Confessions..EEK

Why is the shower my "thinking place"? Is this normal, or am I just weird?

Before I took my shower today, I was texting Matt and he mentioned something about getting married. Here is where my confessions come into play. He said he wants to make it "real" in October or so. I'll give you a bit of the history of him and I...

I was working at Fred Meyer. I was about 16 or 17, the summer before my senior year. He had a girlfriend and I was enjoying being single after a 2 year relationship that wasn't good on a teenage girl. He says he walked into the back and saw me counting bottles *back int he day before we had those fancy machines* and did a double take. Apparently, he asked around about me and found out I didn't have a boyfriend. Him and his girlfriend were at the end of their relationship and then ended up breaking up. He asked me out and we went to see Jurassic Park. It was a nice date. He didn't try to do anything my dad night try to kill him for. From there on, we were always hanging out. He'd come to my house or I'd go to his. We'd meet up with friends and go to coffee at Shari's or go bowling. It was a lot of fun. Before he met me, he signed up for the Navy and was due to leave in July. We "officially" started "going out June 28th. We spent a lot of time together, getting to know each other and all the other things you do with a new boyfriend *blushes*. We never questioned whether we would stay together when he left, it was an unspoken thing. We knew it was going to be hard, but we wanted to make it work. Little did we know it was going to be A LOT harder then just "hard". He left a month to the date we started dating. I remember taking him to the airport and crying, bawling my eyes out. My parents didn't think it was right for me to be "tied" down at such an early age, but I was a teenager and I knew everything :-|

We wrote letters to each other, he came to visit and I went to visit him when he was in San Diego. it was very romantic. I believe that if we hadn't gotten those 2 years to get to know each other through letters and phone calls, we wouldn't be where we are today.

When I started my senior year, I never felt like I was missing out on anything. I wasn't able to go to a few dances and I missed my prom, but I had been to plenty already. My ex-boyfriend was 2 years older then me and I went to both of his proms and I was also able to go to my junior year prom and another that year. I wasn't missing out on anything, TRUST ME.

He proposed to me in November and we'd only been dating a few months. I said yes and my parents said no. They thought it was too early and I was too young. I can't say I wouldn't do the same, if my daughter was a senior and her boyfriend proposed to her. They were just looking out for their little girl. We didn't get into a huge fight or anything. They game me their opinions and I gave them mine. it wasn't like we were going to get married right then and there. I was still in school. Once I graduated, I wanted more. I wanted more of him and more of us. I decided to move to California and live with him and his roommate. My parents allowed me to make the decision and there were no hard feelings about me moving to California.

There I was in the airport, looking toward my future with my man in a different state. On an airplane all by myself..EEK. I get there and everything was great. We got a kitten and every morning he would go to work. He'd come home and we would have dinner or watch T.V. or something boring like that. He got notice that he was going to have to leave the country for 6 months and it wouldn't be wise for me to stay. So I went home and started over, at home, alone. Thankfully my family is amazing and they made the transition great!

Once he got home, we talked about actually getting married because we never did it while he was in the Navy. We talked about where, when, and all that stuff. the only problem that came up were our religion differences. I was raised a Catholic and he wasn't. I went to Catholic school and it was important to me to be married in my church. He didn't want to get married in that church and stand up in front of all of our friends and family and God, saying things he may not believe in. He is atheist. We've had many many discussions on this topic. We've decided to agree to disagree. I believe in what I believe in and he believes in what he believes in. Neither of us are wrong, we just have different views on the subject. I know that religion is a big deal breaker for most couples. but not us, we just don't talk about this topic often.

As the years went on, we just never got around to "sealing the deal". I had a wedding dress, it was beautiful, but then I got pregnant with Nae and there was NO way I was going to ever fit into that thing again. I was MAYBE 100 pounds when I bought it. I did not want to drive myself crazy trying to fit into it again and get depressed or slip back into old habits of not eating because I thought I was fat. It was the right decision to sell it. I don't regret it.

We always say we're married because it's easier then having to explain that we aren't and then in turn answer the questions and feel like I have to defend my decision. It was important to us, but it wasn't THAT important to us. We knew we loved each other and we were and are happy and that's all that matters.

Now, however, he's mentioned something about not being married 2 times in 2 weeks. I said something to him about it today and he said he wanted to get married after he got his severance check. I was SO excited. I didn't realize until then, that I wanted to get married as bad as I did. Maybe it just got consumed with other things. Like jobs, children, health, and family. Now, I am very excited to get married and call this man my husband and know it's real. It isn't going to be a common law marriage, it'll be the real thing. YAY