Oh! Why Hello There!

Well, look at that! It's been quite a long time since I last wrote here. So much has happened, both good and bad. Let's see...Nae is still grounded, she's awfully happy about that too. She does, however, have her phone and computer back. She was allowed to go over to her friend's house without Dirty or myself last weekend, she was good and didn't do anything stupid (that we know of) and came home on time. She says she's learned her lesson, but she's 13, so I highly doubt it. I'm, sure she's sorry (that she got caught) and is scared shitless. Both are good. As of right now, she is earning back our trust and as we see fit, she'll get her privileges back. She is taking her punishment very well. No slamming of doors, no telling us she hates us or any of that. She's a smart kid, she knows she screwed up. So yeah, that's good! YAY Nae!

So the bad is that I did send my older sister the letter. She didn't take one word I said as anything but an attack. Not only did she share the letter with the rest of our siblings, she also told anyone who would listen that it was my fault that she doesn't have a relationship with her son. Ummm actually, no, not true. She doesn't have a relationship with her son because she does meth every day(!), not because I said something to him. But, once again I can't control her reactions, all I can is control mine. Which is what I did. I did not reply to her email, no did I try to defend myself to anyone. It's frustrating but you can't argue with crazy, or drugs addicted crazy.

Another good thing that happened was on Saturday. It was the 5 year anniversary of my mom's death and I did GREAT! I didn't cry, nor did I spend the whole day in bed. I didn't even have the urge to want to stay in bed. I WANTED to see the day and I wasn't faking it, either! That was pretty cool. It was very strange knowing what the day was and not bawling, but it felt good. I was trying to explain to Heather and Danielle how it felt and they said they got it, hopefully they did. I was and am very proud of myself. I never though that day would come. It did!

Another bad...once again with the teenager, but this time she didn't do anything wrong. She passed out at school on Friday and Dirty had to go get her. She said she started seeing spots during PE and went into the locker room and passed out, smacking her face on the floor. Once she came to, her battery had come out of her phone and she was trying to put it back in, standing up (because she hasn't learned that you shouldn't stand up) and passed out again. Once again, smacking her face on the floor. We think she might have hit her head on the lockers on the way down because she had a bump on the top of her head, as well as a swollen cheek and a bruised eye. Poor kid. She was pretty shook up and confused. She doesn't remember anything while she was out, obviously, and that scares her. We took her to the doctor on Monday and he ordered a full panel blood test. they took 2 vials of blood and are checking her for EVERYTHING! He also wanted her to have an echo cardiogram, which is on Thursday, and while I know he's being overly cautious because this isn't her first time passing out, I'm still freaking out. I was totally fine with the whole situation until I called the hospital to pre-register her. Now all I can think of is "what if"...not good!

I'm sure it's nothing and this is all to rule out the structure of her heart being "abnormal" but STILL! My little 13 year old is going to get an ultrasound of her HEART on Thursday and that sorta kinda freaks me out! I keep going back to when I was pregnant and they said there was a shadow on her heart. I keep wondering if we should have pushed harder to get it rechecked after birth or if we should have done something more the first time she passed out in 5th grade. Not a good place for my mind to go. I'm, once again, the strong one for Dirty and Nae but on the inside I am pretty scared. If y'all could spare some good JUJU to Nae, i would really appreciate it.

Talk to ya soon! I miss you all!