Dear Nae

Things are SO much better. Thank you for all of your advice and kind words. I'm still pretty confused and scared for Nae but overall things are tons better. I want to write her a letter to get it out of my head and then MOVE ON! I feel like I'm dragging this out and we ALL (especially me) need to move on.

Dear Nae,
Hey sweetie, I know 13 is a rough age, hell ALL ages are, but I can respect that this particular time in your life is pretty rough on you. I get that you are confused about EVERYTHING and you just don't understand why we won't let you do certain things while your other friends' parents let them. Yes, we're more strict, but believe me when I say "it's for your own good". It's not just something stupid us parents or adults say. It is the truth. I want you to fly, baby, I really do, but I want you to be safe! That has always been my goal in life, to make sure you are safe. I can't even begin tell you how much I love you and how much you've changed my life in the 13 years you've been in it.

It kills me that I have to let go and let you learn these lessons, but I know I have too. I know in the end you will be a beautiful (inside and out) woman, but right now, I need you to be kind to yourself. Please, be nice to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a friend. When those nasty thoughts pop into your head about your thighs, tell them to go away. When you feel like running away, remember it IS ok to feel that way, we all do, but it's all temporary. Remember when a boy says "don't you love me?" that love isn't conditional. Love is given freely and opening. It's not a bargaining chip to use to get what you want.

Renee, my beautiful mini me. You are perfect just the way you are! Nothing will ever change how I feel about you. I know this crap we're going through won't be the last time, but I have faith in our family, that we'll get through this. On the other side is a different relationship, it'll be a more even one. One where I'm not telling you what to do all the time. One where we will be more equal. I can't wait to share that with you. I can't wait to share the rest of your life with you.

I love you! Pink says it way better than I ever could...this is for you, love.

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less thank f*kin' perfect,
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're perfect to me...

Love,
Mommy
P.S. The part about beer doesn't apply ;o)