A Day FIlled With Emotions

Today was a very productive day. The children got new beds and we moved everything out, cleaned under beds (GROSS!), cleaned out closets, got rid of old clothing and FINALLY put the new beds in and their room looks AMAZING! I'm so happy with it. Nae is happy that she has her own space and Zilla is just ecstatic because his bed is higher then it was before.

After that was done, apparently it was time to do the rest of the house? Not quite sure where that idea came from, but it got done. The front room was dusted, organized and rearranged. Our room was cleaned up and Peaches' corner was put in order. We were even able to use an old small dresser for her clothing. And it fits in the closet, so it's all nice and neat. Which, sadly this excited me. I even cleaned the kitchen! I haven't moped yet, but it was swept and the counters were cleaned AND all the dishes are put away. WHEW!

In the midst of all of this, Peaches found out that her daughter disobeyed her punishment and went on the Internet a few days ago. She called her ex husband to make sure he knew about it, which he didn't and to see if she had been taken off restriction, which she wasn't. She was frustrated and didn't know what to do. We kind of got into a heated discussion about it. I'm pretty sure I came across as a bitch. Even though I didn't mean too, I haven't apologized for it, nor do I feel bad about it.

Peaches doesn't know what to do about Niece. She doesn't know how to make her see the path that she is going down. My suggestion was that she goes over to her ex husband's house while he is at work and take Niece somewhere. Not stay at his house all day long, that wold be weird, but there are OTHER things to do with a 13 year old then sit on the couch at your ex husband's house. I also suggested she take her to the park that is right there. They live right in the middle of town, so there are MANY things to do that don't cost money. Or very little money. They could get an ice cream at McDonalds. They could go to Goodwill and look around. There are plenty of schools and parks right there, many things for the two of them to do. Hell there are many things Peaches and her children could do! (she has three) She didn't think any of my ideas were good ideas. She had an excuse for every one! She doesn't have a driver's license, so she would have to get a ride. She gets a ride every where she goes! How is this different?! Her ex husband just moved in wiht his girlfriend and going over to her house would be weird, too. Yes, I agree. But you don't have to stay there! Nope, no go! See? I'm getting all frustrated and bitchy again! This is exactly how our conversation went. I told her Niece needed SOMETHING! She said she'd give that to her in 3 months when she gets her apartment. "OMG it'll be too late by then!" her reply was, "3 months? You think it's going to be too late in three months?!" "PEACHES! Look what has happened in the LAST month!" Then we got interrupted and then she left. She didn't leave because we had our argument, she had already made plans to go to a BBQ *sigh*

After she left, I talked to Dirty and Roomie about it. I am so upset about this. And the worst part is that there is nothing I can do! Niece isn't my kid, I'm not her parent. So, my hands are tied, again! I love Peaches' kids like they are my own. I've known them all their lives. I've spent the last 4 years IN their lives. I was their mom, when theirs moved to a different state. I was their father when he was at work. I WAS their parent. I put a lot of my energy, emotionally and physically into raising them for over a year. And now? Now Niece is going to be a crack head stripper. And there is nothing I can do! All I can do is sit back and watch.

The worst part is that Niece has more potential then just about any other 13 year that I know. She is beautiful. She has this natural beauty that rivals anything a plastic surgeon can do. She has these amazing blue eyes that are so bright and mysterious. She has a NICE body, due to amazing genes. But mostly she is a smart kid! She can pull her grades from an F to an A+ and be on the honor roll without even thinking about it. Everything comes so easily to her, it's sickening, but I can SEE what she COULD do with her life. Instead, I'm seeing what she WON'T do with her life.

When I was talking to Dirty about it, I started crying. I kept saying "If this was Nae and we were divorced and I wasn't in her life as much as I should be, you wouldn't let this happen! I love those kids like they are ours. I can't believe nobody is doing anything!" He said "Hon, they are not our kids. She isn't our child. We can't DO anything. They will see their mistakes someday, but in the mean time, we need and can't do anything."

I know he's right, I really do, but FUCK! It is not easy! This whole situation can be fixed! It's not to late! I can see the answers, why can't they?! What they hell are they going to do when Niece is doing drugs in a year or is having unprotected sex because nobody taught her any better? For the love of God, she's just a baby!

To top this day off, Zilla spilled a glass of water on Nae's baby book and we had to do a quick recovery of all things baby related. Not only did that suck because there will be no more babies coming into our family, but there were cards and letterers in there from my mom. I had to take everything out and make sure everything was dry and so I HAD to read or at least glance at every card. I saw my mom's handwriting and had to close my eyes and take a deep breath.

Damn this sucks! This day was a productive day, but yet, so emotional. And there is NO wine in the house! AHHHHH! Guess I'll have to take a bath, instead. Which is probably a better idea, anyway....