Dec 28, 2008


Musings of A Beautiful Mess
The night started off innocently enough. My roommate *Fluffy* got off work, wanted to have a few beers and bought me a bottle of my favorite wine so I'd be more willing to drink with her and have a fun time. We invited a friend *Eric* of ours over, with him he bought MORE wine. In total, we had a 12 pack of Coors Light for my roommate and a few bottles of wine for Eric and myself.

We opened a bottle of red, sat it on the table and all started talking. Before we knew it, we had finished THAT bottle of wine PLUS half of another..oops. My plan was to have a few glasses of wine and go to bed around midnight. I failed miserably at this, by the way.

The three of us were sitting at the kitchen table talking about all kinds of stuff. We eventually got on the topic of marriage and children. My roommate is gay. She isn't quite sure if she is, hasn't really admitted it to anybody but 3 people, but she is. Our other friend that was with us, he's just turned 30 and doesn't have a steady girlfriend. We're trying to tell my roommate that she needs to be happy with herself before she can find her "one". Eric, is completely OK with who he is and where he is in life. He looks at his life as complete and adding a woman to it would be amazing, but it isn't what he needs to make himself happy. I value him for this PLUS so much more. I love this man so much. He is so smart, witty, fun and always has great advice. We're trying to tell my roommate that whatever her fantasy life is, she needs to be happy with what she has right now. Yes, by all means continue to look for that special someone who will make you happy, but also live in the present. Stop living in the future you don't have. Of course, we said it a lot nicer than I just typed it. My roommate is a very sensitive person and gets her feelings hurt very easily, so we chose our words very carefully. She was talking to us and we didn't want her to feel like we didn't care, because we do! A lot!

As she was drinking her beer she starts talking about her sister who is going to have a baby. They've been preparing for this baby since Sister found out she was pregnant. They had the crib up, the bedding all put IN the crib, the stroller, ALL of it was complete. I was horrified. Noway, no how! I mentioned how we didn't get Zilla a crib until he was 6 months old and that was a Christmas gift! We got a cradle from my parents for Nae when I was pregnant with her, but other then that, we didn't really get anything for Zilla until we had to. So to have the baby's room all set up was astonishing to me. Oh to be that innocent again.

She asked me if I got pregnant again, would I do things differently. I said "hell no! I wouldn't even tell anyone I was pregnant until I was 6 months if I could help it." Her response was "even me?" Her feelings were hurt. Not only is she my roommate but she is my best friend, as well. I tried to explain all the things we went through with Nae and then the miscarriages and then the years it took us to get pregnant with Zilla. I've mentioned all of this to her before, but I don't think she thought I wasn't serious? I'm not sure what she thought when I've told her how having children and being pregnant doesn't agree with me. I don't get that "pregnancy glow". I barley make it to term, and there's usually some kind of trauma involving weeks of hospital stay, crying into the couch for hours and bed rest.

She knows I go crazy when I'm pregnant and I get all emotional and I'm very overprotective of my children, but I don't think she can grasp what happens when I get pregnant and stay pregnant. She's never seen me pregnant. We met a few years after Husband and I had Zilla and I had my tubes tied. She asked me the question I hate being asked. She asked "If things were different, would you have more children?" That's a loaded question and one I don't know how to answer. I can't imagine a pregnancy without all the tears. I can't imagine a pregnancy without a death plan as well as a birth plan. I can't imagine a pregnancy where I wasn't hospitalized for preterm labor. I can't imagine a pregnancy where all goes as planned. So, my answer was "I have no idea. I can't answer that as I have no idea what is would be like to have things be different. The 4 times I've been pregnant, they turned out less then normal".

After that heavy conversation that I don't like to talk about sober, much less drunk, we got on different subjects. More light hearted topics. We talked about politics, how amazing our friends are and how much we miss Minnow. We talked about the basketball game, normal stuff. By then end of the night/morning, it was almost time to get the children off to school. OH SHIT! It was 6am and I hadn't gotten to bed yet and I was pretty drunk..OOPS Eric, stopped drinking awhile ago and went home. Fluffy had already gone to bed. I laid on the couch until my alarm went off. Woke up Husband and went to bed. He got the kids off to school just fine and I woke up at noon with a massive hangover.

That was my first time pulling an all-nighter and I can tell you right now, it will be my last. It was not worth it! I'm sure I'll eat my words someday, but as of right thank you. It was a good time, I had a nice time talking and laughing with my friends in my house, but I doubt I will be doing that again. And that was 2 months ago!

I told both of them "if it was possible for me to get pregnant and have that "surprise baby" you all wouldn't know until I had no choice but to tell you". Eric understood my need for privacy, but Fluffy

2 friends have commented:

Tiffanie on December 30, 2008 at 1:23 PM said...

wow, party animal:)

ps - i liked the "stop living in a future that you don't have." fair warning: i may steal that:)

Aunt Becky on December 31, 2008 at 2:38 PM said...


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