Nov 15, 2009

Three Strikes and You're OUT!

Musings of A Beautiful Mess

17 friends have commented:

IF Optimist, then... on November 15, 2009 at 2:02 PM said...

Kiddo, that totally sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with any of that crap, especially during this time when you are so busy with school and kids and stuff. I think your notion of getting some distance and perspective is a good one. Yikes some people can be just so...ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!

BTW-Congrats on getting your grants. Great job!

Sunny on November 15, 2009 at 2:07 PM said...

You are a very kind and generous person. You do NOT deserve a friend who takes and takes but does not give! It hardly even seems like a friendship if you are having to "let go" of all the slights she constantly dishes out. I'm not say I think you need to cut her out of your life -- obviously you care for her, so I'm sure she's a lovely person in many ways. But it sounds like some adjustment on your boundaries with her could be in order.

Good luck hun!!

GeekByMarriage on November 15, 2009 at 2:11 PM said...

Kick her ungrateful ass out the door. No one and I mean NO ONE will talk to me like that when they are under my fucking roof. I don't care who the hell they are or what their sob story is.

You have enough on your plate, you don't need her self important drama adding to it.

Phoebe on November 15, 2009 at 3:27 PM said...

I'm so happy that you got your grants! Congrats!

I agree that it seems time for Peaches to go. Now that she's acting like a big girl and all, it's time to get her own place. Give her 30 days, and she's gone. I had a friend once like Peaches. I called her the "black hole". She took and took and took from everyone, but never reciprocated. I finally realized that I didn't need friends like her.

Erin on November 15, 2009 at 3:58 PM said...

Um, time for her to go :)

You know that like you I have struggled with friends recently. I actually told one that I wasn't interested in talking to her anymore. I wished her and her DH all the best with their pregnancy and said toodles. Three strikes sounds like a good rule.

Glad to hear about the grants, taking care of the money stuff makes it easier to study.

Elana Kahn on November 15, 2009 at 6:26 PM said...

I so agree with you. People who are like that should only get 3 strikes and then they're gone. You deserve someone who is going to support you and actually be a friend. As my mom would say, "With a friend like that, who needs enemies?"

Here from Stirrup Queens (the Un-Game)

CanadianMama on November 15, 2009 at 6:30 PM said...

I'm glad you are standing up for yourself, it's so hard to do though hey! I'm a lot like you; I give people way too many chances and then I just get hurt in the end. I'm getting better though!

ps. My friend Raelene has been reading your blog (her mom passed away over a year ago) and she says she loves it because she can totally relate. I'm so happy I gave her your link!

Aunt Becky on November 15, 2009 at 7:03 PM said...

Yay for grants and yeah, I'm with Geek by Marriage, boot her. I know, I know, it's not so simple, but man, I don't know how you handle it. Really, you deserve a parade.

cysteract on November 15, 2009 at 7:08 PM said...

Three strikes and your out .. How did I not think of this before ?? I LOVE baseball :P

You do not deserve that cr@p.No way !! She needs to wise up or move out. I know its hard letting go of someone from your life.I've been struggling with this issue in regards to a friend of mine for a few months but if you give and give and give and all your getting back is hurt. Its time. You have every right to expect better from your close friends.

Your post really spoke to me so thank you.

On the plus side .. Grants came through YAAAAY! I hope you get good news on your loans ASAP :D

Love you bunches xX

Quiet Dreams on November 15, 2009 at 7:44 PM said...

I think that when we get angry it is a signal to us that something is not right. I am trying to learn not to ignore or push away my anger because it is uncomfortable. Our anger is like our inner selves communicating with us that something has hurt us. I am trying to learn to honor my anger and pay attention to it, and at least let myself feel it. It's very hard, as it goes against what I have done for so many years.

It sounds like you are getting sucked dry by Peaches. She has only made "withdrawals" from her friendship account--when does she make "deposits?"

Hugs galore to you. You deserve to have supportive IRL people surrounding you all the time. I volunteer (I can handle a killer commute).

Raelene on November 15, 2009 at 7:52 PM said...

Wow. I have a friend exactly like that. I'm struggling to decide if it's even worth it anymore, at my age (lol) do I really need to be dealing with drama? I think I know who my real friends are, and I'm really starting to feel like I'll be ok without her.

Thanks for the comment about my last blog, I really feel like you completely understand how I feel ,and that alone feels like therapy to me.
See! I'm making a little progress already :) Thank you.

Mugsy on November 15, 2009 at 9:02 PM said...

It's taken me a long time to learn that you can have friends - or family members - that you care for and want the best for, but that are just not good for you. Sometimes, self-preservation is a bitch, but you gotta take care of you first.

WiseGuy on November 16, 2009 at 4:52 AM said...

Is Peaches still putting up with you? Frankly, she needs to get booted...I can't believe how selfish she is...

...if it were one incident, it is pardonable, but she really seems to be underlining it...Jeez!

Kristin on November 16, 2009 at 10:09 AM said...

Sweetie, I am so sorry she is being such a biotch. I agree with Ms. Geek and Aunt Becky. Kick Peaches' ungrateful ass out.

JamieD on November 17, 2009 at 11:29 AM said...

Yay for grants! I am so happy you have that off your plate and don't have to worry about it anymore.

As for Peaches . . . well, it does't sound like she is much of a friend. I know it is hard (impossible) to turn your back on someone you know so well and have such a long history with but I agree with Phoebe here. Peaches is sort of turning into a black hole and sucking the life and happiness from you. Has she done anything for you in return for all you have done for her these last few months? It might be time to have 'the talk' with her and send her on her way.

Flying Monkeys on December 1, 2009 at 9:42 AM said...

I'm glad your grants went through.

Gah! I have some friends who fit this list...and some family. It seems so cut and dry, the 3 strikes, but then I'd feel guilty even if I shouldn't.
You deserve better!

Flying Monkeys on December 1, 2009 at 9:42 AM said...
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