What if I hadn't gotten pregnant with Nae? What would my life look like now?
What if I hadn't gotten an infection in my uterus, thus causing scarring?
What if the scarring hadn't caused my first miscarriage?
What if my mom never told me about hers? Would I know what was happening to my body?
What if I hadn't had my second miscarriage? Would that child been a girl or a boy?
What if I had both those children I miscarried? Would I have 4 alive children, or would we have stopped at two?
What if my BIL allowed us to adopt his son, before I got pregnant with Zilla? Would we have still tried to have another?
What if we had stopped at two? Would the second be just like Zilla?
What if I didn't know my body so well and didn't realize I was having another miscarriage in December 2008?
What would have happened if I was able to carry that child to term?
What if I hadn't made the decision to take charge of my body and have my tubes tied after Zilla?
What if I was able to carry a child to term without medication or fear? Would we have more?
I don't have the answer to ANY of these questions. I do my best not to dwell on the what if's of life, they tend to make me sad. Instead I try to find the joy and beauty in what I have NOW.
Right now I have a family. It isn't the one I saw myself having when I was a child, but its the one that's perfect for me now.
I vow to make a difference in the way people look at infertility. I will do my best to make people knowledgeable about the subject. I will continue to work toward my goal of being a fertility RN. I will talk about infertility in my classes and educate as many people as I can.
You can read more What If's at Mel's place in her comment section. They are all so beautifully written with such emotion. You can also go to Resolve's website and see what YOU can do to help spread the word.