Oct 20, 2009

Getting The Kinks Out.

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
Oooohhhh just THINK of all the crazy hit I'll get with THAT title! *evil laugh*

Now that we're in the full swing of me going to school, the kinks are starting to pop out and get worked out. It's all been trial and error thus far. We've been in situations such as these, but not to this extent. It's becoming stressful for everyone involved, this balancing act we're doing. I'm not as home as much, which we obviously knew was going to happen, but what we didn't expect was that feelings were going to get hurt. We were prepared for the children to act up or out, suffer in school possibly, or be clingy to either Dirty or myself. We prepared the house hold chores, the cooking duties and separating homework time from family/computer time etc. BUT what we didn't prepare ourselves for was the lack of quality time and the stress it's causing between Dirty and myself.

It's not that we aren't focused on each other, but not as much as we were. We use to have all day to spend time together, now I feel as if I have to "schedule" it in. And it sucks, A LOT! Tuesdays are the worst and as much as I tell myself "suck it up, accept it, it won't be like this forever" it isn't working. Tuesdays go to math class (which I'm getting an A in AND I got an A on the test w00tz!!) from 3-5 then I have another class from 6-9. I'm pretty much gone all evening long. I usually only see Zilla in the morning, but that doesn't really count because coffee hasn't been consumed and he's not fully awake. I get home a little after 9, give him a kiss if he's awake and that's it. I get to spend an hour with Nae before she goes to bed, so that's good. But what about time with the husband? I feel like our time together is always being scheduled. It's in between homework, before bed, before taking the children to school, picking them up, or before Nae's volleyball games. It's like there's always SOMETHING to do. Dinner has to be made, homework needs to be done, laundry needs to be done, and of course sleep. By the time it's bedtime, we both crash. Not only because we're tired, but because it feels like we're running around and stressed out because of it.

Marriage is work, that I've known forever and it's true. Nobody has the "perfect" relationship, but adding in a bunch of stress makes things harder. I know this is all part of the "school package" but I just wasn't prepared for it. I didn't prepare to miss my husband so much. I didn't prepare that he would miss me so much. I took for granted all the times we did nothing because we had all day to spend together.

I love spending time with Dirty, he's truly my best friend. And I miss the times we'd sit around all day or walk around Lowe's because we were bored. I know I'm being a bit over dramatic here, but it's how I feel right now. Mostly because I'm not a fan of Tuesdays. Although, we do have a bit of a plan in place as of today. I won't go to class early, go with him to pick up Zilla and then they'll drop me off at school. We might not be able to do this every week, but this week we can and I'm grateful for the few extra minutes I'm going to get to spend with Zilla and Dirty.

22 friends have commented:

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) on October 20, 2009 at 12:17 PM said...

Oh, I feel ya. I've been in school and/or working since SparkleEyes was 6 months old and it can get stressful! What finally helped us was scheduling a date night regularly. That way when I just need to come home and crash and NOT relate for awhile, I don't have to feel guilty or deprived bcs I know I have a whole evening coming up to be with C. Good luck to you and Dirty as you figure it out. Quality time is so important!

CanadianMama on October 20, 2009 at 12:25 PM said...

Aww, you aren't dramatic at all! It's so sweet that you are missing your hubby! I have no advice, but you've got my fully support. BIG HUGS!!

My name is Andy. on October 20, 2009 at 12:25 PM said...

Getting that routine in place can be so important! I'm glad you guys are getting the kinks out so you can find time to get the kinks on!

Quiet Dreams on October 20, 2009 at 3:33 PM said...

Transitions are always difficult. You are used to having things a certain way, and your whole world just got flipped upside down. I think that date night is a good idea, and also fitting little bits of time in like you talked about.
(((hugs)))

'Murgdan' on October 20, 2009 at 4:22 PM said...

You are right, marriage is a considerable amount of work. We've spent the last 5 years in school, both of us. There was a period there where I only had half a day off a week. Awful. It was a rough time. Of course now we're adjusting to being around eachother again...and having free time together.

One thing at a time.

JamieD on October 20, 2009 at 4:50 PM said...

It ~does~ suck to feel like you have to schedule time together but the important thing is that you make it happen. The road may seem endless right now, but remember it isn't forever.

Big hugs to you!!

Serendipity on October 20, 2009 at 6:45 PM said...

Ooh I totally feel ya there - I'm dreading the day H goes back to work, we're so used ot just being together, it's lonely when we're apart.

I hope that it gets easier as you go along.

Jaymee on October 21, 2009 at 3:55 AM said...

it is hard, but it will get easier. we dealt with the same situation, minus the kids, and it was really the most difficult time in our marriage. i would say that it took us about 6 months to get it all figured out and now it is so much easier. with a husband in a demanding PhD program there are still times when it is hard, but now we know how to deal with the timing. i promise it will feel much less like scheduling soon. HUGS

edenland on October 21, 2009 at 5:22 AM said...

Oh my goodness. LOOK AT YOU going out into the world doing new and tricky and challenging things. You are full of teh awesomesauce, you know that?

Wow. I totally take my hat off to you, Beautiful Mess. I could not do what you are doing right now. That's fantastic, and I just feel really damn proud of you.

Dave and I totally have to schedule time together, which totally sucks. Good luck with it!! XOXOX

JJ on October 21, 2009 at 9:27 AM said...

Glad to hear the kinks are working out! You know you are my hero:) hope you get some quality time with dirty-mook and I have to remind ourselves that we as a couple are just as important as everything else going on!

Busted Tube on October 21, 2009 at 11:10 AM said...

It sure is hard work, but it sounds like you're putting in the effort and in not too long you'll find more and more that your're settling into your new routine.

Chayce's Momma on October 21, 2009 at 11:49 AM said...

I'm not even married yet, but I know that "marriage" is hard work! Especially when you throw in kids and school! You are one strong woman and I admire your determination! Keep it up mama!!

Aunt Becky on October 21, 2009 at 12:26 PM said...

I understand completely, love. Completely.

Sunny on October 21, 2009 at 7:11 PM said...

Yes, it really is hard. For the first three years of our marriage, we both worked full time and went to night school for our grad degrees. Weekends were homework, laundry, grocery shopping. It was awful at times but SO worth it. I'm glad you're finding a way to be creative and spend time together!

WiseGuy on October 22, 2009 at 7:21 AM said...

Yeah, the transition in your daily schedules would mean that you would have time becoming even more precious. But always tell each other and yourself first, that you are doing this together, for the whole family, and always communicate.

Good Luck!

Sassy Pie on October 22, 2009 at 8:39 AM said...

I know just what you mean. Erf, prior to his demotion (cough, fucking district manager, cough), had worked all the freaking time and hardly ever had any time to spend with Erflet and I.

But, you adjust, you'll find what works for you and Dirty. Have no fear. Shit works out in the end. ;)

Kristin on October 22, 2009 at 11:49 AM said...

It is so hard when you desperately want more time together and you are being pulled in all directions. {{{Hugs}}}

Flying Monkeys on October 23, 2009 at 7:49 AM said...

You'll find creative ways to make up for it and school is short lived...unless you're my husband who has been in school all but 2 of the 14 years we've been together (plus the 4 before we met).

Nice job in math!

IF Optimist, then... on October 24, 2009 at 11:40 PM said...

I understand it's frustrating, but you'll find a way to make it work. Very proud of you on getting an A in math so far. Keep it up! I once told my cousin who starting going through nursing school at 40 that the next couple of years were going to be very tough, but it she could see into the future and witness the positive result she'd do it in a heartbeat.

awomanmyage on October 31, 2009 at 11:17 AM said...

OMG, I am not that busy and we still have to schedule date night. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Look at the big picture, this sucks now, but it will be worth it in the end.

awomanmyage on October 31, 2009 at 11:18 AM said...

OMG, I am not that busy and we still have to schedule date night. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Look at the big picture, this sucks now, but it will be worth it in the end.

awomanmyage on October 31, 2009 at 11:18 AM said...

OMG, I am not that busy and we still have to schedule date night. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Look at the big picture, this sucks now, but it will be worth it in the end.

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