came to the apex in May.

I tend to blog about life after losing my mom and what it's like to not have her here with me, in person. I'm married to Dirty (I've changed his name from Husband to Dirty, it fits better) We do have two children. Nae is 12 and Zilla is 6. We encountered secondary infertility due to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) when Nae was 1 1/2. We had two miscarriages along the way and when we got one to stick, I was a mess! I got shingles (really!) and they couldn't give me anything because none of the doctors had encountered a pregnant woman with shingles before! Everything was fine in the end, but the journey to get there was NOT an easy road.

We are done building our family due to many factors. One being getting and STAYING pregnant isn't easy for me. Two, I don't do pregnancy well. I have severe morning sickness, I get PPD, and pre term labor. My pregnancy with Zilla was the worst. As happy as we were to have our second, I went bat shit crazy! My poor husband and family, I swear. Also, I can't imagine going through another pregnancy without my mother.

My mother and father were and are very special people in my life. I am very close to my dad and I dread the day he joins my mom.

Due to my mother's death, I haven't lived life to the fullest. I was scared for many years to go anywhere. I didn't like to leave the house and if I did, the family HAD to go with me. I avoided many situations, if there was a possibility I would cry. I HATE crying.

As of today, I'm working on my "death issues", as I like to call them. I'm trying to leave the house more without my family. I'm trying not to freak out if Husband isn't home when he says he'll be home. I tend to freak out when he tells me he's going to the market to get soda or something and isn't home in 15 minutes.

I also took a huge step and enrolled in college. I'm doing my pre-req's for the pre-nursing program. I've met just about every roadblock there is to meet, but I will NOT be discouraged and AM forging ahead. I got my class schedule on Wednesday and will start on September 28th. If my funding doesn't go through, I may have to start in January. But I won't know ANYTHING until...I have no idea. So, I will walk into my classroom on September 28th and will not move unless they pry my hands off the desk. The grant process is a long and difficult process. Anyone that tells you otherwise is LYING to you!

That's about it. I'm off to read more blogs and possibly add more to my Reader.

HAPPY ICLW everyone!

Aug 19, 2009

Hello Grief...

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 21 friends have commented
It's been a long time since I've had those thoughts creep up on me where I am sad about my mom being dead. I knew that the many changes coming up were bound to bring them up, but yet, I was/am unprepared for them.

I'm finding myself being hopeful then something getting mucked up and then feeling HOPELESS! Change happens and every time something doesn't go "as planned", there is really no need for me to act like Chicken little. That's just really silly. Even though I know this, it isn't preventing me from acting like Chicken Little. The sky is falling and I need to save EVERYONE! But I can't because I'm hopeless. It's a vicious circle that I run around in.

I know my mom is proud of me for making the strides to go back to school. Even though I seem to have met every firckin road block there is, I'm still forging ahead. It all boils down to the "What If" game I so love/hate to play.

What If mom hadn't died, would Little Sister have moved to Bend?

What If mom hadn't died, would dad being having as much trouble getting to his doctor's appointments?

What If mom hadn't died, would I still loathe to leave the house without the family in tow?

The last one is what I'm still struggling with. I know that it is OK to leave the house for a few hours and do whatever I need to do sans family, but I can't seem to talk myself out of it. I'm going to the beach with Roomie and a friend of ours and my first thought was "Nae has 2 friends coming over, I can't leave the house!" Husband saw the look on my face and HEARD the wheels turning in my brain and said "go, we'll be fine. The girls will entertain themselves and Zilla is playing over at the neighbors. Go, have a good time."

He's basically pushing me out the door because if left to my own (lack of) decision making skills, I'll stay home. This happens every time I try to do something on my own where I need to leave town. Shit, this happens when I go to the grocery store without the family. WTF?!

I hate leaving them, but I hate more that I can't. It's not that I feel the house will crumble if I leave, what if something happens and I'm not here?! That's the part that scares me so much. That's the part I'm terrified of. Something would happen just as easily if I'm here, too. But for some reason I feel more control if I'm here.

If I'm feeling like this now, how will I feel when I'm going back to school for hours a day? I can't screw up this chance to go to school just because "something MIGHT happen". That is not an option!

It's time to put on my big girl panties, face this fear and MOVE the hell on, already!

Step 1: Take a shower and stop stalling by blogging.

Step 2: Calm the hell down!

Step3" Go and have fun! For the love of Goddess, relax!

I sure hope that these feelings of sadness and hopelessness are just a part of the grief and not me going crazy. I do miss my mom and think about her all the time. Usually it's with a fond memory and a smile on my face. Lately it's with deep breaths and holding back the tears. UHG this sucks!

Aug 16, 2009

My Hands Are Tied

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 17 friends have commented
I am feeling SO much better today. Thank you for the laughs and good wishes. It's weird to not be able to move much, but have NO physical signs. My lovely husband referred to me as a Lamborghini. He said "you are hot and great 90% of the time, but when you brake down, you BREAK DOWN! And the repairs are costly. But you're worth it." All I could do was laugh because, DAMMIT, he's right! Although this time, all he had to buy to "fix" me was some Calamine lotion. Oh and he had to cook dinner one night. Even though all he did was throw a frozen lasagna in the oven. Still, he cooked it all the way through! YAY go hubby! ;o)

As I wasn't feeling so well, we found out my niece had her friend cut her hair...with a razor. We found this out because Nae was on Myspace and apparently Niece had told all her "friends" about it. Nae goes to Nieces pictures to see her new hair cut and OMG there are very inappropriate pictures of Niece on her page!

Niece is 13 years old but has the body of a 20 something year old and is VERY naive (or so we though). BAD combo! Her parents are completely oblivious of where this is headed. Well her father is. Her mother, I don't know, honestly. She took action, but not strict enough action.

When we saw the pictures her mother freaked out, called Niece and Niece's father and they had a talk about it. Her father made her take down the one that was the most inappropriate, but didn't look at the rest of them. Niece's mother took care of the rest, by calling her and telling her to take them down immediately. Which was done, but STILL. They were on the Internet already and I would be VERY surprised if they weren't copied onto some boy's (man's) computer. Plus they can be accessed through cache. She just does not get how serious this is. I don't think ANY of them do.

Husband and I made a point to talk to Nae about it, since that is all we can do. We aren't Niece's parents. We can't do anything. Our hands are completely tied. Which is so frustrating because I can see where this is going! Why can't they?!

Her punishment was, she was grounded from the computer for a month. That's it! Her page wasn't deleted. Her phone wasn't taken away. She was not told she couldn't go over to her friend's house with whom she took these pictures with anymore. Nothing! Just grounded from the Internet for a month. AAARRRGGGG

We told Nae that if she EVER does anything on the Internet even CLOSE to this, we will give her computer to Zilla. I swear if that was Nae, she would be in SO much trouble right now. She would be DAMN lucky she was sleeping on a bed!

I just want to say thank you to anyone who I have emailed with (Stacie) and asked for advice and you gave it to me AND made me listen! I'm not dumb. I know kids do stupid things on the Internet and off the Internet but I also know Nae is different. But I also know how fragile the pre-teen and teen years can be. I don't want to ever be so blind and think "oh not my kid" because YES it could be. If my "innocent" 13 year old Niece is doing it, then it could just as easily be Nae. This wasn't as much of a wake up call for me and Husband, as it was a confirmation on how right our decisions were that we made months ago.

I feel terrible that there is nothing I can do for Niece. I really hate that my "subtle" suggestions aren't being taken seriously. I hate that these parents are doing a damn thing about this incident. I am so frustrated because the road those kids are going down, is going to lead them in a bad direction. I will be very surprised if they get good grades this school year and none of them aren't doing drugs. Seriously.

Aug 14, 2009

Why I'll Make A Good Nurse

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 15 friends have commented
This will be short and sweet, as I can just barley move. The reason why I can't move very well is the reason why I'll make a great nurse some day.

I met with my counselor on Monday and I didn't get the news I had expected. Apparently there are MORE steps to the grant process. Which, I should have known because it was WAY too easy! But I thought I was going to catch a break. HA! Yeah right! So I finished the steps and I'm in limbo right now. I was a bit deflated, but if I have to push back my start date to winter term, then that's what will happen. I went to the workshop on Tuesday, got more info that looked like my start date was being pushed back. I got home and was feeling REALLY deflated. I was so looking forward to this! I was SO looking forward to going back to school next month. I really want to do this. I tried to shake it off, but I was just bummed.

Then Zilla wanted to go play in the rain. What better way to erase my bummed attitude then to play in the rain?! I grabbed Peaches and Nae and we all played tag. We had so much fun! Peaches and I ended up being "it" a bunch of times and were so tired (because we're OLD), we just stood by each other and tagged each other back and forth. Zilla ran up the street and knocked on Tracy's door and asked if she wanted to come out and play in the rain with us. She did AND she brought us Mojitos! WEEEEEEEE!!! We drank our delicious Mojitos and then decided to go soak in her hot tub. I dropped the kids off at home, changed into my suit and off to Tracy's, Peaches and I went. She was out of mix, so we ended up drinking rum and soda.

I've drank in a hot tub before and NEVER did I get as drunk as I did on Tuesday. That shit snuck up on me! I kept telling them "SHIT! I'm drunk! I don't want to be this drunk!" Roomie showed up and her and Peaches wisely took me home. I tried the "throw up what you drank" trick but for some reason my body didn't think that was a good idea. I get home and Husband tosses my ass in bed. Good plan on his part. Even though I didn't sleep, I talked for about an hour. He was none too pleased with me. Although, he was laughing the whole time, so I don't think he was REALLY that mad. I woke up the next morning feeling GREAT! I have no idea how that happened. I should have had a BAD hangover.

THEN as the day progressed, I started getting little red bumps on my body. I didn't think anything of it until the next day. I had them in places that were uncomfortable and they were multiplying by the hour. I was freaking out thinking I had shingles again. I texted Tracy because I had remembered her saying something about someone having bumps on their body that looked like bug bites. She looked it up online and it isn't bug bites, nor shingles (thank Goddess!!!) it's "hot tub folliculitis". What the hell is THAT?! I looked it up and Dr. Google said it's a bacteria that's common in warm waters, such as hot tubs, that gets into your hair follicles and INFECTS them! WHAT?! Are you kidding me?! Peaches didn't get it, Tracy didn't get it, only I got it!

It's really not as bad as it sounds. The bumps are barley noticeable and they don't really hurt, unless they are under your arms. Which, of course, mine are. They itch a bit, but the ones under my arms made my lymph nodes swell and made it difficult to move or wear clothing. I've spent the past two days in a sheet and walking so my limbs don't touch. Looks funny, but it does the trick.

If you ever get this, do NOT take a warm bath or a warm shower thinking it'll help with the itching and you can float in the tub. Why? BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE THEM WORSE!

And this is why I will make a damn good nurse some day. I know all sorts of weird things and have had all sorts of weird aliments. I'll list them all one of these days. It'll make a good post. We can all add to it and make our own medical dictionary. Dr. Google won't know what hit him!

Aug 7, 2009

Some Just Won't Ever Get It, Will They?

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 26 friends have commented
**children mentioned**

The other day I was emailing back and forth with my MIL and she asked about how my test went. I told her all about it and I also told her our plans on what was going to happen within the next few months. I told her our plans because she asked.

Generally my MIL and I get along really well. We've had our moments, but we're past them. I don't know if she ever had a problem with me, but I sure as hell had a problem with her and FIL a few years back. It wasn't just me, either. Husband was pretty pissed off at them, as well. Husband and I decided to just forget it and move on. We did this for Nae. She was just a baby when all the shit went down. We decided to allow them to be them and take it with a grain of salt. Nae will figure out her grandparents are assholes on her own. She didn't need to have the decision made for her.

Things were going great! OK, not great, but not too bad. MIL gave me advice a few times and them Husband told her to back off. "We were going to raise our daughter how we want to raise her. Not how YOU would raise her." Oooohhh go Husband! Now every time she tries to give us advice, Husband interrupts her and we move on. SCORE!!!

Then she sends me an email asking if Husband is going back to work anytime soon. I tell her that he will stay home with the children and do all that stuff while I go to school. I even told her about how when I get my class schedule *EEK* him and I are going to sit down and figure things out. She asked about daycare or Nae watching Zilla. Well, yes that's an option, but frankly we don't like that option. Zilla isn't Nae's responsibility, he is ours. I proceed to tell her how very over protective we are and the children have had ONE babysitter and that was the year before last when we HAD to do Christmas shopping. And that babysitter was my best friend. I know it's crazy and ya'll are rolling your eyes and thinking "damn that bitch is CRAAAZY" but it's how we are. And here's why...you're gonna LOVE this story. Grab your popcorn!

Before we got pregnant with Nae, my older sister would leave my nephew with either, Husband and I or my parents. Not because she was a single mom and had to work to support herself and her child but because she was a crack whore (told ya Fertility Chick). Literally, she was a crack whore. She would go out and sell her body for crack. We didn't have concrete evidence at the time, we found all that out later. So, nephew was basically raised by my parents and Husband and I. It was the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. My little nephew wanting his mommy who was too busy with her habit to see her son. Totally pissed off Husband and I. But because we loved Nephew so much, we did what was needed for him. Then we got pregnant with Nae. Everything went downhill with that pregnancy from the beginning. I got hit by a car while walking across a crosswalk(!) 8 weeks pregnant, morning sickness, potential heart problems for her, pre-term labor and bed rest. So we weren't really in a position to take care of Nephew anymore. Thankfully my parents stepped in.

Since we weren't involved as closely as before, we were able to really look at the situation and what it was doing to Nephew. We had a long discussion on how we wanted to raise our baby. I remember this conversation like it was yesterday. I was wearing a blue shirt and jeans, we were sitting at Shari's and Husband was sitting across from me. We were eating fries, he was drinking coffee and I was drinking tea. I looked at him and said "I do not want this baby to EVER feel the way Nephew has felt!" He, obviously felt the same. We decided that Nae didn't asked to be born. We made the choice to have this baby and we were not going to drop her off at whim. If we needed to do something, we either take her, one of stays home, or a RESPONSIBLE family member babysits her. We have never once regretted having that conversation or making that decision. Yes, there have been times when a movie with Hubby sounds good, but we will have time for that later.

Then we tried for years to have another and once we captured the dream, there was NO way in HELL we were letting it go! We became just a LITTLE bit more neurotic once Zilla was born. His first experience away from us, he was almost 6 months old and he and Nae stayed with my BIL and his wife while we had some friends over for New Year's Eve. We had so much fun and we knew both the children were safe. Then we woke up to about 6 inches of SNOW on the ground! Cue panic and chaos! "How the hell were we going to get the kids?! OMG did it REALLY dump a shit ton of snow on us?! Did we know this was coming?! WTF?!" Picture me running around the house like a mad woman, calling everyone I knew trying to get the children home. Thankfully my BIL had to go by our house to take someone to the airport and dropped the children off in his all wheel drive mini van. The children never really had a sitter after that.

Even the decision for me to go back to work was hard for us. Even though I would be taking the children with me. We were still having to give up some control over raising them. When I went back to work with Zilla, I told my boss I HAD to be in the infant room with him or I wasn't coming back. She rearranged the schedule and I was the new "baby room teacher".

I know you're thinking I smother my children, but I don't. I swear! They have a lot of fun with either, me or Husband. I've lightened up a bit and have allowed Nae to walk to the park with her friends, unsupervised. Zilla goes to his friend's house across the street and plays all day long, some days.

Anyway...I tell MIL abut how Husband is staying home with the children and how over protective we are. Even though she KNOWS it! She didn't really address that part of the email, but I felt I got my point across. That is, until her email today...

She emailed me telling about two jobs she found for Husband :-| I look at Husband and tell him "YOUR mother just emailed me about two jobs for you EVEN after I told her that you were staying home with the children for awhile!" He told me to not bother emailing her back, it's a waste of time, clearly. I didn't and I had pretty much forgotten about it, then it crawled to the front of my mind and now I can't let it go!

She completely disregarded they way we've chosen to raise our children! She made the choice to COMPLETELY ignore my email yesterday about how we NEED for Husband to be home, when I go back to school. The children aren't use to me being gone, so it'll a bit of an adjustment. I'm sure we're overreacting, but for right now this is OUR choice. We don't know what my schedule will be like. We don't know if my classes will be during the day while they're at school or at night. She knows all of this, yet she still emailed me to tell me about the job openings.

I'm sure she was just being a mom and passing along the info, but it still pisses me off.


Aug 6, 2009

What Happens When....

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 17 friends have commented
...Aunt Beck comes for a visit? Actually THE Aunt Becky didn't come for a visit *cry*, but her business card did! And here is what happened....

First, we had a cup of coffee and some girl talk. We, of course, had to get to know each other a bit more. We read each others blogs, but sitting across from one another with a nice cup of coffee seems more intimate, ya know? She told me about her glamorous life in Chicago and I told her about my boring life in Oregon. I asked if she wanted to go see the tractors and combines, but she declined. Very politely, I might add. *shrugs shoulders* It's what this town has to offer. I didn't say it was exciting...



Then we went outside in the backyard to have some fun! She met our resident dinosaur, Rexy. Who is always very cranky, but Aunt Becky must be the Dino Whisper, because he was so calm after they talked. I was able to take this picture, that's how calm he was! He NEVER lets us near him. Now, however, he's as sweet as a kitten! Thank you Aunt Becky for taming Rexy!

Then we laid out for a bit to tan our lovely selves. We grabbed a towel, I let her use one of my bikinis and we got all oiled up. We were gossiping like teenagers. We talked about which boys were SO cute. Which ones we thought weren't worth out time and which ones we'd let kiss us *GIGGLE*

We listened to music while we laid out and danced around a bit. Aunt Becky can DANCE! Don't let her tell you any different! We grooved! I showed her how to do the butterfly and she showed me how to do the Hustle. It was like our own personal dance party. I was really wishing I had bought that stripper pole because I'll bet ya she could show me a thing or two on that thing! Oh well, next time!

Once we were tired and out of breath from dancing, we laid back down and started Twittering on the DSi. It's not as cool as her iphone, but it worked. Everyone was SO jealous that I was hanging out with Aunt Becky! Heather even told me to send her pictures. Which, I did. Sorry Aunt Becky, but they were TOO good not to share! Then......


Some guys rolled on by. Because...hello! We're in bikinis and all oiled up! We were BOUND to get hit on. They asked us if we wanted a ride in their "rig". I was a bit unsure, but Aunt Becky convinced me and we hopped on it. They took us on a nice ride. That thing is very bouncy! the one guy was a bit "handsy" and he wasn't accepting that we were having a "girls day" and so we had to knock him down an notch or two and we came home. Thankfully Aunt Becky has an AMAZING way with words and left the one guy rocking back and forth in the fetal position crying for his mommy. *high five* way to go Aunt Becky!!!



We REALLY needed/wanted a drink or two after that. I got out the Bud Light Lime (shut up! it's good shit, yo!), Kahlua, and Schnapps. We drank and drank and smoked *bad girls* and talked and laughed and had a BLAST! We might have gotten a LITTLE bit carried away and MAY (or may not) have swam topless. But if they're no pictures, then there is no proof. Right Bex? (see how cool I am and how BFF's we are? I can call her Bex *smug*) After we drank all the booze in the house we decided to relax...


We went for a nice swim/float in the pool. I don't remember how Evil Pink Duck got in our raft, but there she was. I've never EVEN met Evil Pink Duck before. Oooohhh NOW I remember....we picked her up with the guys. She was in the truck when we got in. Apparently we took her home to party with us. I haven't seen her since. I hope she had fun! Did she go home with you, Bex?


So all in all, Aunt Becky and I had a GREAT day! I was sad to see her leave, but she had to. She has lots of other adventures to go on. You can read all about them HERE!

Aug 5, 2009

Show and Tell: My First Rodeo

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 19 friends have commented



Guess what happens when you take a city girl (ME) to the rodeo? She embarrasses herself AND her friend. Good times had by all!

Roomie was getting into her car when I jumped in front of her asking where she was going, all the while jumping around like an idiot. She gently put her hands on my shoulders and informed me she was going to the rodeo/county fair. "Can I go? Can I? Can I? Can I?" *jumping up and down* "I've never been to a rodeo before! Will I get to see the bulls?!" She thinks about her options. She can either let me go with her or she can say no and listen to me pout for days. The smart woman that she is, let me tag along. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

We jump in her car and drive to the OTHER end of town. That's how small and country this town is, we have a freaking rodeo/county fair here! We walk in and apparently there's some big and fancy country music singer there. Since I don't listen to country music, I have no idea who Jake Owen is. What I will say about him is that he has an AMAZING voice. He also sang an Alabama song I knew, How I knew that song, I have NO idea. Country was NOT allowed in our house growing up. From his picture on the poster, he isn't bad looking, either.

We get there and we walk around and I start smelling cows, pigs and such. Then we came up to a HOG AUCTION! A hog auction! How crazy is THAT?! I was so excited because I wanted to see these hogs and watch the whole thing. Roomie tells me "This is a SILENT auction, you keep your mouth shut and your hands DOWN!" Dammit, she knows me too well! So I said "yes ma'am and kept my hands behind my back. Until....I HAD to take a picture of the hogs. How could I NOT take a picture of the hogs?! And while I was taking a picture of the hogs, I had to get a picture of one of the farmers that were biding. How often am I going to see some guy in a BRIGHT orange shirt AND overalls?! Uhhhh NEVER!

The auctioneer was doing his thing. Which was really cool! And he said "sold for $3.00" I look at Roomie and we both say "a hog for $3.00?! No way!" We were wrong, it was $3.00 a pound. Which is STILL a good deal, but I wasn't about to pay a bunch of money to kill my own pork. That's what the grocery store is for! Plus...GROSS!

The auction ended and we kept on walking. I saw TRACTORS!!! Of course, I had to sit on one and have Roomie take a picture for me. I posted it on Twitter for Kim and I'm posting it here for Eden. Kim has a John Deere of her VERY own (SUPER COOL) and I knew she would be proud of me for sitting on one. Eden has a secret love affair with my pictures of tractors rollin down the street.

And that's what I did on my summer vacation ;o)
Head on over to Mel's and see what everyone else is up too.

Aug 4, 2009

Aaaaand DONE!

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 21 friends have commented
That was a long test! It took about two hours to complete. Most likely because I read everything, read the question, read what part of the story they were talking about, read the answers and read the same part AGAIN and then picked the answer.

The comprehension and writing parts were fairly easy. I scored "above average" on writing and "excelled" at comprehension. Apparently reading blogs and writing one of my own helped! YAY go blogging!!!

The math was a COMPLETELY different story! I suck at math! I really like math, but for some reason, it takes me awhile to "get it". I'm pretty sure that's because I make it more difficult in my head then it actually is. I've always done that. It's something to work on. The good thing is the teacher that I talked to after the test said that I won't need a lot of math in pre-nursing. I'll have to complete Geometry 1 for my pre requisite. That might change when I talk to my counselor on Monday. I'm not counting on ANYTHING anyone says until I have a piece of paper in my hand from the school that says this is what I need for pre-nursing.

He also said that most, if not all of my classes can be taken at the campus here in town. There are actually two campuses here in town, which I wasn't aware of. He said I shouldn't have to go to the main campus for at least two years. I sighed a BIG sigh of relief when he said that! I was wondering how we were going to get the kids to school, me too school, if I had to be 30 miles away at the same time the kids had to be at school.

I have an appointment with the counselor on Monday and he'll give me my schedule and we'll talk about the grant some more. I've heard that if there is any balance left over from the grant, that goes to me. But once again, I am not counting on ANYTHING until I either have it in writing, or in hand. I don't want to be greedy and take any money that I don't "need'. Sure it would be nice to have the balance transferred to my account, but if I don't "need" it, then I don't want to take it. I don't want to feel as if I'm taking advantage of anything or abusing this amazing opportunity I have been given.

I am so thankful I have this opportunity to go to school. I just don't want to screw it up! I want to do everything "by the book" and make the best of this opportunity.

I don't feel silly for freaking out. I did well on the test and I took it seriously. I'm glad I was so mindful of it because if I wasn't, it means it's not important to me. It IS important to me!

I feel very lucky to have so much support. I have Husband who is cheering me on and told me tonight that we would work out a routine for studying, schooling and household chores. I have all of you who I could feel today. All day I got text messages, comments and emails FULL of support and encouragement. Thank you all so much for that! Even if you did think I was being a silly drama queen ;o) This is really happening! WOW!

Nervousness? CHECK! Butterflies? CHECK!

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 15 friends have commented
I've got my placement test in about 4 hours and I am FREAKING out! I don't know what to expect, I haven't taken a test in YEARS, I suck at math unless I have time to work it out on my own, I'm very very nervous. I'm sure I'll do fine. I know it's to see what classes are the best fit for me, but that isn't making the butterflies go away. I've heard it really isn't a difficult test and "you'll do fine". To which, I agree! I'm not dumb, I'm just a (lot) bit nervous. After the test, I will make an appointment with a counselor to go over a schedule. The ball is rolling and I'm committed to stay on that ball no matter what, but that doesn't mean I'm any less scared out of my mind!

I'm sure when I get back, I'll read this and feel really silly. But right now? This is my reality. I may be acting like a drama queen, and I truly hope I am. I truly hope that this test will be easy. All this worrying for nothing. Silly me! If that's how I end up feeling, I will be ECSTATIC! I will be just fine with acting like a drama queen.

I know that there are a lot of things you could be doing, but if you could send me a thought or two of confidence my way, I'd REALLY appreciate it!

I'll post again when I get back and let ya'll know how easy it was and how silly I feel for acting so crazy. Catch ya on the flip side ;o)
 

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