Amaprincess said something BRILLIANT on Twitter last night and I couldn't agree with her more! She said she was going to give people in her life the "three strikes" rule, it works in baseball, why can't it work in life? I think we've decided she's going to make spread sheets and I'll be sending email notifications informing the offender what strike they're on. Her idea came at a perfect time for me because Peaches should be on her elevenbillionth strike by now.
Peaches has always been a selfish friend, I know this, yet I've continued to be her friend. I figured that me knowing what type of person she is will protect me from the hurt. It only works sometimes, though. Lately I haven't really confided in her about things. I don't see the point because she won't listen to me and she won't give me the support I need. I didn't tell her when I was upset about my mom's birthday, I didn't see the point. I knew I wasn't going to get the kind of support I needed, so why bother? When I got home from class that night and we lit the birthday candles on the cake I made and sang happy birthday, she asked "why are you all singing happy birthday?" Dirty told her it was my mom's birthday, I couldn't say it. I didn't really expect her to remember that it was my mom's birthday, but maybe asking me if I'm ok? When I was cutting the cake she asked me why I didn't say anything. That's her being selfish, again. Instead of just giving me the support I need, she turned it around. It's what she does.
Normally her selfishness doesn't effect me as much as it effects others. I can shrug my shoulders and brush it off as that's who she is. I'm finding it harder and harder to do that, lately. Thursday I got my letter from the college saying my grants have FINALLY come through and I needed to fill out my loan paper work. After class on Friday, WE were suppose to do that. I needed her help because she already filled out her paper work a few months ago. She didn't help me, she took off with one of her friends to return something. I was pissed off and hurt. I took the time to help her out when she was filling out her paper work, but she couldn't do the same for me. I decided to just let it go because being pissed off about it wasn't going to change anything. She had her daughter over here yesterday and we were all going to go the library, return some books and check out new ones. Mostly for something to do and get everyone out of the house. Give poor Dirty a break from all the insanity that us women add to his life. As I was getting ready, she asked how much longer, I told her about 5 minutes. Then her ex husband came over to drop something off for me, and we all started chatting. Next thing I know, her friend pulls up in the driveway. Surprised, I say "Oh Jack is here. What's she here for?" I'm thinking either Jack was going with us, or she was just dropping something off for Peaches. NOPE! Peaches says "Jack wanted me to go to Salem with her and run a few errands." Salem is about 30 minutes away from us, so it wasn't going to be a 5-10 jaunt, it was going to be an all day thing. I ask her "So you're not going to the library with me, then?" "No, you hadn't gotten your shoes on, so I figured we weren't going to go". She asks me if I want a ride and I said "nope" with a bit of an attitude. I was pissed off this time and no amount of convincing myself that this is just who she is was going to make me not pissed off anymore. She made plans with me and because I wasn't moving fast enough for her, she LEFT! Didn't say anything to me about going with someone else or asking me if we were still going, just left! That is rude! I don't care how self absorbed you are, you HAVE to know that is rude!
I stewed about it for the rest of the evening, trying to get over it. When she got home, I was still kind of pissy and acted as such toward her. Instead of apologizing to me for ditching me, she asked if I was going to be pissy for the rest of the night or draw it out for the next few days. This is where I should have taken the high road, but didn't. I told her "I think I'm just going to draw it out for the next few days" and walked away. Wasn't one of my prouder moments, but well deserved nonetheless. As of right now, we haven't talked much.
I'd like to be able to just get over this and move on, but I'm not sure I can. I've given her so many "chances" and made excuses for her behavior, I don't think I can do it anymore. I think I'll have Amaprincess draw her up a spread sheet or buy her a book on manners. In the mean time, I think I'll keep my emotions to myself. No more depending on Peaches for anything.
Nov 15, 2009
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17 friends have commented:
Kiddo, that totally sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with any of that crap, especially during this time when you are so busy with school and kids and stuff. I think your notion of getting some distance and perspective is a good one. Yikes some people can be just so...ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!
BTW-Congrats on getting your grants. Great job!
You are a very kind and generous person. You do NOT deserve a friend who takes and takes but does not give! It hardly even seems like a friendship if you are having to "let go" of all the slights she constantly dishes out. I'm not say I think you need to cut her out of your life -- obviously you care for her, so I'm sure she's a lovely person in many ways. But it sounds like some adjustment on your boundaries with her could be in order.
Good luck hun!!
Kick her ungrateful ass out the door. No one and I mean NO ONE will talk to me like that when they are under my fucking roof. I don't care who the hell they are or what their sob story is.
You have enough on your plate, you don't need her self important drama adding to it.
I'm so happy that you got your grants! Congrats!
I agree that it seems time for Peaches to go. Now that she's acting like a big girl and all, it's time to get her own place. Give her 30 days, and she's gone. I had a friend once like Peaches. I called her the "black hole". She took and took and took from everyone, but never reciprocated. I finally realized that I didn't need friends like her.
Um, time for her to go :)
You know that like you I have struggled with friends recently. I actually told one that I wasn't interested in talking to her anymore. I wished her and her DH all the best with their pregnancy and said toodles. Three strikes sounds like a good rule.
Glad to hear about the grants, taking care of the money stuff makes it easier to study.
I so agree with you. People who are like that should only get 3 strikes and then they're gone. You deserve someone who is going to support you and actually be a friend. As my mom would say, "With a friend like that, who needs enemies?"
Here from Stirrup Queens (the Un-Game)
I'm glad you are standing up for yourself, it's so hard to do though hey! I'm a lot like you; I give people way too many chances and then I just get hurt in the end. I'm getting better though!
ps. My friend Raelene has been reading your blog (her mom passed away over a year ago) and she says she loves it because she can totally relate. I'm so happy I gave her your link!
Yay for grants and yeah, I'm with Geek by Marriage, boot her. I know, I know, it's not so simple, but man, I don't know how you handle it. Really, you deserve a parade.
Three strikes and your out .. How did I not think of this before ?? I LOVE baseball :P
You do not deserve that cr@p.No way !! She needs to wise up or move out. I know its hard letting go of someone from your life.I've been struggling with this issue in regards to a friend of mine for a few months but if you give and give and give and all your getting back is hurt. Its time. You have every right to expect better from your close friends.
Your post really spoke to me so thank you.
On the plus side .. Grants came through YAAAAY! I hope you get good news on your loans ASAP :D
Love you bunches xX
I think that when we get angry it is a signal to us that something is not right. I am trying to learn not to ignore or push away my anger because it is uncomfortable. Our anger is like our inner selves communicating with us that something has hurt us. I am trying to learn to honor my anger and pay attention to it, and at least let myself feel it. It's very hard, as it goes against what I have done for so many years.
It sounds like you are getting sucked dry by Peaches. She has only made "withdrawals" from her friendship account--when does she make "deposits?"
Hugs galore to you. You deserve to have supportive IRL people surrounding you all the time. I volunteer (I can handle a killer commute).
Wow. I have a friend exactly like that. I'm struggling to decide if it's even worth it anymore, at my age (lol) do I really need to be dealing with drama? I think I know who my real friends are, and I'm really starting to feel like I'll be ok without her.
Thanks for the comment about my last blog, I really feel like you completely understand how I feel ,and that alone feels like therapy to me.
See! I'm making a little progress already :) Thank you.
It's taken me a long time to learn that you can have friends - or family members - that you care for and want the best for, but that are just not good for you. Sometimes, self-preservation is a bitch, but you gotta take care of you first.
Is Peaches still putting up with you? Frankly, she needs to get booted...I can't believe how selfish she is...
...if it were one incident, it is pardonable, but she really seems to be underlining it...Jeez!
Sweetie, I am so sorry she is being such a biotch. I agree with Ms. Geek and Aunt Becky. Kick Peaches' ungrateful ass out.
Yay for grants! I am so happy you have that off your plate and don't have to worry about it anymore.
As for Peaches . . . well, it does't sound like she is much of a friend. I know it is hard (impossible) to turn your back on someone you know so well and have such a long history with but I agree with Phoebe here. Peaches is sort of turning into a black hole and sucking the life and happiness from you. Has she done anything for you in return for all you have done for her these last few months? It might be time to have 'the talk' with her and send her on her way.
I'm glad your grants went through.
Gah! I have some friends who fit this list...and some family. It seems so cut and dry, the 3 strikes, but then I'd feel guilty even if I shouldn't.
You deserve better!
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