Jun 3, 2009

I Might Regret this In The Morning....

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
My dad. I love that man! He has done SO much for my older sister, (who isn't his BIOLOGICAL child, but was treated like she was) my younger sister, and myself. It seems like right now, when he can't do many things for himself due to being BLIND and UNABLE to drive, is when my little sis decides she can't take care of herself. Oh I'm SUPER pissed off right now!

When my mom and dad met, my mom was in an abusive marriage and my dad helped her out and they were married. When she was married to Jerk Face they had 4 kids. One from Jerk Face's previous relationship, but my mom took care of her. No big deal. They went on to have a girl, a boy, and another girl. All of whom live in California and are EXTREMELY fucked up. Drugs, jail, children having children, THOSE children doing drugs, it's a mess. I'm thankful I don't see them a lot. And frankly, I'm really glad they all live in California and don't come this way.

So my dad took in my mom's children and then they had two of their own (my lil sis and myself). My lil sis and I were very spoiled. Not by material things, but we were loved and treated well. The other children didn't like this because they thought they were being treated differently. If they were, it was because they were A LOT older then my lil sis and I.

When my dad lost his eyesight due to his diabetes about 10 years or so, ago it was hard for the family. It was hard for him, as well. He had to quit his job, that he LOVED and go on disability and my mom went to work. I can only imagine my dad having a lot of guilt over all of this because this was the beginning of the end of my mom's life. She was working in a nursing home and that's where she contracted Legionnaire's Disease and had her first strokes. If she hadn't of had those strokes her immune system might not have been compromised and she might have been able to fight off the cancer that ended up taking her life. Obviously, we'll never know.

When my mom had her first strokes, Husband and I started looking for a house big enough to have them live with us. I was going to quit my job and take care of my parents full time. We talked to them about it and they said no because my lil sis and her boyfriend at the time needed to move in with them and they promised them they could. I was PISSED off! I knew my sister was working full time and her boyfriend at the time wasn't going to help my parents around the house and if/when he got a job, their kids would be life with my parents. One of whom was BLIND and the other in a God damn wheelchair! It would be comical if it wasn't true. But it was true, so it wasn't funny. I begged my parents to reconsider, but they felt that they couldn't. My lil sis and her boyfriend at the time and their two kids moved in with my parents. it ended up not being as horrible as I imagined it, but it wasn't perfect either. I felt they weren't taking care of our parents and our parents were taking care of them. I pitched many fits, but never got my way. We visited as much as we could, but they lived in Washington State at the time and we were in Oregon. It just wasn't enough. I spent weekends up there cooking and cleaning for them and doing what I felt was needed. All the while throwing an internal hissy fit because this isn't the way it was suppose to go.

When my mom died, my older sis got SO upset that she had to move to Cali to be with her dad and her sisters and brother. I was glad to see her go, so she wouldn't be stealing from my dad anymore and my dad wouldn't have to worry about her not coming home at night or if she was dead. The my lil sis, her boyfriend at the time, and their kids moved to Sisters. My dad was all alone up in Washington. Once again, I BEGGED him to move in with us. Once again, we looked at houses. We looked at a great house to buy right after my mom died and lil sis moved, and were THISCLOSE to going through with it. It wasn't perfect, but it was doable. We approached my dad and he said no because he was moving to Sisters in case lil sis needed help. WHAT?! She is a grown woman, if she needs someone to watch her kids, LET HER PAY FOR IT! He didn't listen (stubborn much) and moved to Sisters *sigh*

It has been one drama after another since he's moved there. Lil sis left her boyfriend and met another one. He was a great guy in the beginning, but now he's a total asshole. He barley goes to work and does NOTHING for my dad when is asked. For example; my dad asked him to help him move a fridge from the place he got it to his house. Like 2 blocks away. Asshole said "yeah I'll be there in a few hours". He never showed up :-| He put my dad on his cell phone plan, asshole didn't pay the bill and my dad was left without a phone for MONTHS!

Today, my dad had to go to Portland for an appointment and he got the day wrong. The appointment is next week. That sucks, but what can ya do? So he goes back home, a 3 hour bus ride, calls lil sis to have someone pick him up in Bend (30 minutes away from Sisters) nobody could do it! Asshole couldn't be bothered to drive the 30 minutes. Old boyfriend's parents couldn't watch the kids so lil sis could do it because "other people have lives, ya know" so he had to wait in Bend, in the heat for lil sis to get there. Then he was told that old boyfriend got his mail and his insulin was in there but forgot to give it to my dad and it wasn't refrigerated. After being told many times to NOT pick up my dad's mail because of the medication! Old boyfriend got all pissy and told lil sis he didn't see what the big deal was. REALLY?! You don't see what the big deal is?! Yes, it's not THAT big of a deal that my dad DOESN'T get his medication and he goes into a diabetic coma! For the love of God and everything that is holy! The man needs his God damn medicine!

Clearly I'm furious and I just want to kidnap my dad and make him live here with me. Live here where I can cook for him, do his laundry, make sure he gets to his doctor's appointments on the RIGHT day, doesn't have to worry about waking up at 4am to get to the bus stop on time, and just be taken care of. He is a widow, he doesn't need to take care of my lil sis, her old boyfriend, her current one and HER KIDS. It's not his problem, it should be HERS! He should be living the rest of his life without the stress of raising his GROWN daughter.

I don't know all sides of everything because I NEVER talk to old and current boyfriend and I don't talk to my lil sis about this. I'm afraid if I did talk to her, I would go OFF on her and it would ruin our relationship. All I can do is plead with my dad to move or vent to all of you and my husband.

UHG I'm so upset! Damn stubborn old man! I love him to death, but I just wish he would live with me *SIIIIGH*

17 friends have commented:

GeekByMarriage on June 3, 2009 at 10:02 PM said...

A kidnapping is very doable. I'll come help. I agree this situation is total crap and he needs to be where HE will be the one getting taken care of. Not watching kids brats! WTF?!

Liv on June 3, 2009 at 10:13 PM said...

wtf is right. See, this is why I want to have more than two kids...for diversification sake. Better chances to have good kids like you to take care of me in our old age. :o)

Boy howdy, would I like to take a few of these family members by the scruff of the neck and give 'em a piece of my mind.

There's nothing to do it sounds like you've done everything you can. I'm so sorry.

Mugsy on June 3, 2009 at 10:17 PM said...

Um. I don't know how to tell you this, but I think I've lived through this. Okay, not the multiple siblings and drugs and stealing part...but...my Dad had diabetes. My parents fixed up my grandma's Rambler to move into because of my Dad's impending leg amputation. Instead my brother moved into the house with his brood because he couldn't pay his bills and stayed for over 5 years. Moved out when the housing market was in the tank screwing our Mom with 2 houses.

It's weird, is it not?

And...having been in somewhat similar family spots, Liv is right. You've done everything you can.

Breathe In. Breathe Out. Drink Wine. Let it Go.

Kristin on June 4, 2009 at 4:46 AM said...

Damn...that is seriously f'd up! This is one of those situations where you would give anything to be able to fix it and there isn't one damned thing you can do. {{{Hugs}}}

WiseGuy on June 4, 2009 at 4:51 AM said...

Sheesh, I never grasped that so much was wrong....

I really can't believe how fucked up family trees can be...OMG! Your father does not deserve to be treated the way he is being treated....I think you should hyponotize him and bring him to your home...

I can't believe how insensitive you other sis and her BF from hell are....

Ugh!

Kristina on June 4, 2009 at 5:23 AM said...

Oh my...this is so sad. I'm sorry you have to deal with watching your dad struggle. I would say keep bugging him...one day, he'll have had enough. He deserves to be well taken care of!

SS on June 4, 2009 at 6:45 AM said...

Wow. What a terrible situation. I am always amazed at what a wonderful person you are and how much you want to take care of everyone. There should be more of you in the world! My mom is like you. I know it must be so hard not to be able to do this for your Dad. I wish wish wish he would listen to you and move down to you. It's hard sometimes to understand why people do the things they do, isn't it?

natalie on June 4, 2009 at 7:00 AM said...

Awww..your father sounds so genuine and sweet. I am so sorry you're going through this situation. Your father sounds like he wants to do his best to take care of his family, and unfortunately in turn, is not taking care of himself. I really hope you are able to change his mind soon, and he will live with you. What a wonderful daughter you are! :)

Jenn on June 4, 2009 at 9:29 AM said...

D,

That totally blows monkey balls!!
WTF is up with your sis?? Hello - how about a bit of accountability for taking care of your own damn self and your brood.

I agree about continuing to bug Dad about coming to be with you. He will at some point have enough!

Hang in there sweetie -

HUGS

Deathstar on June 4, 2009 at 9:42 AM said...

I finally convinced my mum to move here to be with me cause my older sister and husband never looked out for her. She had diabetes, had a number of car accidents, was on her own and frankly, if she had a stroke where she was, she would be dead. Parents can be old and crotchety and very, very stubborn, but they are not always thinking CLEARLY. (He didn't remember his appointment day correctly.) They want to be needed and not told what to do. I respect that. After all, he is the DAD. Yet all it takes it one health crisis to throw life into chaos. I strongly urge you to have your dad come and stay with you for an extended period of time. Suggest a vacation. That YOU need him.

That's my 2 cents but I'm biased. Follow your instinct.

becomingwhole on June 4, 2009 at 2:56 PM said...

I am so, so sorry.

I hope you get to take care of your dad. I don't know how you can convince him, if he is not yet convinced...maybe Deathstar had some good points, perhaps he needs to feel needed by you. I'm so sorry.

JamieD on June 5, 2009 at 9:18 AM said...

It is so hard for parents to quit being 'the parent' and let themselves be taken care of.

I agree - kidnapping is very doable. Let me know what the plan is because I'm in. Besides, I've always wanted to see the Pacific Northwest!

My name is Andy. on June 5, 2009 at 12:11 PM said...

ugh.. what a mess. It makes me glad to be an only child as I start down this path of elderly parents having medical issues. At least I won't have to fight with anyone!

kate on June 6, 2009 at 7:42 AM said...

Ugh. How incredibly frustrating for you. I am so sorry you have to deal with everyone elses mistreating your father, when you KNOW you could take good care of him yourself. That is just sucky, sucky, sucky!

I vote for kidnapping, myself. Just go there and do it for his own good.

Aunt Becky on June 6, 2009 at 10:33 AM said...

Dubya-Tee-Eff.

Ugh. I'm so mad.

Jaymee on June 6, 2009 at 7:48 PM said...

so there to help you kidnap him. sorry that you are having to go through this.

Morgan on June 7, 2009 at 8:52 AM said...

You are the one I lost on my blog roll!! YAY I found you! lol

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