Aug 27, 2010

End of Summer Term

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 6 friends have commented
You all have been with me through this whole year of school and have been the best supporters EVER! I wish I could do something super all kinds of exciting for each and every one of you, but sadly, I'm not rich (yet). But what I can offer you is the truth. I've never once lied to anybody on my blog. I've told y'all about the deepest darkest hole I was in when I was depressed about my mom's death. I mentioned Dirty's anxiety and never once did I get a comment telling me to grow up or get over something, you all have been SO amazing. And for that, I will confess to you that summer term SUCKED! Seriously sucked! I really enjoyed my psychology and health class, but typing and sociology, not so much. I WANTED to love sociology as much as I loved the other 2, but I couldn't. I could not grasp the theories or the theorists. I studied for every test and never once did I get anything above a C. I was so frustrated because I wanted SO badly to do well in this class and have everything stick, but it never happened. I ended up with a C in the class. The first time I've gotten a C in anything, in my college career, and I'm OK with it. I don't know if I'll take it again or not, but a C is what I got. It is what it is. I honestly did my best, that's pretty much all I can do.

Now typing is a completely different thing. I didn't struggle in this class because I can't type, obviously I can. I can actually type pretty fast. Getting the "home keys" down was a pain in the ass, but eventually I got em and ROCKED that class. Or so I thought....reading the syllabus is rule number ONE to succeed in college and guess who didn't do that? Yeah, that would be me. I was so focused on getting through the chapters and getting it over and done with that I didn't realize that all the work had to be turned in BEFORE finals week. So when I went to turn in my work the Monday of finals week and was told "I don't accept work the last week of term", I knew right then and there I failed the class. I screwed up, it's nobody's fault but my own, I own that. I got my first F and it feels just as shitty as I thought it would. I'm upset with myself, but also I know that beating myself up over it isn't going to change my grade. The best I can do is take it again in the fall or winter and get an A in it and hope that the ONE F on my transcripts won't screw up my chances of getting into the universities I want to get into to. Any thoughts?

The good thing about this is that if I'm going to fail a class, failing a one credit class is the way to go. It didn't even effect my GPA much, my GPA went from a 3.76 to a if I'm going to put a positive spin on this whole thing, that's going to be it.

So, yeah...that sucks, but life isn't over and I know it's my fault and I can do better and I will.

Aug 20, 2010


Musings of A Beautiful Mess 19 friends have commented
 The back deck and our housewarming gift from Dirty's parents.
 The front room and our new couches. Love them, SO comfy!
 The landing to the front door. Don't love the color of the stairs or the linoleum, but that'll change in time.
 Where the stove WILL be in a few days. Thank GAWD for the grill, otherwise we'd all be eating pizza. It is NOT easy not having a range to cook on.
 The ugly curtains that are coming down as soon as I have new ones. I can't even describe how much I don't like these. We have them in the front room too.
 My kitchen ;o) Love the counter tops, they're stone. So easy to clean and match the floors nicely.
 The pretty floors we have in the kitchen and the dinning room. We are ALL in agreement that we HATE the cabinets, but once again, all in time. We'll be here for awhile, so no hurry.
 Our bed, where the magic happens, yo! Notice the no headboard or foot-board? Classy!
 The master bathroom! Not so much in love with that cabinet, but we haven't figured out what to do with it yet.
 Our sink, don't love the dark counter-top, but there's a Lowe's right down the street ;o)
 Nae's room. It's normally the cleanest room in the house, but she has a friend over and they got all wild and crazy. She has all kinds of fun ideas for her room. Can't wait to see the finished product.
 Zilla's room, by far the messiest room in the house. I swear there is NO way we're going to be able to make him keep it clean. I'm scared of the teenage years..EEK!
 The front yard, this was a few days before we got the keys. They have since taken down the post. We're thinking of putting a tall lamp post there, but we have some yard work to do first. That's Dirty's job.
 The kids' bathroom. It's VERY small but has a nice deep tub that will have to be refinished or replaced in a few years, the color is awful. And the cabinets! What the hell is with the single handle in the middle?!
Part of the backyard. The backyard is HUGE, as is the back deck. We're thinking about getting a big pool and putting it in this area and a hot tub under the deck. Just throwing out ideas right now.

And that's OUR new house. We love it and are looking forward to putting some work into it to make it OURS.

Aug 14, 2010

Teaching Lessons

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 5 friends have commented
I did take pictures but I can't find the thingy that I put my SD card in to load the pictures from my phone. I think its in the junk drawer, but I'm afraid to look in there because Dirty has been putting EVERYTHING in that drawer. I'll look and take more pictures tonight. I must warn you though...there are boxes and bags still unpacked, not to mention UGLY curtains and paint on the walls. Just sayin...

Anyway, I had to share something with all of you and I just KNOW you will appreciate it! My favorite class this term was psychology, best class EVAH! We ended up having an amazing class discussion about various diseases that could be tested if one was to do IVF. Of course me being the crusader of making at least ONE class discussion on this topic, I was the one who started it and peppered my professor with all my questions. It was going great until this one *deep breath* woman (and I use this term LIGHTLY) said the most insensitive thing ever! It took everything I had not to turn around and smack the stupid right out of her head. But because I know it wouldn't have done me any good, I just took a lot of deep breaths. When I mentioned that I know a lot of people doing IVF for infertility and some doing it for reasons so as not to pass on a disease to their child, the woman says "sounds like natural selection to me". I know, right?! Rage was flowing through my veins, I tell you! Instead of lowering myself to her level, I just mentioned  "I had difficulties conceiving my son and he DOES deserve to be walking this planet just as much as anyone else". Of course you can't change stupid with one remark so I decided to do an extra credit project on infertility.

It was both amazing because I was teaching others who had no idea what infertility was and also I found a lot of information in my family"s history that I didn't know. When I came home from that class, I was so mad! I even texted Geek and Due and ranted and raved to them. Dirty got the brunt of it though, poor guy. He tried to defend her saying "she might have had a bad experience with infertility and is lashing out." And if that were the case, I would have forgiven her, but it wasn't, she was just being ignorant and stupid. Not to mention the fact that she offended me and many of the people that I love so dearly.

When I talked to my professor about my project she said it was a great idea and even though she didn't name any names, she said "it would be good for others in our class to see a side of infertility that not many see." She also counseled a couple of infertile couples during her career and has some friends who have gone through treatments. So the scene was set and I worked on my project for a few weeks and it turned out great. I presented it to the class and of course Stupid (I think that's a perfect name for her) asked what I was doing my project on and when I told her she said "I had issues with that too". OK, so my first impression was wrong, I guess...only it wasn't! She went up before me to present and said she had all FOUR of her kids easily and on "accident". WAIT, WHAT?! Clearly she doesn't know what "infertility" is, or even "sub fertile". I was totally giving her the benefit of the doubt until she said THAT! So when I went up, I made sure I explained what exactly infertility is so she doesn't make that mistake again. I also schooled my professor on a few terms ;o)

All in all it was a very interesting term in that class and I learned a lot. I'm *thinking* I might even minor in psychology, or at the VERY least take some psychology classes. If nothing else, they'll help me with my patients and hopefully be more sensitive to what others are going through. I know it's a HUGE load, but a girl can dream can't she?

Aug 12, 2010

Getting Settled

Musings of A Beautiful Mess 12 friends have commented
So, we got the house! We finally got the keys almost 2 weeks ago. It's been the craziest two weeks I've ever had in my life! There's been MANY hours of no sleep, a few fights, a few tantrums, and a few "WTF?! Are you serious" moments, but on the whole it's going...well-ish.

The only thing that's sucked, besides not getting any sleep, is moving all my dad's stuff and coming across my mom's stuff. Reality is a bitch, yo! We were unloading the uhaul and came across her leg braces and the bag we brought home from the hospital after she passed. That was not fun. I ran into the bathroom, hoping to make it into the shower before the meltdown started, but I only made it to the bathroom floor. So very glamorous crying on the bathroom floor into a towel that we use to soak up water after we get out of the shower. Dirty came in and let me have my little breakdown and it's been going on and off ever since. Not to mention finals have been this week and we got a puppy. Yeah, no sleep here for me.

My dad has AT LEAST 10 years worth of stuff. Before my mom died, she was the one who made him throw various papers and knick knacks away, he hasn't done ANY of that since before she got sick. Not only does he have years of stuff, he's also acquired MORE stuff. I swear he has 5 entertainment centers and 3 desks, not even kidding! Oh well, we're getting through it, day by day. My lil sis has been here helping, so that's been a plus. I don't think I could handle going through all that stuff, emotionally by myself. I would throw it all away because I wouldn't want to randomly come across it. Reality isn't my strong suit, it's a work in progress.

Having my mom's stuff here is weird, but I'm slowly getting use to it. I don't love it because it still hurts too much, but I'll get there. In the meant time I'm trying to pass my sociology class and try not to kill anyone.

Hope everyone is well. I have a six week vacation starting after my final today and I plan to catch up with everyone!

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