Jul 1, 2008

Why is being a woman so damn complicated?!

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
When we are little we watch our mothers or the "mother figures" in our lives. We watch them put on make up, get dressed, all of it. We look up to them. We want to be like them. I remember watching my mom putting Oil of Olay on her face and going into the bathroom and putting soap on my face and walking up to her saying "look I'm doing what your are". Only I wasn't...it was soap, not lotion. She helped me wash it off and put some of HER lotion on my face. I smelled like my mom! It was GREAT! I felt like such a big kid. Pretty sure I was strutting around the house like a hot shot with moisturizer on my face that nobody could see, but I MADE them look anyhow. Then, when I became a "woman" she showed me how to use a pad and how to clean myself proplerly during that time of the month. It was all fairly easy. As easy as that time of the month could possible be! I never had terrible cramps, or any of the horror stories we ALL hear about. Up until I had my children! It ALL went down hill from there.

I had my daughter at a young age and it wasn't fun. I don't do pregnancies well. My body doesn't like it. I was sick at all hours of the day, I went into pre-term labor many times, I spent days in the hospital trying to get the contractions under control, blah blah blah. It wasn't a lot of fun. Same with my son. No fun..no more babies for me and I am OK with that!

Well now that I am done with that part of my womanhood, my monthly curse is just that, a horrible, terrible curse! Full of pms rages, tantrums, feelings of unfairness, anger at dealing with it every month, sick of the pain, sick of feeling ugly, fat, just plain sick of it!

June I had my *I will be nice here and use nice words, even though I do not feel like it* monthly visitor. It went like it has gone for years. The cramps, the back ache, the tiredness, the ugly feeling, and yes, the bleeding. It wasn't anything to think twice about. Other then to hate every day of it! It was a bit short, but hey who would complain about THAT? Not I, that's for sure. I thought it was a bit odd, but hey, maybe I was getting a break. HA, yeah right!

2 weeks later, I do it again. WHAT?! No fair! I already did this one time this month. I shouldn't have to do it AGAIN. I already came to terms with it one time a month, not 2 times. I grumble a bit about it, but I just think things are fouled up because Rose is no longer living with us. My hormones are adjusting to not living with another woman. No big deal, right? WRONG! Well maybe not wrong per se, but not all together correct, either.

After OVER a week, yes a full week. I check online for some answers. I got some. Some of the answers were informational, others scared the shit out of me! The majority of the things I read sounded about right. My hormones are all confused and didn't get "the job" done right the first time. I still don't see how I am being punished for this "mishap", but I digress. Bitching about it won't change it, so I'll just go with the flow *BAD pun FULLY intended* So I decide to wait it out and see what happens. Day 10, yes 10 days of this, I decide to talk to someone about it. I talk to the one person who usually talks me off the ledge and tells me to calm down and not freak out. She didn't do that this time. She told me to go to the doc. "Hey now, missy! You are not suppose to be me in this situation, you're suppose to be YOU. What's with this wisdom that your spewing? I don't love it so stop it right this minute!" Well she didn't. She just kept on being logical and wisdom-y. Stupid woman. I will admit she did give me a few good tid bits of advice. Which is rare for her, but she did it. So I take her advice and talk to Matt. He isn't dumb, he knows I have been on my period for, what feels like, the last eleventy billion days, but he doesn't know what I'm worried about. He doesn't know that I've been thinking "CANCER" for the past few days. So I tell him I'm going to go to the doc in a few days if this keeps up. He, of ALL people, talks me off the ledge. He tells me to calm down, and if there's no pain or abnormal amount of blood, then calm the hell down! Ok, I will. SO that's what I'm doing. I am going to calm the hell down and if it gets worse or anything abnormal happens, THAT'S when I will stress out about it and run to the doc screaming "CANCER"!!!!!

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