I'm going to go down with a FIGHT! Lately, I've been feeling as if going to school is a waste of time. I know it isn't, but all this time I'm spending away from my family is rough on me. It isn't so much that I'm away from them all the time, yeah Tuesdays suck, but that's only one day a week. It's that Dirty and I went into this with the idea of me going to school was going to supplement our income. He wouldn't get another job and he wold stay home with the kids.He'd draw his unemployment until he couldn't anymore and then when that ended, we would have my financial aid to fall back on. We would even have a few months where we could get BOTH. My financial aid and grant money would just sit in the bank and we would live off his unemployment. Sounds like a pretty responsible plan, right? Well no, it isn't. Because I haven't gotten ONE dime from ANYBODY! AND to top it off, I have a pretty $2,000 bill with my name on it at the school. This should be paid in December when I get my grant money, but this was suppose to be paid before I started school.
I've called financial aid many times and have been told that my application will be processed at the end of October. Well here it is, then end of October and I haven't heard shit from anyone. I need to register fro winter term in a few weeks, but I won't be able to do that until financial aid pays my FALL term. And if they don't pay for that, then I can't register for winter term and I'm screwed for my grants and loans for the rest of the year. I've held up my end of the bargain this whole time. I've gone to every one of my classes and I'm getting an A in everyone, yet I still feel as if I'm getting screwed. What the hell am I going to do if this term doesn't get paid for? I don't get the credits I've earned and I really did waste my time. All this time away from the kids and Dirty will be for nothing. The field trips I've missed, the volleyball games I've missed, all of it...a waste of time!
I'm going to talk to my campus today and see what I can do because I really have no clue. I'm going to apply for every scholarship I can find in the hopes of SOMETHING good coming my way. I'm going to try not to stress about this, but it isn't going to be easy. I can't get it out of my head. I can't stop thinking about the worse case scenario. Which is I have to drop out and I screw myself for the rest of the year *sigh* Please send me some vibes, I could really use them. Just some calming vibes, some clarity ones too. ANYTHING!