Jun 2, 2008
I love my friends and I would and do almost anything for them. I've realized there is such a thing as doing TOO much and I try not to spread myself so thin. I'm not their mother, I am their friend.
Rose is leaving in a few weeks and I am doing ok with it. It will be an adjustment, not being able to walk down the hall, plop on her bed and talk about anything. I am helping her prepare for the move, as well as helping her boyfriend prepare for her to move in. It's a big deal! She's scared and nervous about the whole thing. She's quitting her job to move in with him and will be depending on him for EVERYTHING. In order for her to NOT freak out about him buying everything from shampoo to deodorant for her until she gets a job, I am letting him know what she uses. My thought was that if he has all her "stuff" there for her when she moves in, she won't be able to feel like she's asking him for her necessities. He thought it was a GREAT idea and is accepting all the help I am offering. It's a bit therapeutic for me. It's steps in order for me to "let her go". I know she'll appreciate it and she won't have to "ask" him for her needed items.
I'm trying to make plans with our other friend and try to get something planned so we can all say "good bye" to each other. Last summer the 3 of us were inseparable.
We did EVERYTHING together. Things changed and the 2 of them aren't as close as they use to be. I tired to talk to our other friend *Sarah* about doing something last night and her response was troubling for me. She doesn't see very concerned that Rose is leaving in less then 2 weeks. I questioned her about it and my confusion grew that much more. She said Rose has changed and she doesn't feel as close to her as she once did. She had told me the other day that she is the type of person to give the shirt off her back to her worst enemy, if that's the case, then why are you not willing to bend a little or even care that Rose is leaving? Her answer to this was "don't guilt trip me". "I'm NOT giving you a guilt trip, I'm just wondering why you give someone who treats you like crap and stomps all over you and your feelings over and over again, chance after chance, but I tell you Rose is leaving and you seem to not care". I didn't really get an answer to my question. Maybe this is a bigger deal for me then it is for her. Maybe she has feelings for this other person who treats her so badly and that's why she continues to go back to the friend. Maybe it's ok for certain people to treat her like crap and others not. I have no idea! All I know is that my best friend of almost 11 years is leaving in less then 2 weeks and a kind word from my other best friend would be nice. I COULD be asking for too much, but I don't care! I deserve to have a kind word or 2 thrown in my direction. I've done it to Sarah MANY times. I can make up so many excuses for behavior, but in the end it comes down to being a friend. A friend should put their feelings aside, if not only for a few minutes, to give another friend support. I've done it and I do not think it's too much to ask that she does.
I'm sure this "rough patch" will end and we'll be fine again, but in the mean time I am wondering, "why"?
I can fool myself and say that Rose and I will be able to see each other often, but I don't want to live in a fantasy world. As much fun as that would be, it'll make it harder to face reality when I have no choice but to face it. We'll have to make adjustments to our friendship. I hope we can do it. I'm willing to put in the work to make the changes and make our friend survive the distance, but is she? In the end, I'll sacrifice myself and feelings for her happiness and realize that maybe it wasn't meant to be. If that's needed, of course. I love her and our friendship has had it's ups and downs, but what friendship after 11 years hasn't?
Only time will tell......