Jun 16, 2008
We had a pretty good week of bonding time last week. She was very sick and I played nurse. I didn't mind. I know I'm the only person, well was, she can open up to like that. It was the perfect way to say good bye before we were surrounded by our friends and I had to share her with everyone.
A lot of people feel that she takes advantage of me and our friendship. To which I say, "I agree to a point but you don't know her like I know her". Sounds like an excuse, but it's the truth. I KNOW she's a stubborn, selfish friend. But in a case such as this, where I am hurting shouldn't their opinions be put aside? Shouldn't I be asked if I am OK, instead of having to defend our friendship? Why do I have to put my opinions aside and make sure my friends are OK, when nobody is doing the same for me? I feel, no I am PISSED OFF!
I don't care what you think about her. I don't care if you think she's a heartless bitch, or anything like that! All I care about it that MY best friend of 11 years is gone. No, she's not dead. She is only 3 hours away, but seriously, when am I going to see her? Life happens. I don't have the luxury of jumping in the car and driving 3 hours to go see her. Nor does she. That's just the way it is. Yeah, it sucks, but that's the way it is. Nothing I can do about it. So here I am, left to nurse my sadness, hurt feelings, and the void I have all on my own. That's not very fair. No, that's not even a LITTLE bit fair!
Maybe I've FINALLY learned my lesson. The only people I can count on are not my friends. Maybe they *some* are just incapable of giving back what I give to them. I don't expect a lot, just a kind word and an act of selflessness. Maybe a phone call, text message asking how I'm doing. A hug or maybe to not leave the going away party early because you felt "left out". Hell even Matt gave me a little pep talk. He and Rose haven't been the best of friends in a LONG time. They tolerate each other for me. He told me the day she left "I'm sorry your sad and I'm sorry I'm not as compassionate as I could be, but I am her for you. I will listen to you talk or hold you while you cry and make you laugh". That's Matt speak for "She was good to you and I know you'll miss her". He did pretty good. I appreciated it. It was nice to know he cared about how I was feeling even though he may have been glad to see her gone ;o)
*sigh* Oh well, lesson learned. I'll put this info in the vault and use to for any future situations where it might come in handy.