Will That Be All?

**update** MRI shows the tendon is where it's suppose to be. I have an appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday to go over the results. The radiologist could only tell me that it was not that tendon. Not sure if that's good news or bad. I would think fixing the knuckle is easier then fixing a tendon, but I really have no idea. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. I've refrained from doing any Google searches, so far.

Dirty took Nae to the ER last night/ this morning and I followed shortly thereafter. She does NOT have strep but DOES have mono :o( Her throat is not closing up because it isn't her tonsils that are swollen like we had thought, it's her glands. Apparently we caught it fairly early and she doesn't have an enlarged spleen or liver, but we do need to watch out for those.

We got home at 5 this morning and she is doing OK. Not great but OK. We do know why the antibiotics weren't working now! I'm a little bit frustrated/confused that her doctor didn't test for mono after looking at her throat.Wouldn't he have been able to see that it wasn't her tonsils and it was her glands that were causing her so much discomfort? Any thoughts? Thanks for all the love and well wishes! I can't even tell you how much they mean to me!

Soooo....went to the surgeon this morning. I am not even going to pretend I was a big strong girl, because I SO was NOT! I was quiet all morning long and just wanted to do anything BUT go to that appointment. I didn't anyone to go with me because I knew I was going to lose my cool at some point and freak FUCK! Actually, that's not true, I did want Dirty to go with me, but Nae is STILL! REALLY! sick and I didn't feel comfortable leaving her by herself or with anyone but him or myself. I had lil sis drop me off and I walked into that office trying not to let anyone see how terrified I was. I almost pulled it off, too.

Surgeon checks out my finger, very gently. Good news is the tendon is where it should be. Bad news is I dislocated my knuckle...(sorry Quiet Dreams, I know you're cringing) When I dislocated the knuckle it went back in, BUT it went it twisted. Surgeon said think of it like a knee cap. EEEWWWW *shudder* that's gross! Then he asked me the most beautiful question ever! "How about we numb everything up and I can try to see if I can fix it?" If I could have gotten away with kissing him, I would have! He did that and worked it pretty good, still nothing. He wants me to go for an MRI in the morning to make sure that's what he thinks it is. The only way to fix it? Oh that would be surgery *sigh*

When he and the nurse said that, I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I was biting my lip, taking deep breaths, all of it and still tears were escaping. I'm not scared of the surgery itself, but I am worried about the recovery time and the cost. This surgery is EASILY going to cost me $10,000. Ummmm I don't have $10,000 laying around.

I left the office holding backs sobs searching for a bathroom. When I found one, I raced in there, locked the door, dropped to my knees and lost IT! I was sobbing pathetically into my lap. I didn't know what else to do. Once I gained some sort of composure, splashed my face with cold water and did my best to not start crying again so I could leave the bathroom. As soon as I got myself together, I went down to the hospital's billing office.

Good thing is, they have a program for uninsured ER visits and I qualify. All of these doctor visits are all considered emergency because of that visit. Hopefully I'll be able to only pay a small percentage of the surgery.

Now we just need to figure out what's wrong with Nae. Dirty just took her to the ER because her breathing didn't sound good when I checked on her. I think the swelling in her throat is getting so bad, it's closing up. I'm not going to think of worst case scenarios as I wait for a phone call from him. Please send Nae lots of good thoughts!