May 28, 2008

It's time to grow up....

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
We met almost 11 years ago. I was moving into an apartment in Newberg and she was already living there. She introduced herself to my parents. When Matt and I got back from packing up the last load in the truck, she introduced herself to me. Nae was 6 months old, Mo was 3 months and Joey was almost 2 years old. I remember feeling like I had known her forever, when we first met. We instantly clicked. Once I got my apartment all organized and Nae on a schedule, her and I would make play dates for the girls. We'd take them on walks, we'd go swimming with them, arrange their nap times around our soap operas, we were the typical stay at home moms. We had monitors for the girls, and when the weather was nice, we'd sit in front of our apartments in the sun and relax. We looked at Victoria's Secret catalogs and ordered bathing suits, shoes and such. We were in our own little world. Our "stay at home mom" world.

One day she came over to my place frantic! Mo was sick and VERY crabby, Joey was learning to potty train and pee'd all over the sofa. *When asked why she pee'd on the sofa, her answer was..."because you told me not to pee on the floor"..damn kid! Rose is standing at my door looking like a frantic stay at home mom. I took her kids, told her to go clean up the mess and take a shower or something. Just relax and take some time for herself. Joey and Nae were playing on the floor and Mo was crying. Well, Mo never REALLY cried. She just had the most pathetic whimper you have ever heard. Her little lip would pout out, her big brown eyes would well up with tears, and she would just whimper. It was so sad and heart breaking. Mo was MAYBE 5 months old. She was a breast fed only baby. She didn't know what a bottle was and wasn't into a pacifier. I didn't know what to do. I knew Rose needed some time to get her head back together and clean up the mess that Joey left her. I did all the "mommy tricks" we do with our own kids, and try to do too others. Mo wasn't having it. I bounced her, I made goofy faces, funny noises, tried toys, ANYTHING. None of it worked. Finally I cradled her and she nuzzled into my breast, rooting around. I didn't know what to do. I stopped nursing Nae when she was 3 months old, so there was NOTHING there. So in a moment of trying to make this baby happy, I nursed her. It worked! She fell asleep in like 2 minutes. All hail the power of the breast! Rose walked in and I felt SO weird! I blurted out "she was crying and I tried everything else and nothing worked. Then she nuzzled and I did it and I'm SO sorry! Please don't be mad at me!!!" Rose just laughed and said, "oh my mom was a hippy and did this stuff all the time, it's no biggie. thank you so much for doing this." And gave me a hug. I breathed a sigh of relief because that could have gone either way. It was in that moment, I knew we would be friends forever. We were opposites, but so much alike as well.

Fast forward to now. Joey is 12, Nae is 11, Mo is 10, trouble is 8 and Zilla is 4. Our families have been through so much the past 11 years. We moved in together almost 3 years, it's been rough, but on the whole it hasn't been too bad. We have all gotten a lot closer and the kids always have something to do.

Her and Joe weren't getting along and agreed on a divorce. they were going to try to make it work with both of them living here in the house, but it just wasn't working. Everyone knew it, but those 2. They were trying to make it less traumatic on the children. It was having the exact opposite effect. They fought more. They talked less, they competed against each other as parents. I don't think they knew what they were doing, but as an "outsider", I could see it. I tried to help them out as much as I could. I did more around the house, I had a shoulder to cry on if needed, I gave friendly advice, but did my best to stay neutral. Rose was going through some stuff and nobody understood.

Our friendship suffered a little, ok a lot. I was very resentful, but I decided to just let it go. Then she met a man. That was tough for everyone. She was with him a lot. It was hard for Joe to see her so happy, knowing he could never make her that happy. It was hard for the children because their mother wasn't around as much. It wasn't as easy for her as it looked. She really liked this man and wanted the children to meet him, but she just wasn't sure. Things were very serious then a few weeks ago, they broke up. It was very hard on her and the kids. She was heart broken. I did my best to console her, but it's hard to console a heart break.

Things turned out for the best. Her and her man got back together and they are head over heels in love with each other. She decided to let her self fall and not stop herself or try to push him away. She was being very adult and brave about it. I'm so proud of her and I am so happy for her. I hope with all my heart this is her "IT". She deserves to be happy, we all do.

She spent the weekend with him. She came home on Sunday, crawled into bed with me and told me she was moving to Tacoma. I knew it was coming. I could feel it. It was the next step in her happiness. I tried SO hard to be the supportive friend, but I couldn't. I broke down and lost it. I cried on her chest for about 5 minutes. We cried and we laughed. I cried tears of joy for her and I cried tears of sadness for me.

I'll miss her. It'll going to hurt to see her go, but I know it's for the right reasons. It's going to be so strange being over 3 hours away from her. I hope and I pray that she and her boyfriend will be happy. The sadness I am feeling is mixed with happiness because she is so damn happy!

It hurts to grow up and grow apart from our loved ones, but sometimes it's necessary. We can't act like college room mates forever. We will forever have what we had and all the years of inside jokes, stupid stories and acting like idiots in public to embarrass the person we're with. It's time for us to build our futures without each other in our back pockets. It's a bitter sweet moment for me.

1 friends have commented:

Stacy on May 29, 2008 at 9:24 AM said...

Wow, all that has happened since I saw you last? That is a big change!

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