Aug 16, 2009

My Hands Are Tied

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
I am feeling SO much better today. Thank you for the laughs and good wishes. It's weird to not be able to move much, but have NO physical signs. My lovely husband referred to me as a Lamborghini. He said "you are hot and great 90% of the time, but when you brake down, you BREAK DOWN! And the repairs are costly. But you're worth it." All I could do was laugh because, DAMMIT, he's right! Although this time, all he had to buy to "fix" me was some Calamine lotion. Oh and he had to cook dinner one night. Even though all he did was throw a frozen lasagna in the oven. Still, he cooked it all the way through! YAY go hubby! ;o)

As I wasn't feeling so well, we found out my niece had her friend cut her hair...with a razor. We found this out because Nae was on Myspace and apparently Niece had told all her "friends" about it. Nae goes to Nieces pictures to see her new hair cut and OMG there are very inappropriate pictures of Niece on her page!

Niece is 13 years old but has the body of a 20 something year old and is VERY naive (or so we though). BAD combo! Her parents are completely oblivious of where this is headed. Well her father is. Her mother, I don't know, honestly. She took action, but not strict enough action.

When we saw the pictures her mother freaked out, called Niece and Niece's father and they had a talk about it. Her father made her take down the one that was the most inappropriate, but didn't look at the rest of them. Niece's mother took care of the rest, by calling her and telling her to take them down immediately. Which was done, but STILL. They were on the Internet already and I would be VERY surprised if they weren't copied onto some boy's (man's) computer. Plus they can be accessed through cache. She just does not get how serious this is. I don't think ANY of them do.

Husband and I made a point to talk to Nae about it, since that is all we can do. We aren't Niece's parents. We can't do anything. Our hands are completely tied. Which is so frustrating because I can see where this is going! Why can't they?!

Her punishment was, she was grounded from the computer for a month. That's it! Her page wasn't deleted. Her phone wasn't taken away. She was not told she couldn't go over to her friend's house with whom she took these pictures with anymore. Nothing! Just grounded from the Internet for a month. AAARRRGGGG

We told Nae that if she EVER does anything on the Internet even CLOSE to this, we will give her computer to Zilla. I swear if that was Nae, she would be in SO much trouble right now. She would be DAMN lucky she was sleeping on a bed!

I just want to say thank you to anyone who I have emailed with (Stacie) and asked for advice and you gave it to me AND made me listen! I'm not dumb. I know kids do stupid things on the Internet and off the Internet but I also know Nae is different. But I also know how fragile the pre-teen and teen years can be. I don't want to ever be so blind and think "oh not my kid" because YES it could be. If my "innocent" 13 year old Niece is doing it, then it could just as easily be Nae. This wasn't as much of a wake up call for me and Husband, as it was a confirmation on how right our decisions were that we made months ago.

I feel terrible that there is nothing I can do for Niece. I really hate that my "subtle" suggestions aren't being taken seriously. I hate that these parents are doing a damn thing about this incident. I am so frustrated because the road those kids are going down, is going to lead them in a bad direction. I will be very surprised if they get good grades this school year and none of them aren't doing drugs. Seriously.

17 friends have commented:

rocket.queen. on August 16, 2009 at 4:23 AM said...

Am I wrong for reading the title and launching into GNR Civil War (fanfuckngtastic song btw)???

OMG on the 13 year old and racy myspace pictures. I mean, I am one to talk, but I am 24 and never had a racy picture online until AFTER I was 18. Sounds like her parents need a date with a clue-by-four!

Kristin on August 16, 2009 at 6:12 AM said...

I'm glad you are feeling better and I love the description of you being like a Lamborghini.

And, I agree with rocket.queen about the "clue-by-four". OMG, I love that term.

Aunt Becky on August 16, 2009 at 10:56 AM said...


I could see Ben doing something like that some day. He's Captain Oblivious and man, I don't relish this day.

becomingwhole on August 16, 2009 at 11:00 AM said...

Ditto re: the clue-by-four.

So scary all the online oldest niece is 11 and about to enter middle school--scary!

I also love your husband's description of you ;). Hope you're feeling much better...sounded horrible.

Sheliza on August 16, 2009 at 11:14 AM said...

This is a reason I am super psychotic strict. I allow my girls to have a Facebook and I have the password and check it every week. They have one chance to mess up and that shit gets a big ass DELETE!!

Sunny on August 16, 2009 at 12:40 PM said...

This is why I'm hopeful our next baby is also a boy. ;) No, I know, they do stupid stuff too... just different stupid stuff.

It's really sad that your Niece's parents aren't more strict about this. I would probably have been locked in my room for a year. But what would have been worse, I would have known that I disappointed my parents.

I hope that she grows up without any severe consequences from this, and that she eventually sees how inappropriate this all is. But it seems to be harder for the ones with the mature bodies, because they get so much more attention from guys. And they love it!

Jenn on August 16, 2009 at 12:42 PM said...

Sooo totally glad you are feeling a bit better - BTW...I am so sorry you ended up with that nastiness in the first place. Although it sounds as if you had fun getting there.

As for the the racy pics....I am SOOOO with you! I have seen a few of my friends' kids myspace pages and holy shit would NOT believe what they post!

Glad you talked to Nae about it in no uncertain terms~!

I hope all the discomfort goes away soon!

HUGS (and sorry for being away for so long- missed ya)

Clio on August 16, 2009 at 1:44 PM said...

glad you are feeling better from your hot bath skin ordeal. Oh my!
Then about kids and internet, I so agree with you. This is much more complicated than kids can imagine, and parents do need to take strict measures. However this is all so widely done that I'm not even sure if there's a way of educating, or preventing this type of exposure from happening. The problem is that it's socially widely believed that racy pictures are a good thing, are daring and all, and kids by wanting to be like adults, of course they'll imitate that.

eden on August 16, 2009 at 6:43 PM said...

I love wket Queen said .. I did the exact same thing!

And wow, some kind of funky skin itchies. See ... see what happens when you drink!! ;) It actually sounds like you had a great time, spunky policewoman. XO

Jaymee on August 17, 2009 at 1:05 AM said...

this is always a horrible situation. my friends gave their daughter a fb account, but only if she let me be her friend. so basically i was in charge of keeping up with what she was doing, not something that i mind but also not a position that i wanted to really be in. she was posting pictures and having conversations that i was very uncomfortable with. i spoke with her and her parents about it and they did nothing. now her parents have accounts so some of the pressure is off, but it is still a horrible situation. i get a call this weekend that at 15 she is pregnant, and i wish that i could say i was suprised.

the internet and teens are just not a good mix.

so sorry that this is happening in your family. at least it was a good teaching lesson and opened the door for you to talk to your child.

Amaprincess on August 17, 2009 at 6:06 AM said...

Watching family members start on that road is so aggravating! I know...I'm there now....

Good for you for being a mom who is involved in what her daughter does!!

kate on August 17, 2009 at 1:28 PM said...

Just the fact that you are actively vigilant with your daughter's computer use and that you make your feelings clear means that you are THAT much more likely to have a kid who WON'T do dumb stuff like that. You are right- it is so dangerous to let kids have unfettered access to sites where they can share those kinds of things with the world. I'm glad you told her parents and glad they took some sort of action, but you are also right in stating that your hands really are tied. It is unfortunate, but there isn't much else you can do, other than protect your own children, inform her parents, and hope they do the right thing. Sad, but true.

JamieD on August 17, 2009 at 7:55 PM said...

Nae may not realize it now, but she is so lucky to have parents who care and pay as much attention as you do. The internet can make the world a very scary place.

LOVE the lamborghini comment!!

Flying Monkeys on August 17, 2009 at 9:33 PM said...

We won't have computers in bedrooms, well they're 9 and 2 so it's not a worry yet. My oldest gets frustrated we won't let him roam randomly through the web but I can across some kiddie porn, that I very promptly reported to my local police then tried to scrub out of my brain with steel wool, so I have concerns about the internet and teens. IF I found the pictures you're describing their ass would be grass!

Tiffanie on August 18, 2009 at 4:49 AM said...

uggghhh, sorry you were sick. when i read your symptoms i knew immediately what that was! not b/c i am an awesome nurse, but b/c dh and i got it on our anniversary about 4 years ago. the itchy bumps and swollen lymph nodes in my armpits were the WORST! ouch!

your dh comment was funny!

and, what a bummer about school. i hope it gets worked out.

WiseGuy on August 18, 2009 at 6:05 AM said...

Okay hands down! Your hubby has a great Sense of Humour!

I am really shocked at the low-level of punishment your niece has been meted out. You may be looking at a future wreck here.

And Nae will not be like that...because her parents will be there to ensure that she does not do anything irresponsible...not as punishers, but as mentors!

Good girl, Danielle!

I am still not in my usual bloggy groove...the four day break has quite put me off the balance, so forgive me for not responding earlier.


A Mom in Jacksonville, FL on August 18, 2009 at 6:07 PM said...

Your DH rocks! I love the comparision between you and a lamborghini---cool!

Major UGH about your frustrating. At least you were able to have a teachable moment with Nae about the whole thing.


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