Thank you to EVERYONE for commenting and/or reading my last post. It wasn't an easy one to write. So thank you for the support, I appreciate it more then I can say.
Thanksgiving was really low key here. It was just the four of us and it was SO nice. There was no stress to get everything done on time, no guests arriving at a certain time and wanting to go before dark or whatever, no having to get dressed up, just us wanting to eat sometime before midnight. I even got to sleep in! Ahhh it was so nice to be able to get up around 11, have a cup of coffee, and surf the Internet before I had to start baking and cooking. Of course, I missed my dad and sister, but they'll be here for Christmas.
After I got the pies done, I prepped my bird. I was a bit worried as to how this turkey was going to turn out because I hadn't even done a turkey by myself before. the last Thanksgiving I did was before my mom died. Zilla was 4 months old, my mom was in a wheel chair, Dirty was working nights and the house was PACKED with my family. But my mom was there and she was able to help me, even though she was in her wheelchair. It was a day of playing pass the baby, praying that my turkey wasn't dry, and hoping there was enough food for everyone. Even though it was a stressful day, if I had any questions, I could turn around and ask my mom. This year, I didn't have that option, obviously.
Even though I didn't have that option, I didn't fall into a hole of depression while nursing a bottle of wine to get me through the day for the first time in almost 4 years. I was confident in my ability to make this dinner, even though I was doing it solo. It might have been because it was just the four of us, but I still did it! Not once did I feel sad or anything! Even when I pulled out some of her and my dad's china to use for dinner, I didn't get that stab of sorrow I'm so use too. I was happy and proud to use it. I used a few pieces of their china, a few pieces of Dirty's parents' and grandparents' china. I told the kids that it was like everyone was with us, it was a nice tradition to start. A tradition I intend to carry it on.
Dinner was wonderful, but the best part of it was the realization that I am healing. I don't know what "healed" looks like or if that is even possible, but I do know this feeling that I have now is pretty amazing. I still miss my mom like crazy, but not sitting on the couch right now in a daze is like a breath of fresh air.
Hopefully Christmas will be just as peaceful as Thanksgiving was. If not, I know I'll get through it. I always do.