Jun 12, 2012

She Did it AGAIN!

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
This child! She is going to give me a heart attack, I swear! She ran away again on Saturday. I was at my friend's house, taking a 2 hour break. I was only gone for 2 hours! She told her dad she was doing laundry, which I had told her to do while I was gone. So it wasn't suspicious that she went downstairs. She wrote a note and bolted. We didn't realize she was gone for about 3 hours. She had made her bed so that it looked like she was still sleeping in it. She had been pouting and sleeping since we brought her home Friday. When I went in there to tell her dinner was ready, I realized she was gone. Dirty and I went back down to the police station and filed ANOTHER runaway report. The officer was very kind and said he wouldn't put her into the computer as a runaway until he checked out her boyfriend's house. We drive around a bit, Dirty dropped me off at home so to make sure Zilla didn't know what was going on and to give my dad an update. Dirty went over to the boyfriend's house and waited for the police instead of running into their house and scaring them away. Nothing, she wasn't there and his mother didn't know where he was either. At this point, we're positive their together, but aren't sure where they could be. We tried to get some sleep and when we woke up we started the whole thing over again. Instead of alerting her friends, I contacted every adult I knew. I told them all that Nae had runaway again and to either call me or the cops if she is seen. I even sent out a mass FB message with her photo attached to anyone that lives in town. I figured the more adults that knew, the better our chances of finding her.

The boyfriend's mom stopped by with Nae's things. She was over there Thursday AND Saturday but the mom didn't know she was a runaway so she didn't think anything of it. After the police talked to her, she went up to his room and found a drawer of Nae's stuff and then went driving around looking for them but didn't find them. She did tell me that they might be hanging out with another boy that drives and gave me his name and description of his vehicle. As soon as she left, I called the police and told them I had new information. Dirty Googled that kid and found his parents' names and address and then got in the car and drove over there. Nobody was home so he talked to a neighbor, told him what was going on and asked him to give our number to the father and have him call us.

On Dirty's way home, he drove by a park and there she was! He blocked her in so she couldn't run and she willingly got into the car. He told the children she was with that Nae was a runaway and if they help her runaway again or hang out with her knowing she had run away, he will sue their parents for custodial interference. Of course, the children don't know the laws and what custodial interference is and that we can't ACTUALLY sue their parents, but whatever keeps Nae out of trouble!

She walked in the door crying and gave me a hug. I bawled like a baby just SO happy to have her back. Then after about 15 minutes I was PISSED! I asked her why she kept doing this and why she thinks her life is so bad that she needs to run away. She didn't have any answers for me. Then I said "there are children out there who get beat and raped by their parents, THOSE kids deserve to run away. There are children who don't know where their next meal is coming from, not just that they want Mac and Cheese instead of chicken enchiladas for dinner. THOSE kids deserve to run away. You have two parents that love and care for you, yet you choose to run away. Hell, I don't even have a mom and you're treating me like shit! This has got to stop! We need to figure out what the hell is going on with you!" Low blow, but she needs to see what this is doing to us. It isn't just about her and how "unfair her life is", she is doing this to ALL of us. She cried harder and kept apologizing, but I just don't know. I do think she was remorseful and I do think she feels bad for making us worry, but I still don't think she gets it. In the end she is still a teenager and thinks everyone is out to get her.

As of right now, she is home. Her attitude has been pleasant the past few days, so that's a plus. She isn't getting much freedoms, well NO freedoms. We gave her the choice to go to school this week to take her finals WITH me tagging along or have us reschedule them for after school where she can be monitored by someone who knows what is going on and myself. She chose the latter of the two.

So we will see, I guess. This is going to be a long road to rebuild but I'm hopeful that we're in the rebuilding process. I still won't give her much room to prove me wrong. I still can't and don't trust her. The trust won't be there for awhile.....

5 friends have commented:

My name is Andy. on June 12, 2012 at 12:38 PM said...


Dora on June 17, 2012 at 11:28 AM said...

Catching up. Oh, hon! Sorry this so hard. Big hug!

Leah on June 18, 2012 at 7:44 PM said...

I made my way here via the Lost & Found and I feel a bit guilty jumping in with a comment when I haven't read much of your blog. So please forgive me if I turn out to not know what the hell I am talking about. However, I couldn't pass by this post without sending my heart out to you. My nieces (currently 17 and 18) have put our family through hell. I mean hell. It started for each of them between 15 - 16 years old and was horrific. My sister is one of the most amazing people and truly the most fantastic Mother I've ever had the priviledge of knowing, yet her daughters were... well, they were evil. Between the two of them, we endured suspensions, expulsions, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, emotional abuse, runaway episodes, cutting, sexting, disrespect, abusive boyfriends, lying, stealing, arrests, probation and more. Believe me that these are inherently good girls who went down the wrong path and couldn't find their way back. They spent years and years in therapy with little progress. My sister turned herself inside out and upside down to work with them, advocate for them, provide structure for them, etc. But they had issues that no amount of consequences and/or yelling and/or begging and/or pleading and/or threatening and/or guilt could fix.

Not to get all hysterical on you, but the only thing that helped them was a wilderness program and then a subsequent therapeutic placement (one of them went to a therapeutic boarding school, the other is in a residental treatment center). They both followed these paths about a year apart from each other (no, it isn't any easier the second time around) and their journeys were so different and yet so similiar at the same time.

My eldest niece went to wilderness in Utah in February 2011, transferred to a boarding school in New Hampshire in April 2011 and just graduated (yay!) from the boarding school with a HS diploma in May. She's living back at home, has a job, has a good relationship with her parents and will be starting community college in the fall. She's no stepford kid, she's still very much herself, but she just has far better coping skills.

My younger niece went to wilderness in Utah in February 2012 and transferred to a residental treatment center in Utah in April 2012. She will remain there for another 9 months or so and we are finally seeing progress.

If all of this is too scary and seems extreme, then you can ignore this comment. But if you are interested in talking more, then please don't hesitate to follow back to my blog and leave me a comment with your email. If you choose to do that, don't be scared off by the fact that I haven't blogged in 1,000 years. Hell, mostly I haven't had the time because of the hysteria we've lived in for the last 2 years with my nieces.

Regardless of whether you want to contact me or not, I am sending you the warmest hugs and truckloads of patience as your family works through this.

cysteract on June 19, 2012 at 4:05 PM said...

I can't really offer much advice hon. I know I was hell as a teenager but my situation is so diffrent, I wouldn't like to interfere. Just know that I am thinking of all of you. Sending you stenght and warmest wishes and keeping Nae in my prayers. Love ya ! xx

Joel on February 23, 2015 at 10:24 PM said...

Hi, Nice post I enjoyed reading it. Can I contact you through your email? Please email me back. Thanks!



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