Feb 2, 2011

Dear Nae

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
Things are SO much better. Thank you for all of your advice and kind words. I'm still pretty confused and scared for Nae but overall things are tons better. I want to write her a letter to get it out of my head and then MOVE ON! I feel like I'm dragging this out and we ALL (especially me) need to move on.

Dear Nae,
Hey sweetie, I know 13 is a rough age, hell ALL ages are, but I can respect that this particular time in your life is pretty rough on you. I get that you are confused about EVERYTHING and you just don't understand why we won't let you do certain things while your other friends' parents let them. Yes, we're more strict, but believe me when I say "it's for your own good". It's not just something stupid us parents or adults say. It is the truth. I want you to fly, baby, I really do, but I want you to be safe! That has always been my goal in life, to make sure you are safe. I can't even begin tell you how much I love you and how much you've changed my life in the 13 years you've been in it.

It kills me that I have to let go and let you learn these lessons, but I know I have too. I know in the end you will be a beautiful (inside and out) woman, but right now, I need you to be kind to yourself. Please, be nice to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a friend. When those nasty thoughts pop into your head about your thighs, tell them to go away. When you feel like running away, remember it IS ok to feel that way, we all do, but it's all temporary. Remember when a boy says "don't you love me?" that love isn't conditional. Love is given freely and opening. It's not a bargaining chip to use to get what you want.

Renee, my beautiful mini me. You are perfect just the way you are! Nothing will ever change how I feel about you. I know this crap we're going through won't be the last time, but I have faith in our family, that we'll get through this. On the other side is a different relationship, it'll be a more even one. One where I'm not telling you what to do all the time. One where we will be more equal. I can't wait to share that with you. I can't wait to share the rest of your life with you.

I love you! Pink says it way better than I ever could...this is for you, love.

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less thank f*kin' perfect,
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're perfect to me...

P.S. The part about beer doesn't apply ;o)

12 friends have commented:

Mrs. Gamgee on February 2, 2011 at 1:19 PM said...

Such a beautiful letter... You are a very loving mama!

Jamie on February 2, 2011 at 6:31 PM said...

That is awesome! I don't think you could have said it better. Nae - your Mama is a special, special lady!!

Danielle on February 3, 2011 at 6:49 AM said...

Absolutely perfect honey!! XOXO

We have Angel Wings on February 3, 2011 at 7:15 AM said...

Hormones or not, this blog post made me bawl... You said it perfect, D! Nae is so lucky to have you as a Mom. I know that she'll grow up to be a beautiful lady and do good things with her life.

Keep on, Keepin' on! ((hugs))

♥ T

CanadianMama on February 4, 2011 at 12:05 PM said...

You should give her this letter for sure!

EC on February 6, 2011 at 4:16 AM said...

Beautiful hon :) I'm so glad things are easier with Nae.

Kristin on February 6, 2011 at 10:45 PM said...

Sweetie...you are doing such an amazing job with Nae!

Quiet Dreams on February 10, 2011 at 10:59 AM said...

You are such an amazing mom. I hope someday I get to be 1/2 the mom you are.

Alana on February 13, 2011 at 7:11 PM said...

This was SO lovely...glad Nae is doing better. Your letter to her was amazing!

Kathy on February 25, 2011 at 5:45 PM said...

I LOVE this! What an awesome letter to write to/for your daughter. Nae is very blessed and lucky to have you as her mom! Those years are still a bit of a ways off for me and my kids, but I so appreciate everything you said and there a part of me that was transported back to being 13 when I read it, wishing my mom or someone would have/could have told me some of those things back then... Not that I would have listened necessarily. Anyway, I know I a bit late in reading/commenting, but I really enjoyed it and thank you for sharing. :)

..al on February 28, 2011 at 5:36 AM said...

Well, Nae is definitely THE teen. You will have to handle her with gloves.

You wrote a good letter to her.

Mostly because I know what I was as a teen, I think that sooner or later she will come around to listening.

Coffeegrljp on March 2, 2011 at 8:28 PM said...

Man. This is such a tough time for girls isn't it? I mean the teenage years in general, the early part 2010's...
It sounds like it's been really hard on you - what a sad thing to watch our kids grow up.

Hang in there!

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