Jul 4, 2008

You made your bed....

Musings of A Beautiful Mess

My best friends..I love them. I truly do. Rose and I have been best friends for almost 11 years. Sarah and I have been best friends for about 2 years. As best friends, we come to each other for advice, guidance, support, to talk, or just to hang out. Me being the one who is more level headed, they come to me more often then I come to them. Of, course there are times when I do go to them, but that's not as important as the lesson they both have been learning as of late.

Rose moved out to live with her boyfriend. She quit her job, packed her things and moved 3 hours away to Tacoma. The first week was blissful and everything it was suppose to be AND more. The second week...well I knew something was up. She called me to talk and I basically told her to pull her head out of her ass and calm down. "You're the one who decided to move there. You haven't even given it a month and your already thinking it was a mistake". I didn't sugar coat it like I normally do. I was blunt. She is the one who decided to do this. She is the one who left her children, her friends, her family and everything she knew to give him her all. She needs to do just that. She can't bolt at the slightest argument between the two. She can't walk out the door or give him the silent treatment because her ego took a nose dive. "You either give him ALL of you. The good AND the bad. Or you come back. Those are your only two choices. " Things seem to be a little smoother. Her kids were up there all week, so I'm not sure how that went. I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it, but as far as I can tell, all is going well. I hope she is able to let go of her past demons and be with this man. He is a good man and I can tell he loves her and wants to open his home, heart and his life to accommodate her and her children. There aren't a lot of men out there who would be willing to do that. Not just because of the children, because of ALL of it. I hope she realizes she has not made a mistake and can open her heart to him. She mad her bed she not only has to lie in it, she also has to share it with someone else, and trust him. Not easy for a lot of people, I can imagine.

My other best friend, Sarah has made some mistakes in the past 6 months or so and is paying dearly for them at this moment. It's sad to watch her go through this, it's even more sad because I don't think she knows why. I didn't say anything to her because I'm not sure if I am correct and if I am, I don't think it's my place. It might be one of those life lessons you need to learn on your own. She might take it badly if I say whats going on to her instead of her finding out on her own.

She got a job months ago and became involved with her boss, romantically. I didn't think this was a good idea because this person was her boss and that can only lead to problems..and it did. I told her as much, but she did her own thing. Which is fine. Her life her choice. When things started to go badly between the two of them, Sarah thought spending ALL of her time with this person would fix the problems. She stopped hanging out with her family and her firnds and spent every moment with this person. When her friends and family would say something, Sarah would realize what she was doing and start hanging out with everyone else again. Then her other friend would get upset and jealous and start saying unkind things about everyone. I am not sure what was said about anyone else specifically, but I know for a fact this person did and does not like me at all. This person doesn't like the closeness that Sarah and I share as friends.

A few times Sarah went days without talking to me because of this person. She was SO wrapped up in this person that nothing else mattered. Even her best friends. This is one of the reasons Rose and Sarah drifted apart. It isn't all Sarah's fault that the two of them drifted apart, there were actions on both sides that can't be mended. They are friends, just not as close as they use to be, but that happens.

Now, a few months later, Sarah and this person arent' as close as they once were. Unfortantly this person still has some kind of power over Sarah and she sometimes gets too wrapped up in her. Not as bad as it once was, but it still happens. All of Sarah's family and friends know this. We all know that as soon as this person calls, Sarah will take the call and not talk to whomever she is with for at least an hour. We also know that if Sarah doesn't answer her phone, she is with this person. The damage has been done, it;s really too bad, but it's true. Sarah made her bed and now she has to lie in it. A lot of her friends don't want to hang out with her anymore because we all got use to not having Sarah around and we're a bit weary that it'll all go back to what it was before. I shouldn't speak for everyone else, so I'll just say that I am weary. I want to hang out with Sarah as much as we did before, but that isn't possible because of her past actions.

Today for instance, she came over for a little bit all sad because she didn't have anyone to hang out with. Her friend is out of town and everyone else had plans. On one hand I feel bad for her, but ont he otherI don't. She did this to herself. She excluded herself from everyone to hang out with her friend. Now that her friend isn't around, she wants to make time for us. Thats not very cool.

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