Nov 25, 2009

We All Make Mistakes

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
Almost three years ago Dirty made a HUGE mistake. Like "I am the dumbest person on Earth and I don't deserve you" mistake. He didn't have an affair or anything like that, but it was pretty dumb.

My mom was dying, his grandfather was dying and we were driving to do some Christmas shopping. Christmas shopping is stressful enough, but add in two dying family members and a distraught wife, well it just makes the whole experience THAT much stressful. Just so you know, I am NOT making excuses for Dirty's behavior, nor has he, I'm simply explaining the situation. Anyway...we were driving down the highway and some guy decides to cut off Dirty. So much so that he had to slam on the breaks, causing my coffee to spill all over the floor. Dirty being a guy, decides to cut this guy off back, stupid idea number 1. Guy gets pissed, rightly so, and merges into our lane so much so that Dirty has to drive into the shoulder to avoid getting hit. Dirty is REALLY pissed off at this point, gets in front of him, stops our truck and GETS OUT OF THE IT! Stupid idea number 2. Guy is taken by surprise, rolls down his window and yells something unkind to Dirty. Dirty gets even MORE pissed, kicks out his leg and MAKES CONTACT WITH GUY'S REAR FENDER! Stupid idea number 3. He is just as surprised as Guy is, but his adrenalin is going and he's pretty shaken up. Not to mention really pissed off at himeself. We continue on down the road and didn't see guy again, apparently he saw US and called the cops. Dirty is apologizing to me and mentally kicking (HAHA) himself for letting the guy get the better of him. We finish our Christmas shopping and go about our Christmas festivities and such. His grandfather passes away on Christmas and before we go to the funeral (a few days later), 2 police officers show up at our door to ARREST DIRTY! He tells them we're on our way to a funeral and he'll "turn himself in" on our way home. Oddly enough they agree. I'm not sure why they agreed to that, but they did. We went to the funeral and then went to the police station on our way home. Dirty was booked and finger printed and all that stuff and then released. Not sure why, probably becuase it was a misdemeanor?

He got a court date and a lawyer and thought we had taken care of everything. We were making payments on the fines and the damage caused my him kicking the vehicle and Dirty was on probation. It was a big deal because Dirty was ON probabtion, but it was considered a misdemeanor, so the court didn't see it as a big deal. He had to check in every month when he payed his fees, no guns in the house and stay out of trouble. Fairly simple, until he got pulled over and TAKEN to jail last year becuase there was a warrant out for his arrest.

Dirty was working nights and would normally be home around 11pm and when he wasn't I was TRYING not to freak out. I willed myself to not think "my husband is dead" thoughts and go take a shower. I even left my phone in the bedroom, like a big girl. In the 15 minutes it took me to take a shower, he had called about 10 times, all from jail *sigh* Once he got a hold of me, I went into action. Called whoever I needed to call to BAIL my HUSBAND out of jail, called my dad cried to him, got off the phone and threw up in the driveway. I was FREAKING OUT, obviously. We had NO idea why there was a warrant out for him and we getting no information. The warrant was like 6 months old and we NEVER knew about it. We asked many questions, but once again, no answers. We finally bailed him out and made plans to call a lawyer first thing in the morning.

Dirty felt horrible and didn't even want to sleep in the same bed as me. He felt like he had "no right" to be in our family and was a poor example for our kids. I felt horrible for him, I wasn't even mad at him, I just felt bad. I assured him he did deserve to be in our family and we would get through this. And we did. We got a lawyer and did whatever we needed to do to fix this problem (again) so it could be behind us. From there on out, his court fees and such were paid first! There will be NO mistakes on our part so when November 23, 2009 came and he was off probation, we would have NOTHING to worry about.

We paid all of his fines and fees OFF last week, I even have the receipt to prove it. On November 19, Dirty went to the courthouse for the very last time (so we thought) and paid the rest of everything off. He could have gotten an extension, but we had the money then, so we just decided to pay it off, completely. We celebrated that night with a Blazer game and some beer. YAY, he was free! HA! Not even close!

Monday, I was in the kitchen boiling eggs for egg salad sandwiches when 2 police officers come strolling up our driveway. My first thought was "oh shit! I'm missing class tonight because Dirty is going to jail". When they came to the door and asked him Dirty by his first and last name, I knew we were in trouble and we were. They arrested in our LIVING ROOM for a warrant that was issued on the EXACT same day as the day he paid off his fees. The warrant was for probation violation in the amount of what the balance was, the balance that he had JUST paid off a few days ago. The cops were just as confused as were were, but had to do their job. they handcuffed him and led him to the cruiser. The whole time, I'm shaking and showing the cops the receipt that says "balance $0" and asking eleventybillion questions. The cops said it might be a clerical error, but they still have to take him down. So Dirty leaves our house in a POLICE CAR and I fall into roommates chest crying and shaking. I knew we would get it all figured out but WTF?!?! We did everything we were suppose to do! If there were ever an award for best behavior while on probation, Dirty would have gotten it. I know that sounds bad and like I'm grasping at straws or trying to make him sound good, but I'm not. We both know what he did was/is bad and he took responsibility for his actions. Many times, in fact. What he did was wrong and he is a dumbass for doing it. His words not mine, I just nod my head when he says it ;o)

I got to the ATM after he leaves, go to the jail post bail and wait...and wait...and wait some more. The women at the jail who took my money were COMPLETE bitches to me, by the way. I was scared and confused so I my questions may not have made much sense, but for them to treat me like they did was uncalled for.

The "incident" happened in a different county and that's who issued the warrant, so I asked if I needed to contact that county. "Do I need to call Washington County or fax them this receipt or do you do that? I really have no idea what I'm doing here, I'm a little new to this whole 'bail your husband out of jail thing' *nervous laughter* so what is my next step?" Yeah maybe I shouldn't have made a joke, but the other questions were pretty logical, right? I honestly wasn't trying to be a smartass, I just didn't know what to do. The gal, who looked like a toad, said "don't worry about it, they will get your money and if it is an error you will get your money back". She was SO snotty and rude, I had no idea what to say! The $168 it took to bail Dirty out of jail was the LEAST of my concerns. I just wanted to know what to do!

He calls me about 2 hours later because they had FINALLY released him, without a court date *sigh* he was instructed to call Other County the next day and find out when his court date is and to find out exactly what the warrant is for. He did that and he wasn't in their computers! They have NO record of the warrant, him being arrested and as far as their considered, he's off probation, so not their problem anymore.

He hung up totally confused and not knowing what to do next. You can't get arrested and NOT have a court date. Knowing our luck, he'd accept that and then get arrested a month later. He called back and asked more questions and they finally found him and gave him a court date. Whomever was giving him his court date thought the whole thing stupid because he was at THAT courthouse the SAME day the warrant was issued. Apparently someone made a mistake and didn't cross reference his fees or something, we really have no idea.

All we know that in a few weeks, he has to go to court and...then what? The judge might laugh at the absurdity of the whole thing, but we really have no idea. We do have the receipt for the fees being paid off, even thought they SHOULD have that information in their system. We are not taking any chances here, he is bringing ALL of his paperwork to that appointment.

Clearly we had a great week over here, how about you? Seriously though, this sucks, not only because Dirty made a STUPID choice, but also because apparently nobody knows how to subtract?

26 friends have commented:

My name is Andy. on November 25, 2009 at 1:02 PM said...

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} How awful for all of you! I hope you get it sorted out quickly!!

Sunny on November 25, 2009 at 1:17 PM said...

GOOD GRIEF!!! How ridiculous... it isn't surprising that the gov't messed up paperwork, but it's too bad that you guys have to suffer through this. I'm sure it will work out fine, based on what you said, but who needs the headache? Good luck!

sunflowerchilde on November 25, 2009 at 1:35 PM said...

OMG! What a crazy story! I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this. And that makes me really nervous that our justice system can get this stuff so screwed up!

Mugsy on November 25, 2009 at 2:23 PM said...

Oh my. There aren't really even words for how ridiculous this whole thing sounds. I'm sorry you guys have had to go through this. Poo.

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) on November 25, 2009 at 2:39 PM said...

Oh, honey! How terrible. I'm so sorry this has been such a mess. :(

GeekByMarriage on November 25, 2009 at 4:49 PM said...

That seriously sucks. Hope you get your money back and make them take this last arrest off the record.

Mrs Bee on November 25, 2009 at 7:26 PM said...

Wifey,
I promise never to get arrested okay?
lol

Hope everything is sorted out soon! I'd be putting in a complaint...

Mwah.
x
Sass

Kristin on November 25, 2009 at 10:49 PM said...

Holy shit hon! That seriously sucks. {{{Hugs}}} and I hope it all gets straightened out soon.

gerardinebaugh on November 26, 2009 at 12:12 AM said...

I could not stop reading your post; it was like a bad accident in slow motion. The legal system does not have a sense of humor. Bring all paper work. Good luck!!

WiseGuy on November 26, 2009 at 2:10 AM said...

Jeeeeesus! What What What the hell is wrong with them!!!

Another of my facebook friend recently had it in his status that he got off some skirmish with the law in the US for $25, coz he was able to prove that the date he received for appearance in the court was not correctly stated...

I did not expect these things from the American judicial system. Guess we are all humans after all.

I hope Dirty has learnt the lesson on road rage...but it is so bad that he has to be bearing the brunt for soooooo loooooong...hope they do not make you suffer anymore.

Stacie on November 26, 2009 at 9:07 AM said...

Ugh! The stress you must all be under! I do hope that the court system figures out and corrects the error quickly and your family can put this all behind you.

Seems a lot unfair that Dirty is the one who got in trouble and the other guy seems to have got off scott free. Sigh. Maybe that is just me? It took two to tango on this issue.

Hugs.

SassyCupcakes on November 26, 2009 at 4:19 PM said...

That is just ridiculous. I hope the court appearance goes as it should and this is finally over for you guys.

Phoebe on November 27, 2009 at 6:28 AM said...

I missed part of your story, as some of it seems to have been accidentally deleted, but from what I could get of it, the other guy was at fault too. In my county, he would have had to take some of the blame as well.

Secondly, you must live in a really low crime area for cops to be arresting people that have made all their requirements. What a waste of tax payer money. I hope you get a better lawyer and get this all settled for once and all!

TSM Oregon on November 27, 2009 at 12:06 PM said...

As we talked about the other day, it's ridiculous that the county responsible somehow was processing a warrant the same day the fines were all paid. Jeez. Stupid! Glad everything is ok now.

Quiet Dreams on November 27, 2009 at 1:48 PM said...

Poor Dirty & poor you!
Sounds like he has gotten his "punishment" x10!

I also would lodge a complaint after it is all over with.

I'm so sorry.

Busted Tube on November 28, 2009 at 3:16 PM said...

Ugh, what a mess! I get so frustrated with the way our justice system fails to work sometimes. I hope you guys are well and can get everything straightened out soon!
Happy Thanksgiving!

Aunt Becky on November 29, 2009 at 6:35 AM said...

Dude. That just SUCKS. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. What a mess.

IF Optimist, then... on November 29, 2009 at 12:11 PM said...

Oh my gawd what a clusterfuck of immense government dumbass magnitude. The worse thing is that they don't give a rip about real people and how this type of ineptitude affects their lives. Hope everything gets cleared up at the next court date and when you are both 75 years old you can laugh about it.

Flying Monkeys on December 1, 2009 at 9:37 AM said...

Holy sheep!! That is freakin' nuts! The whole thing. The guy who started it, your husband being in an emotional state the prompted a non-typical reaction and the ineptness of the court system. I'm sorry. I hope it gets cleared up soon.

Chayce's Momma on December 1, 2009 at 11:04 AM said...

Oh my, I have been gone for about a week and am just now getting this story! I am so sorry you are going through this. It's so frustrating when the system you know and trust in screws you over!! (((HUGS)))

MissMeliss on December 1, 2009 at 7:27 PM said...

OMFG..... OMG. wow. i was just checking in to see how you are doing...and i see this!!!!! HOW HORRIBLE!!!!! I'm so sorry you and hubby have had to go through all this. :( i can't believe how awful they've been to him. i really hope you get it fixed this time FOR GOOD. that just seems beyond ridiculous them putting out another warrant...

of course, knowing how things have gone the past 2.5 years with sis and ex-bil... i can, very unfortunately, believe it. :(

BIG BIG BIG HUGS to you...

melissa

JJ on December 2, 2009 at 12:38 PM said...

First, I am sorry I am late to post my hugs! But I am sorry you are having to deal with all this--
Hoping for clear skies SOON!
xoxo

Ji on December 3, 2009 at 3:16 PM said...

It is true that we are imperfect, and ask for forgiveness is acceptable and no shame, dwell on errors may not be helpful, and move on or fix it if possible is the option.

Life it Ready 4 U

http://www.jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com

CanadianMama on December 5, 2009 at 11:17 AM said...

OMG I feel sick to my stomack reading this post - you poor thing! I feel so bad for you guys. I really wish there was something I could do.

Good luck - BIG HUGE HUGS!!!!!

Bubblewench on December 14, 2009 at 10:05 AM said...

Holy F***! Damn. Stupid court systems don't know what they are donig.

Coffeegrl on January 8, 2010 at 11:20 PM said...

This is so hard! I can't believe this mix-up! And doesn't it suck when honest hard-working people who made a mistake and are trying to fix it just keep getting screwed while the real bad guys are still running around loose on the streets committing crimes??! Hope this all had a happy ending. (I'm still catching up on my backlog of blog reading can you tell???!)

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