Mar 31, 2010


Musings of A Beautiful Mess
Usually I love to be controversial, more for the shock value than anything else. When it's something important, however, I am very respectful. I believe that everybody has their own beliefs and they are MORE than entitled to live with lives by them. We can even talk about them, as long as you don't expect me to accept your beliefs as my own. Because if I disagree with them, that ain't gonna happen! I won't judge you and I expect the same from you. That being said, I need to go off about religion, faith, and how ones chooses to live their life.

I grew up Catholic, went to catholic school, church a few times a week and had a very good relationship with God. I listened to everything everyone said, read my bible, and lived my life according to what they all said. Granted I was a kid and messed up some, but on the whole I was a good child. My junior year in high school a friend of mine killed himself. He was a very confused young man (obviously) and made a bad decision. We were all dumb high school kids and the thought of one of our friends killing themselves in our itty bitty school was so off our radar, we didn't even see any of the classic signs. Of course after he died, we saw all the signs, but there is nothing we can do about that now. Anyway, growing up in the Catholic church, I was taught that if you killed yourself, you go to hell. Plain and simple. Sometime between the call that Adam was dead and his funeral, I questioned EVERYTHING! I asked my parents "why was Adam going to hell because he was a confused CHILD?!" It made no sense to me at all. It was at that point that my relationship with religion changed. I still believe in God and I still have faith, but TO ME it means something different than it did when I went to church every week.

My God doesn't sit up in Heaven pointing fingers at bad people or trailer parks so the tornado knows where to hit. I don't believe that MY God has his/her own will. It actually makes me VERY angry when people says "oh it was God's will" really? Was it? How do YOU know? But that's besides the point and a little disrespectful. I also don't believe that MY God doesn't judge me for what I do. Within reason, of course. If I had an open marriage and screwed everything that looked at me, well that's MY business and my husband's business. If I choose to love women, once again..MY choice. If I choose to get a divorce because I'm unhappy in my marriage..MY choice. If I choose to go out with my girlfriends while my husband stays home, it's just fine! If I even get drunk *GASP* while I'm out with the girls, that's OK too!

All of this is being brought to the surface because a friend of mine is going through some MAJOR life changes. The part that is REALLY pissing me off is that people who are "good Christians" (their words, not mine) are saying they will not support her decision to leave her husband because that's not how it should work. They won't even support her because it's not "the right choice". He doesn't beat her, he doesn't sit on the couch all day long and drink beer, he doesn't yell at her, he treats the children well, he's a great guy. He just isn't the right guy for HER. People are telling her that she needs to try harder and make it work, but what if she has? What if she's tried for 10 years to "make it work"? Why is SHE the one who has to make it work? Why is it HER responsibility to make it work? Never once have I heard anyone say "he should've have had more faith in God and Jesus". All the fingers are being pointed at her and all the blaming is being put on her shoulders. She's the "bad one" because she was unhappy and chose to leave her marriage. How are these people being "good Christians"?

From growing up in a very strict religion, I learned not to judge people. Or maybe it was my parents who taught me that. What I do know is that faith and religion are not about being better then others. Their choices might be different then the ones I may have made, but that doesn't make them wrong.

NOBODY was/is in her marriage but her and her husband. Those two are the ONLY ones who know what went on behind closed doors. So the people that are saying that she shouldn't have friends supporting her decision to leave her husband, need to really shut the hell up. If I want to get really dirty, I could say that being THAT judgmental and down right MEAN is very un-Christian and maybe they need to take a good look in the mirror. I can think all of this, but once again, they believe what they believe and I won't be able to change their minds. I do think the ones that are saying mean and hurtful things should shut the hell up. Preaching that God will hold you closer if you would just not leave your husband and be a good wife, is doing NO good at all. Nobody is saying you have to agree with her decision, but how about a little compassion? Is that too much to ask for? If you can't find anything nice to say, either don't say anything or just support her. This is a tough time for all involved, don't make it worse.

OK I think I'm done with my rant. I am not trying to offend anyone, I truly apologize if I did, but if you disagree with what I've said, feel free to let me know. I would love to have a discussion on this topic. I would love to understand the other side, I really would because right now, I don't.

6 friends have commented:

Marie on March 31, 2010 at 11:40 AM said...

I can identify with your friend and didn't have someone like you standing up for me so GOOD FOR YOU.

One good friend LIKE YOU, will make all the judgements just a little less painful.

Stand up for her.

Be her friend.

She will need you for a long time even when it seems as she is most happiest, she is probably hurting like hell. If you are the one that leaves, sometimes you feel like you can't be unhappy and complain because this IS what you wanted right? Keep being there for her.

Kristin on March 31, 2010 at 1:58 PM said...

Those "good Christians" seem to be forgetting the time God said "Judge not lest ye be judged." I really believe what you do with your life is between you and God...not his followers here on earth.

I'm glad your friend has you in her corner.

Quiet Dreams on March 31, 2010 at 6:01 PM said...

What a horrible experience to go through in high school. I think that people often say things like something is "God's will" or set up a harsh system of judgment because it makes it easier for them to make sense of the world (and, hey, we're all trying to make sense of the world, no?). Problem is, it can be hurtful and harmful. Spirituality and religion can be very complex and black and white answers don't always work for many of us.

And, ditto to the above comments, your friend is lucky to have such a mama-bear friend as you on her side.

My name is Andy. on April 1, 2010 at 5:31 PM said...

excellent rant and very well said!

I wish you friend all the best and may she find happiness!

Amaprincess on April 2, 2010 at 1:49 PM said...

Religion is what you make of it. I am Catholic also. I have the same solid beliefs as all Catholics, however, I accept that God loves everyone and I formulate my own opinion on things and I state my own words. Until there is someone that can confirm the "correct" way to believe in each his own~!

Alana on April 2, 2010 at 3:16 PM said...

Finally catching up...

--Sorry that Hank's wife is no longer allowing him to be friends with you. Your relationship with Dirty sounds SO solid. I love that you talk about everything. Many of my friends don't "get it" when I say DH is my best friend...I couldn't imagine it any other way.

--WOO HOO for end of another term at school and all A's. ROCKSTAR!

--Glad your hand is mostly healed and isn't giving you pain anymore.

--Cracked up at your St. Patrick's Day bar conversations.

--Woot Woot for your new house. How awesome!

--Lastly, I relate to your rant...I was raised Catholic and now have my own Christian, but not Catholic beliefs.


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