Aug 7, 2009

Some Just Won't Ever Get It, Will They?

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
**children mentioned**

The other day I was emailing back and forth with my MIL and she asked about how my test went. I told her all about it and I also told her our plans on what was going to happen within the next few months. I told her our plans because she asked.

Generally my MIL and I get along really well. We've had our moments, but we're past them. I don't know if she ever had a problem with me, but I sure as hell had a problem with her and FIL a few years back. It wasn't just me, either. Husband was pretty pissed off at them, as well. Husband and I decided to just forget it and move on. We did this for Nae. She was just a baby when all the shit went down. We decided to allow them to be them and take it with a grain of salt. Nae will figure out her grandparents are assholes on her own. She didn't need to have the decision made for her.

Things were going great! OK, not great, but not too bad. MIL gave me advice a few times and them Husband told her to back off. "We were going to raise our daughter how we want to raise her. Not how YOU would raise her." Oooohhh go Husband! Now every time she tries to give us advice, Husband interrupts her and we move on. SCORE!!!

Then she sends me an email asking if Husband is going back to work anytime soon. I tell her that he will stay home with the children and do all that stuff while I go to school. I even told her about how when I get my class schedule *EEK* him and I are going to sit down and figure things out. She asked about daycare or Nae watching Zilla. Well, yes that's an option, but frankly we don't like that option. Zilla isn't Nae's responsibility, he is ours. I proceed to tell her how very over protective we are and the children have had ONE babysitter and that was the year before last when we HAD to do Christmas shopping. And that babysitter was my best friend. I know it's crazy and ya'll are rolling your eyes and thinking "damn that bitch is CRAAAZY" but it's how we are. And here's why...you're gonna LOVE this story. Grab your popcorn!

Before we got pregnant with Nae, my older sister would leave my nephew with either, Husband and I or my parents. Not because she was a single mom and had to work to support herself and her child but because she was a crack whore (told ya Fertility Chick). Literally, she was a crack whore. She would go out and sell her body for crack. We didn't have concrete evidence at the time, we found all that out later. So, nephew was basically raised by my parents and Husband and I. It was the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. My little nephew wanting his mommy who was too busy with her habit to see her son. Totally pissed off Husband and I. But because we loved Nephew so much, we did what was needed for him. Then we got pregnant with Nae. Everything went downhill with that pregnancy from the beginning. I got hit by a car while walking across a crosswalk(!) 8 weeks pregnant, morning sickness, potential heart problems for her, pre-term labor and bed rest. So we weren't really in a position to take care of Nephew anymore. Thankfully my parents stepped in.

Since we weren't involved as closely as before, we were able to really look at the situation and what it was doing to Nephew. We had a long discussion on how we wanted to raise our baby. I remember this conversation like it was yesterday. I was wearing a blue shirt and jeans, we were sitting at Shari's and Husband was sitting across from me. We were eating fries, he was drinking coffee and I was drinking tea. I looked at him and said "I do not want this baby to EVER feel the way Nephew has felt!" He, obviously felt the same. We decided that Nae didn't asked to be born. We made the choice to have this baby and we were not going to drop her off at whim. If we needed to do something, we either take her, one of stays home, or a RESPONSIBLE family member babysits her. We have never once regretted having that conversation or making that decision. Yes, there have been times when a movie with Hubby sounds good, but we will have time for that later.

Then we tried for years to have another and once we captured the dream, there was NO way in HELL we were letting it go! We became just a LITTLE bit more neurotic once Zilla was born. His first experience away from us, he was almost 6 months old and he and Nae stayed with my BIL and his wife while we had some friends over for New Year's Eve. We had so much fun and we knew both the children were safe. Then we woke up to about 6 inches of SNOW on the ground! Cue panic and chaos! "How the hell were we going to get the kids?! OMG did it REALLY dump a shit ton of snow on us?! Did we know this was coming?! WTF?!" Picture me running around the house like a mad woman, calling everyone I knew trying to get the children home. Thankfully my BIL had to go by our house to take someone to the airport and dropped the children off in his all wheel drive mini van. The children never really had a sitter after that.

Even the decision for me to go back to work was hard for us. Even though I would be taking the children with me. We were still having to give up some control over raising them. When I went back to work with Zilla, I told my boss I HAD to be in the infant room with him or I wasn't coming back. She rearranged the schedule and I was the new "baby room teacher".

I know you're thinking I smother my children, but I don't. I swear! They have a lot of fun with either, me or Husband. I've lightened up a bit and have allowed Nae to walk to the park with her friends, unsupervised. Zilla goes to his friend's house across the street and plays all day long, some days.

Anyway...I tell MIL abut how Husband is staying home with the children and how over protective we are. Even though she KNOWS it! She didn't really address that part of the email, but I felt I got my point across. That is, until her email today...

She emailed me telling about two jobs she found for Husband :-| I look at Husband and tell him "YOUR mother just emailed me about two jobs for you EVEN after I told her that you were staying home with the children for awhile!" He told me to not bother emailing her back, it's a waste of time, clearly. I didn't and I had pretty much forgotten about it, then it crawled to the front of my mind and now I can't let it go!

She completely disregarded they way we've chosen to raise our children! She made the choice to COMPLETELY ignore my email yesterday about how we NEED for Husband to be home, when I go back to school. The children aren't use to me being gone, so it'll a bit of an adjustment. I'm sure we're overreacting, but for right now this is OUR choice. We don't know what my schedule will be like. We don't know if my classes will be during the day while they're at school or at night. She knows all of this, yet she still emailed me to tell me about the job openings.

I'm sure she was just being a mom and passing along the info, but it still pisses me off.


26 friends have commented:

WiseGuy on August 8, 2009 at 7:25 AM said...

LOL...your answer lies in the apt blog post title....

Zilla isn't Nae's responsibility, he is ours. That's a great attitude.

All the best to you people!

Lisa on August 8, 2009 at 7:49 AM said...

I'm laughing right now at how different the content of this post from my most recent one . . . and yet it's the same problem. It's one thing to offer "help" when someone needs it or you know she's open to it. Quite another when all you have is your own agenda that fails to take into account the other person's real situation.

Thank you for all your support. I don't get out and about around tons of blogs anymore, and you've been so sweet to follow along on mine.

Lisa on August 8, 2009 at 7:50 AM said...

That should say "how different the content of this post IS."

Sunny on August 8, 2009 at 10:00 AM said...

Some people think that they way THEY see the world is capital-t Truth. But each person -- each family -- has different needs and priorities.

The world would be such a better place if we could respect each other's decisions!

Good for you for sticking your ground. It's great that DH doesn't hesitate to speak up to her, on behalf of the both of you.

Kristal on August 8, 2009 at 12:17 PM said...

I am sorry your MIL is being naggy, no you are not over protected,your a mom and thats how we roll...

**hugs**

love ya

Fertility Chick on August 8, 2009 at 8:27 PM said...

OMG - I got a blog shout out! I am honoured!!

But in all seriousness, I'm sorry about what your nephew has been through and am grateful that you, your husband, and parents stepped in when your sister could/would not.

It sounds to me like you have two children who are very much loved. You do what's best for your family - I agree with others - stick your ground!!

Amaprincess on August 8, 2009 at 8:50 PM said...

You got hit by a car ?!?!? Holy Crap lady!! You got lots going on!! Glad to see my MIL isnt the only one "all up in our bid-ness" =)

Kristin on August 8, 2009 at 9:48 PM said...

Grrrrrrr....that kind of disregard and interference would drive me bat shit crazy.

We have Angel Wings on August 9, 2009 at 7:05 AM said...

As hard as it is, try not to let her bother you.

She doesn't understand where you're coming from and she probably never will.

You guy's have to do what's right and what works for you and if this works, then so be it.

MIL's are the greatest, aren't they?! **insert eye roll**

SS on August 9, 2009 at 11:02 AM said...

how frustrating! i have a similar (but actually opposite) problem with my MIL- she always talks about me not working anymore when she knows that I am career oriented.

Aunt Becky on August 9, 2009 at 12:43 PM said...

I wish Dave would stand up to his mother.

TSM Oregon on August 9, 2009 at 12:54 PM said...

I say stand your ground and just ignore when she does that. She's a mom, ya know? Some Moms think they know best. I know a few like that. Thankfully you have a husband who is absolutely a team player! Yay you!!

becomingwhole on August 9, 2009 at 3:09 PM said...

Gotta say I agree with Aunt Becky... :)

I've said it before: one of the best things about the Big Split--no more MIL! (not that I'm advocating that for you at all...LOL)

nancy on August 9, 2009 at 5:05 PM said...

pppsssttt.... just stopping by for a little "hi". Sorry I've been absent but I swear to be better. You've been so good to me and I promise to be back! ~hug~

dirtydisher on August 9, 2009 at 8:13 PM said...

Your MIL is like a cat peeing on a chair and marking his territory. She thinks you guys are wrong and her son needs a job. I'd have a hard time ignoring it. I like that you don't leave your kids. It's a shame people have to.

Chayce's Momma on August 10, 2009 at 10:06 AM said...

I too have an annoying MIL. She is the kind of person who will NOT follow instructions. For example, she comes to watch the baby while we go to a baseball game. Well I label EVERYTHING (milk, juice after milk, dinner, snack) only to come home to find the "dinner" still in the fridge and she had opened something else to give to him. Ugh! Frustrating. But that's the grandma and I have to deal with it as hard as it is. You know how that goes!! Kudos to the husband for sticking up for you tho, wish I had someone on my side!!! You're awesome. The end!;-)

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL on August 10, 2009 at 2:40 PM said...

Oops! Thought I was 'caught up' on your blog...just realized I left a lengthy comment on page 2 of your posts, and had missed the whole recent page!

To catch up...

--CONGRATS on the approval of your grant and on your official acceptance into your nursing program---how awesome!

--Kudos on passing your admission's test...(I suck at math too!)

--Loved your summer vacation pictures...gotta love orange overalls.

--Your Aunt Beck post cracked me up! You're a riot!

I think I'm up to date now...

--Sorry your MIL doesn't agree with your parenting style and is trying to nudge DH to do things her way. FRUSTRATING!

:)

Deathstar on August 10, 2009 at 6:27 PM said...

No,some people won't ever get it, don't worry about your MIL, let hubby deal with her. She's just worried about how you'll make it.

Parenthood For Me on August 11, 2009 at 4:12 AM said...

How frustrating it must be to have someone interfere with your very important and well thought out decisions. All you can do is ignore. You know what's best for you. Congrats on the exam.

Tiffanie on August 11, 2009 at 8:01 AM said...

uggghhh, naggy MIL's. i've got one too. i'm sure she'll be a treat when the baby is born. let her tell me how to do something just one time......it won't be pretty.

Carrie on August 11, 2009 at 10:44 AM said...

I agree that your attitude as a parent is great! Very responsible... but as you said, some never will get it. And those are the most frustrating.

JennyMac on August 11, 2009 at 12:58 PM said...

Sorry you have a little bit of busybody going on with MIL. In our family, I handle my Mom, and he handles his. LOL. In reality, I end up handling them both.

alicia on August 12, 2009 at 1:10 PM said...

grrr! I am frustrated for you! they are YOUR kids, you get to decide how to raise them! She should not be disrespecting you that way, drives me crazy!!!

daega99 on August 13, 2009 at 2:51 AM said...

((((HUGS)))

I've given you an award - come by my blog and take a look!

Busted Tube on August 13, 2009 at 9:23 AM said...

You've been awarded a 'One Lovely Blog Award', details on my blog!

Flying Monkeys on August 17, 2009 at 9:22 PM said...

My MIL would cut out job postings and class schedules for me. AND my husband's grandma cuts out diet plans, suggestions and low fat recipes for me. I'm well loved. Pffft! I keep reminding myself I will be a MIL one day too, I'm taking notes and trying to be kind since I hope my DIL will be kind to me. Some days I'm successful and some days not so much.

Post a Comment

 

Life induces thoughts, Copyright © 2010 Designed by Ipietoon Blogger Template Sponsored by Online Shop Vector by Artshare - Blogger Template