tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181051446376235840.post6200648015937596675..comments2023-10-16T06:32:01.349-07:00Comments on Life induces thoughts,: Confused. Hurt. Angry! Betrayed?Beautiful Messhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02425541240465474148noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181051446376235840.post-49414990084473367852009-03-19T14:41:00.000-07:002009-03-19T14:41:00.000-07:00Late in joining this discussion I know, but i am a...Late in joining this discussion I know, but i am anyway.<BR/><BR/>You are right in your resolve to keep the kids away from him. It's hard for me to imagine that your dad knows and still wants the kids there. So many families want to hide the truth because then maybe it isn't so. <BR/><BR/>I am sorry for your pain and amazed at your strength. Far too many people would let their family bully them into allowing the kids to visit. You have the strength to stand by your choices.Stacey Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11925284727494784182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181051446376235840.post-63615994077837725432009-03-15T13:51:00.000-07:002009-03-15T13:51:00.000-07:00I can understand all of your feelings. I know you ...I can understand all of your feelings. I know you said that you're not sure if you are angry at your father or if it's just the situation. I think not only is it both - it's one in the same. <BR/><BR/>Although your father is a wonderful, caring and thoughtful man, (whom I wish I could have had a father like) I'm sure deep down you are angry with him for not exposing Frank for the disgusting pig that he is. I think that your father thought the best thing (given the circumstances) was to "sweep everything under the rug". Of course after he told him to never lay an f'n hand on you again. But, because there was no police report filed this had to remain a family secret. And the burden of that secret has fallen squarely on your shoulders. You choose to keep the status quo out of respect of the innocent family members you do care about. But that is a big burden to carry.<BR/><BR/>I think you made the right decision by not participating in family events that he attends. It is a shame that you have to also ex-communicate the other family members too. But, if that's what it takes to keep your family safe that's what it takes. It's just one more casualty of that person's terrible choice to have harmed you.<BR/><BR/>I'm not sure if this is possible, but perhaps you can give a single invitation to the cousins or your Oma to meet for pizza or something so they can see your kids. But, you call the shots. Don't be afraid to say I want to spend time with you but not him. No need to give details as to why. But, if it means that much to you to see the good family members - that might make you feel better. Again, it may not be possible and maybe we can just wish he gets hit by a bus. :o)<BR/><BR/>I believe your father continues to bring this up because in his mind beyond that time many years ago, he hasn't had to "deal" with this. Your mother took on that role. So, it probably took everything he had not to take the man out and beat him to death. And he probably left those feelings behind in that house because it was just too painful to bear. Not that he's forgotten per se, but pretending like everything's okay is probably his coping mechanism.<BR/><BR/>I'm sorry that you and I have to be in this awful, awful boat. I wish the world could swallow up all the child molesters and never spit them back out. But, you are doing a great job and if your family is only the family you stay connected with, then that is just the way it is.<BR/><BR/>Much Love,<BR/>xoxoxoLivhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08846513209156171820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181051446376235840.post-17137945954674035642009-03-14T14:36:00.000-07:002009-03-14T14:36:00.000-07:00I'm so sorry for what you've gone through and what...I'm so sorry for what you've gone through and what you continue to go through.<BR/><BR/>You have to do what is right for you and for your children. I'm shocked your father doesn't understand this and shocked the rest of your family isn't aware of the situation. If no one knows, it makes me wonder who else has suffered by him.<BR/><BR/>Sending you thoughts of strength and peace . . .Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11509124764568535676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181051446376235840.post-31933284880683633492009-03-14T13:39:00.000-07:002009-03-14T13:39:00.000-07:00You're doing for your children what you wish could...You're doing for your children what you wish could have been done for you. That is, not putting them in a situation that could be harmful to them. Of course, in your case, it certainly wasn't intentional, but knowing what you know now, it's perfectly understandable that you don't want them to not even breathe the tainted air, so to speak. <BR/><BR/>I think what is so galling is that you are put in the position of having to make the hard choices. You are the one that is missing your aunt and your cousins, you are the one that has to make up the excuses, the lies. You are the one that carries the ugly truth like a bomb. And that is infuriating!!!! YOU are not the guilty one, you are not the perpertrator, but you are the one that has to carry this around with her just to "keep the peace" so to speak. YOU are not to blame and that's the real crime - that you have to be the bearer of this secret. GRRRRR!!!!! Perhaps your father needs to be a father again.Deathstarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03925549983959400448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181051446376235840.post-72589377239683782512009-03-14T10:49:00.000-07:002009-03-14T10:49:00.000-07:00I think you hit the nail on the head when you said...I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you don't know what your mom and dad talked about and how much, if anything, he knows. From everything you've said about your dad, I have a hard time picturing him pressuring you into a family get together if he knew what a slimeball Frank was. <BR/><BR/>I'm glad hubby is supporting you in your decision to stay away, but I hurt for you that you are still bearing the shame of Frank's actions. EVERYONE in the family ought to know what that SOB did to you!(And again, I'm guessing from previous statements that they don't have a clue). Why you should you have to hid it like it was something sordid that you did?<BR/><BR/>Stand firm in your decision to protect yourself and your children. The rest will work itself out eventually. <BR/><BR/>Hugs for you!CappyPrincesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00586871115485250280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181051446376235840.post-40333798213486464482009-03-14T05:04:00.000-07:002009-03-14T05:04:00.000-07:00I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of thi...I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this and the added pressure from your dad on top of it. You absolutely have the right to make the choice not to go there.<BR/><BR/>Is there any way to see the rest of the family somewhere else? Invite them over? Go to lunch? Find a way to not see him?<BR/><BR/>Thinking of you!seussgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04000177197075148901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181051446376235840.post-24896166225438864442009-03-13T18:41:00.000-07:002009-03-13T18:41:00.000-07:00I am so sorry that you've had to deal with this si...I am so sorry that you've had to deal with this situation in your life. And I know you don't want to bring your children in to his house. But honestly I don't want YOU to have to go into that house. Even if you didn't have children I would hate for you to have to see him. I am sorry your dad doesn't seem to recognize that this is a ridiculous request. Maybe he doesn't understand.<BR/><BR/>You are doing what's right for you and what anyone in your situation would do. You are a strong woman to have to deal with this family secret.SShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02853957801933638507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181051446376235840.post-76966069759286666272009-03-13T14:46:00.000-07:002009-03-13T14:46:00.000-07:00OMG, I had no idea about any of that. You are a s...OMG, I had no idea about any of that. You are a strong, amazing woman. I think that you should stand by your choices regarding this situation no matter how anyone makes you feel. And you shouldn't have to explain yourself or make excuses to anyone, either. You have your reasons and that's good enough. It's great that your husband is so supportive of you as well.<BR/><BR/>I'm so so so sorry that you went though that and that you're still having to deal with it.sunflowerchildehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15209334933886664383noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8181051446376235840.post-81053639955249435432009-03-13T13:14:00.000-07:002009-03-13T13:14:00.000-07:00No one has the right to try and force you into fac...No one has the right to try and force you into facing this son of a bitch. Just because your family can turn a blind eye to what was done to you that doesn't make you selfish for not being able to. <BR/><BR/>I think you're being a responsible mother for not having your children near him. Like you said, even if they were on lock down perverts like this asshole will still find a way.<BR/><BR/>I just can't believe your father would be around this man if he knew all the details of what was done to you. Maybe he doesn't. If he does then shame on him! <BR/><BR/>Stand firm! *HUGS*GeekByMarriagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05852460217362049044noreply@blogger.com