Nov 27, 2009

Healing and Thanksgiving

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
Thank you to EVERYONE for commenting and/or reading my last post. It wasn't an easy one to write. So thank you for the support, I appreciate it more then I can say.

Thanksgiving was really low key here. It was just the four of us and it was SO nice. There was no stress to get everything done on time, no guests arriving at a certain time and wanting to go before dark or whatever, no having to get dressed up, just us wanting to eat sometime before midnight. I even got to sleep in! Ahhh it was so nice to be able to get up around 11, have a cup of coffee, and surf the Internet before I had to start baking and cooking. Of course, I missed my dad and sister, but they'll be here for Christmas.

After I got the pies done, I prepped my bird. I was a bit worried as to how this turkey was going to turn out because I hadn't even done a turkey by myself before. the last Thanksgiving I did was before my mom died. Zilla was 4 months old, my mom was in a wheel chair, Dirty was working nights and the house was PACKED with my family. But my mom was there and she was able to help me, even though she was in her wheelchair. It was a day of playing pass the baby, praying that my turkey wasn't dry, and hoping there was enough food for everyone. Even though it was a stressful day, if I had any questions, I could turn around and ask my mom. This year, I didn't have that option, obviously.

Even though I didn't have that option, I didn't fall into a hole of depression while nursing a bottle of wine to get me through the day for the first time in almost 4 years. I was confident in my ability to make this dinner, even though I was doing it solo. It might have been because it was just the four of us, but I still did it! Not once did I feel sad or anything! Even when I pulled out some of her and my dad's china to use for dinner, I didn't get that stab of sorrow I'm so use too. I was happy and proud to use it. I used a few pieces of their china, a few pieces of Dirty's parents' and grandparents' china. I told the kids that it was like everyone was with us, it was a nice tradition to start. A tradition I intend to carry it on.

Dinner was wonderful, but the best part of it was the realization that I am healing. I don't know what "healed" looks like or if that is even possible, but I do know this feeling that I have now is pretty amazing. I still miss my mom like crazy, but not sitting on the couch right now in a daze is like a breath of fresh air.

Hopefully Christmas will be just as peaceful as Thanksgiving was. If not, I know I'll get through it. I always do.

17 friends have commented:

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) on November 27, 2009 at 1:28 PM said...

I'm so happy to hear about your healing!!! And your peaceful thanksgiving. Yay! And I love the china tradition. Awesome!

Raelene on November 27, 2009 at 3:54 PM said...

You make me feel hope. Right now it's a tiny, tiny glimmer, but it's there.

I love the china tradition as well. I am a sucker for anything traditional, especially during the holidays, especially since losing my mom.

Thank you for sharing :)

Dora on November 27, 2009 at 5:23 PM said...

That sounds really lovely. :-)

Sheliza on November 27, 2009 at 5:25 PM said...

Sounds like the perfect Thanksgiving. I am "healing" myself. One day at a time :)

gerardinebaugh on November 27, 2009 at 8:43 PM said...

I have tablecloths, and place settings, which have happy, or crazy story’s attached. Each piece brings me a smile as I recall those shared moments.
Gerardine Baugh

WiseGuy on November 28, 2009 at 7:45 AM said...

Wow....I am so happy that your Thanksgiving went so well...Do you ever stop at a situation and think...what would my mother have said?

She is always with you, dear....in her spirit...and I hope that the peace reigns in your house....

Have a beautiful Christmas!

Quiet Dreams on November 28, 2009 at 9:08 AM said...

I loved reading this.

Loved it.

tomi on November 28, 2009 at 5:32 PM said...

*hugs*

Hope you have a lovely Christmas :)

I failed the exam due to my own laziness, didn't really study for 6 months and tried to cram all that into 3 days of studying ;)

Aunt Becky on November 29, 2009 at 6:32 AM said...

Healing is good. I'm so happy.

Jenn on November 29, 2009 at 12:37 PM said...

sounds like a banner Thanksgiving for you all!

I am so glad you started a "tradition" of your own.

It's amazing how that healing sneaks up on you - and in the most unexpected places as well.

So glad to hear you had a great holiday!

Hugs

IF Optimist, then... on November 29, 2009 at 3:23 PM said...

So glad you are healing and had a fine day of giving thanks with your family, both present in body and spirit.

Sunny on November 30, 2009 at 7:31 PM said...

What a great post, it makes my heart happy that you had a healing Thanksgiving. I can only guess, but I imagine your mom was looking down on you with a huge smile.

dragonflymama on November 30, 2009 at 8:00 PM said...

so proud of you! and thanks for checking in-left a note on your comment. am looking forward to catching up on your life!

MissMeliss on December 1, 2009 at 7:30 PM said...

oh, i'm SO proud and happy you had a good thanksgiving after the ordeal you all went through last week. congratulations on making the bird!!! :)

i really should stay home sometime too... except, then it'd be only me and mia... but that might not be bad. :)

BIG HUGS,
melissa

JJ on December 2, 2009 at 12:39 PM said...

Ahh, to heal. Its a warm feeling, isnt it? Glad you had a great Turkey Day!

Ji on December 4, 2009 at 4:39 PM said...

How are you?

with so much support here, I believe that you have uplifted and cured...
not everyone dares to admit their disappointment and frustrations, you are brave to be on the front line doing it...

CanadianMama on December 5, 2009 at 11:19 AM said...

Wow, look at you! I bet your mom is beyond proud of you right now! You are amazing!

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