Jan 31, 2011
First, good news! Kimbosue gave me an award! How sweet is THAT?! Thanks, hon!
Here's the deets, yo:
1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.
Hmmm 7 things...pretty sure y'all know everything about me, but it's been awhile so let's do THIS!
1) I am doing HORRIBLY at math this term. Seriously. Karma is a bitch. It's what I get for being so damn cocky in my other math classes *sigh*
2) I am least talented person I know. I can't sing, can't draw, can barley cook, can sorta dance. The "talent" gene that EVERYONE else in my family has, skipped me.
3) This thing with Nae is really killing me.
4) Zilla slept in my bed last night because he had a bad dream and when I went to wake him up for school this morning, I got all choked up. I am too damn emotional right now.
5) Have a class of death, dying and transition on Fridays is SUCH a buzz kill!
6) My ethics class is my FAVORITE class! I often take the least popular side of the argument just to be a shit. So much fun!
7) I'm a texting whore! I literally text Danielle all day long just about every day. She says she loves it, but I'm not so sure ;)
Now 15 (!) bloggers to pass this on to. How about we just pass it on to a "few" bloggers. I think 15 is a bit too many.
Danielle because she puts up with my insane amount of texts and dramatics. Love ya girl!
The fabulous and beautiful Miss Ruby! You should go check out her blog, she just revamped it and it looks AMAZING!
The funny Sass and not ONLY because she's wearing hammer pants but also because she's my slutty wifey <3
Jamie because she needs a little pick me up right now.
Jules because she NEEDS a reason to blog, clearly! And since I've had a few posts in a row, I can nag her.
We Have Angel Wings because she didn't get to see her little one today because she was released from her RE to her OB! Great news, but she obviously wants to see her little bun.
OK, 6 will do! If you want to do this, JUST DO IT! Let me know so I can pop on over and read what ya got.
Alright now to the "God, this sucks" portion of this post. My weekend was full of tears, texting friends, talking to anyone that would listen and getting a lot of great advice and support about Nae. I know she's 13 and all of this is going to happen, but I feel like she's going down a path she isn't ready for. I have never had a problem with her having friends that are boys, but if she's willing to lie to us to go over to a boy's house? That's sending up HUGE red flags in my mommy brain. We never checked up on her before because we never had a reason too. Of course there was meeting parents before she'd stay the night at a friend's house, but she had a lot of freedoms. I never went through her messages or emails, I never wanted to actually. More importantly, I felt like I didn't HAVE too. I trusted her. I've had many conversations with her about language, about sex, about EVERYTHING! I also know that the things kids are doing these days are A LOT different than when I was her age, but that doesn't mean it's still OK!
I went through her messages last night and it sucked SO much! I did not want to do it at all! I knew I had too, but that didn't mean I liked it. I felt like I was going through her diary, it was awful. Her and I had a talk after and I was very calm despite finding out some things that were a bit disturbing. There were a lot of tears on her part and lots of loving words coming from me. She, of course, has body image issues. I told her that it is normal to feel this way and validated her feelings while telling her how much I loved her. I don't think I'm being a "softy", I do think this is a tricky place to be in our relationship and the way these conversations go could effect our future relationship, so I'm trying to be stern, yet showering her with love. I'm honest with her about her punishment by telling her she's going to be grounded for awhile but also telling her that we can fix this but it is up to her. She lost our trust and it's going to take a long time to get that back. I really do not think she understands the impact of her choices yet. I don't even know if she should at 13. All I know is that this is a BIG deal and I do feel we're dealing with it appropriately, even though she might disagree.
I also think I may be over reacting a touch. I know I am taking it WAY too personally and I shouldn't, but I can't help it. A friend told me yesterday this "she's lying because she knows what she's doing is wrong. You're a good mama!" That made me feel better because I feel like SUCH a failure. I feel like I've done everything "right" and I think that's why this came as such a shock. I am questioning everything I'm doing. Am I going out too much? Should I quit school? Does she need me more? Am I being to easy on her? Where did I go wrong?! Am I setting a bad example for her by having a glass of wine? These thoughts are killing me! I just don't know what to do, or even if there is ANYTHING I can do! I'm staying strong, when she's around. When she isn't, I'm a mess of these awful swirling thoughts and worry.
If anyone has any advice or words of encouragement, I'll gladly take them! Personal experience from when you were young, something a friend went through and how it was dealt with, ANYTHING, I'm seriously at a loss. All I ask is that you PLEASE don't attack my mothering, I feel enough of a failure as it is. Thank you!