This morning I woke up feeling ok, I knew what day it was but I was determined to make it a good day. Then Facebook happened and my sister and my dad posted a video and my friend sent me a message saying she remembered and was here for me. After that, everything kind of turned into a blur and the whole breathing thing became difficult. I really did NOT want this to happen today, clearly I have no choice, but still! I just wanted to have a happy day while remembering her and eat cake. So when I reminded Dirty what day it was, he suggested I stay home and just have a day to myself. I protested a bit because I feel like I should be productive one of these years on her birth and death day, but this year isn't going to be it. Maybe next year, or maybe not. We'll see.
So far this morning, I've cried a few times, made a cake, got SO much support from everyone and listened to her song and cried some more. I just want the pain to lessen a little bit more. In time I suppose.
Happy birthday mom, I'll raise my glass to you tonight, sing you happy birthday, and eat some cake all the while thinking about what a great mom you were and are. Thank you for the 30 years you gave me. They were perfect in every way, just like you.
Love and miss you!
