August ICLW!

HAPPY ICLW all!

I'll give you a quick low down of what this blog is all about. I'm a 33 year old Beautiful Mess. I gave myself that nickname when I heard the song by Jason Mraz *dreamy sigh* entitled A Beautiful Mess. (My blog title, I borrowed from the album the song is on. Obsessed much?) It described me perfectly as I was grieving the loss of my mother. Who passed away January 15, 2006. Although, I didn't actually grieve her death up until December and came to the apex in May.

I tend to blog about life after losing my mom and what it's like to not have her here with me, in person. I'm married to Dirty (I've changed his name from Husband to Dirty, it fits better) We do have two children. Nae is 12 and Zilla is 6. We encountered secondary infertility due to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) when Nae was 1 1/2. We had two miscarriages along the way and when we got one to stick, I was a mess! I got shingles (really!) and they couldn't give me anything because none of the doctors had encountered a pregnant woman with shingles before! Everything was fine in the end, but the journey to get there was NOT an easy road.

We are done building our family due to many factors. One being getting and STAYING pregnant isn't easy for me. Two, I don't do pregnancy well. I have severe morning sickness, I get PPD, and pre term labor. My pregnancy with Zilla was the worst. As happy as we were to have our second, I went bat shit crazy! My poor husband and family, I swear. Also, I can't imagine going through another pregnancy without my mother.

My mother and father were and are very special people in my life. I am very close to my dad and I dread the day he joins my mom.

Due to my mother's death, I haven't lived life to the fullest. I was scared for many years to go anywhere. I didn't like to leave the house and if I did, the family HAD to go with me. I avoided many situations, if there was a possibility I would cry. I HATE crying.

As of today, I'm working on my "death issues", as I like to call them. I'm trying to leave the house more without my family. I'm trying not to freak out if Husband isn't home when he says he'll be home. I tend to freak out when he tells me he's going to the market to get soda or something and isn't home in 15 minutes.

I also took a huge step and enrolled in college. I'm doing my pre-req's for the pre-nursing program. I've met just about every roadblock there is to meet, but I will NOT be discouraged and AM forging ahead. I got my class schedule on Wednesday and will start on September 28th. If my funding doesn't go through, I may have to start in January. But I won't know ANYTHING until...I have no idea. So, I will walk into my classroom on September 28th and will not move unless they pry my hands off the desk. The grant process is a long and difficult process. Anyone that tells you otherwise is LYING to you!

That's about it. I'm off to read more blogs and possibly add more to my Reader.

HAPPY ICLW everyone!