Aug 22, 2009

August ICLW!

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
HAPPY ICLW all!

I'll give you a quick low down of what this blog is all about. I'm a 33 year old Beautiful Mess. I gave myself that nickname when I heard the song by Jason Mraz *dreamy sigh* entitled A Beautiful Mess. (My blog title, I borrowed from the album the song is on. Obsessed much?) It described me perfectly as I was grieving the loss of my mother. Who passed away January 15, 2006. Although, I didn't actually grieve her death up until December and came to the apex in May.

I tend to blog about life after losing my mom and what it's like to not have her here with me, in person. I'm married to Dirty (I've changed his name from Husband to Dirty, it fits better) We do have two children. Nae is 12 and Zilla is 6. We encountered secondary infertility due to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) when Nae was 1 1/2. We had two miscarriages along the way and when we got one to stick, I was a mess! I got shingles (really!) and they couldn't give me anything because none of the doctors had encountered a pregnant woman with shingles before! Everything was fine in the end, but the journey to get there was NOT an easy road.

We are done building our family due to many factors. One being getting and STAYING pregnant isn't easy for me. Two, I don't do pregnancy well. I have severe morning sickness, I get PPD, and pre term labor. My pregnancy with Zilla was the worst. As happy as we were to have our second, I went bat shit crazy! My poor husband and family, I swear. Also, I can't imagine going through another pregnancy without my mother.

My mother and father were and are very special people in my life. I am very close to my dad and I dread the day he joins my mom.

Due to my mother's death, I haven't lived life to the fullest. I was scared for many years to go anywhere. I didn't like to leave the house and if I did, the family HAD to go with me. I avoided many situations, if there was a possibility I would cry. I HATE crying.

As of today, I'm working on my "death issues", as I like to call them. I'm trying to leave the house more without my family. I'm trying not to freak out if Husband isn't home when he says he'll be home. I tend to freak out when he tells me he's going to the market to get soda or something and isn't home in 15 minutes.

I also took a huge step and enrolled in college. I'm doing my pre-req's for the pre-nursing program. I've met just about every roadblock there is to meet, but I will NOT be discouraged and AM forging ahead. I got my class schedule on Wednesday and will start on September 28th. If my funding doesn't go through, I may have to start in January. But I won't know ANYTHING until...I have no idea. So, I will walk into my classroom on September 28th and will not move unless they pry my hands off the desk. The grant process is a long and difficult process. Anyone that tells you otherwise is LYING to you!

That's about it. I'm off to read more blogs and possibly add more to my Reader.

HAPPY ICLW everyone!

30 friends have commented:

Gabby on August 22, 2009 at 2:36 AM said...

what a nice post -- i knew about your angel mom and about your getting better about not leaving the house, but i had forgotten about college.. i am so excited for you!! that is great, great to hear!

Clio on August 22, 2009 at 6:52 AM said...

I didn't remember you had all these phobias about leaving the house. I'm so glad you are making huge steps in getting better from that. Trusting life may be hard, but it's so very rewarding. :)

Aunt Becky on August 22, 2009 at 9:00 AM said...

Sometimes I have issues leaving the house too! Further proof that we ARE soul sisters.

Busted Tube on August 22, 2009 at 9:23 AM said...

Happy ICLW to you!
Let the comments and new discoveries begin!

Fertility Chick on August 22, 2009 at 3:59 PM said...

Happy ICLW!

Thank you for sharing all of this. While I've been reading your blog for a little while, I feel like I've learned some new things. :)

Congrats again on going back to school - I think that's just amazing!!

Sunny on August 22, 2009 at 7:33 PM said...

What a great summary!! My fingers and toes are crossed that the grant comes through ASAP. I am so excited for you to get started. :D

Kristin on August 22, 2009 at 7:40 PM said...

I am so impressed with the growth and progress I have seen you go through while we have known each other.

Keeping everything crossed and hoping that darned grant goes through in time.

In Due Time on August 22, 2009 at 8:37 PM said...

You are a beautiful mess.. love you! :-)

Barefoot on August 22, 2009 at 9:26 PM said...

Congrats on moving forward with school -- so exciting! There is nothing like the first day of school, and I'm hoping that you get there by September!

Tiffanie on August 22, 2009 at 9:55 PM said...

ohhhh, good summary! i didn't know some of that stuff.

come on grant!

WiseGuy on August 23, 2009 at 12:40 AM said...

Okay, you just reminded me of bat shit crazy! Love that..

Wanting you to be happy and healthy always! And oh, Good Luck!


ICLW

Dot on August 23, 2009 at 6:11 AM said...

Happy ICLW !! Just found your blog and looking forward to getting to know you more. Congrats on going back to school :)

farmerswife06 on August 23, 2009 at 6:56 AM said...

What a great summary! I loved the term Bat shit Crazy! May I steal it? I will just use it for special occasions! I promise. I'm glad I connected to you. And thanks for the comment I look forward to finding out if the grant comes thorugh. Good luck!! And I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!!

Carrie on August 23, 2009 at 7:03 AM said...

Hi from ICLW!

I'm so sorry about your mom but I can totally relate to freaking out when people don't show up when they are supposed to. I lost my brother, my fiance, my grandpa and five friends in a three year time-span. Needless to say, after that every time the phone rang I expected it to be a call that someone else had died... I was just always waiting for the next tragedy.

It took me a good five years to come to grips with my fiance's death. I *still* tend to get ugly thoughts though when my husband is late. I think IF and a death of a close loved one are similiar in the fact that they never truly leaves you.

Actually, this is one of my favorite quotes: "Like the memory of our loved ones, grief never fades away. We just grow stronger to support the weight of it."

JamieD on August 23, 2009 at 9:22 AM said...

I didn't know you got to enroll for this fall! YAY!! Hoping, praying, wishing everything goes through so you don't have to push back to January.

STC on August 23, 2009 at 11:37 AM said...

i too had some phobias about leaving the house. Mine was more induced by the fear I felt when I had postpartum depression. I am glad you are taking steps, so to speak! Good luck to you and thank you for blogging!

Low Fat Lady on August 23, 2009 at 1:02 PM said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog and the positive juju :) I am sorry about your mom. I bet you will do great in September. Good luck!

BB on August 24, 2009 at 5:20 AM said...

Thanks for your comments on my blog! Sorry about your Mom, but it is great to know that you are taking steps to move on! Good luck with your school! {HUGS}

Brooke on August 24, 2009 at 7:07 PM said...

I have really enjoyed reading your post. I just love the names of your children. I know your mother is proudly watching over you

Summer @ B is for Brown on August 25, 2009 at 12:17 PM said...

how did i not know all of this???

beautiful mess. i like it a lot.

husband calls me beautifully broken after the song by gov't mule.

boob sweat. lol.

Summer @ B is for Brown on August 25, 2009 at 12:18 PM said...

btw, i hate leaving the apt. if i need to take the trash to the shoot and i see someone - i throw it and run!

not trying to make light of it, just making you giggle.

Poltzie on August 25, 2009 at 3:35 PM said...

Hey, it was good to have the little intro; being new to your blog and all!

I was wondering though, who is Peaches? Can you blog about her?

jill on August 26, 2009 at 8:43 AM said...

Great summary. I'm sorry about your mom, I lost a parent too. Wishing you lots of luck with school! That's awesome that you're going back!

becomingwhole on August 26, 2009 at 1:48 PM said...

You are my hero, do you know?

Amaprincess on August 26, 2009 at 7:50 PM said...

HUGS!!!

wifey on August 27, 2009 at 5:38 AM said...

Thanks for sharing your story. And kudos to you for going into nursing - nurses are the heros of the medical world!

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL on August 27, 2009 at 5:36 PM said...

What a great "intro!" Hoping you hear about the grant $$ soon. :)

kathi on August 28, 2009 at 12:24 PM said...

Thanks for stopping by for ICLW! I am also a big fan of Jason Mraz and especially love the "I'm Yours" video since it was filmed in my home state. Kudos to you for getting past your fears and going to college, and good luck with getting your grant on time!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the informative information - I enjoyed reading it! I always enjoy this blog. :) Cheers, www.women-giving-birth-videos.com

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the informative information - I enjoyed reading it! I always enjoy this blog. :) Cheers, women-giving-birth-videos.com

Post a Comment

 

Life induces thoughts, Copyright © 2010 Designed by Ipietoon Blogger Template Sponsored by Online Shop Vector by Artshare - Blogger Template