Jun 26, 2009

My Life Has Been Turned Upside Down

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
I'm being a bit of a drama queen saying it like that, but right now, it's how I feel. It's nothing urgent and won't cause me any physical harm. It might cause me some emotional harm, but there's nothing new there. I'm an overly sensitive person at times, so I can deal.

BFF..whom I need a name for now because SHE IS LIVING WITH ME...how about we call her Peaches. Yes, Peaches sounds good. OK, so Peaches is now living with me *sigh*

She moved to Washington state last year, almost EXACTLY a year ago, to live with her boyfriend. They had been dating a year or do by then and decided to take the leap. It was a rough choice for her to make, it was a hard choice to ALLOW her to make, but I did it. I felt it wasn't the right choice, and I told her so, BUT I did tell her I would support her no matter what. And I did, still do. The day she left sucked, A LOT! We had cried our tears before and I was determined to be strong for her and everyone else involved. There was a lot of dramatics going on about her moving. People who were her friends, OUR friends were freaking out about her moving away. They were crying and carrying on like she was dying. I would roll my eyes and think "I have known her for 12 years and you don't see ME freaking out. Get yourself together!". I was a good girl and didn't say that to anyone, as much as I wanted too, but I kept my mouth shut. I cried when she left, but I sucked it up pretty good. It sucked for me, personally, my best friend was moving away, but it wasn't like I was NEVER going to see her again. I felt this was a huge move on her part, she was opening herself to a man and was making a HUGE leap to move to a different state. Not just physically, but emotionally too.

Things were great the first few weeks, but then reality set and they started fighting. She would call me and ask me what to do or what I would do. She actually listened to me and took my advice. The about 2 weeks ago, I couldn't give her anymore advice. I was out of it. Completely dry! Bitch (I say that in a loving way, btw) had taken my advice, ALL of it and left me with no choice but to say "you need to figure out what you're going to do and DO IT! We're here for you. Just make a decision, for the love of God, make a FREAKING decision!".

Well, she did. I texted her on Monday about something random and she didn't reply. I texted her again with some smart ass remark about her ignoring me and she told me her and Boyfriend had broken up and she was packing her stuff. I told her I was there for her and let me kn ow what she needed. I left it at that. Which, if you know me, is NOT an easy thing for me to do. I hover, I mother hen, I fix things, especially when you're hurt. I didn't try to call, I didn't call anyone else to go get her, I didn't try to call to text Boyfriend. I just let it run it's course. Honestly, I didn't think it was real. They have broken up so many times in their two year relationship, I've lost count. Even if it wasn't real, she was still upset. So I left the ball in her court. I told her to let me know if she needs anything and didn't coddle her at all. It's not that I don't care, I do care....A LOT! I just couldn't put a lot of energy into something that may or may not be The Real Thing.

It's the real thing. She showed up on my doorstep looking like HELL with her stuff packed in white garbage bags. It was a heart breaking sight. We sat in the backyard and she told me all about it. She was very matter of fact about it. It's a mutual thing, so hard feelings on any one's part. It just wasn't working out anymore. Both of them had tried, but they are both to damned stubborn and to damned spoiled to bend for the other. Frankly, Husband and I are surprised they lasted this long. If she was a man, she would be Boyfriend and if he was a woman, he would be Peaches. I feel bad for both of them, but all I can do is be there for her. She is where my loyalties lie. I don't hold any ill will toward Boyfriend, I rather like him. He's always been nice to me. When they've stayed at our house he was always very respectful, he talked to Husband, played with the children, all around a nice guy. I can see where his faults and her lie, but that wasn't my problem. It is now, though. *sigh*

We tried to take her out last night, but she ended up fleeing the bar in tears. I let her know that this was the one AND ONLY night that tears in the bar was allowed. Normally, the "no tears in the bar" rule is STRICTLY enforced. I knew going out was a bad idea, but she wanted to go. Then her brother wanted to pick her up last night instead of this morning to go to Washington to get the rest of her stuff. Which ended up being a good thing because she was on the end of her "happy face"rope. When she ran from the bar, her brother followed and they left.

I cleaned my room today and made some room for her stuff in my dresser and my closet. I put her shoes away and I hung up a bunch of her clothes. The whole time I doing it, I'm feeling so sad for them, for the situation. It sucks, it really does. I'm glad she was gone for a few days so I was able to get her stuff put away because there is no way she was going to be able to do it, too final.

We're going to give her a week to grieve the situation and then we're going to kick her ass into HUGE gear. It's time for her to learn to live on her own. Something which she has NEVER done. It's not going to be an easy road, but hopefully she'll be open to it.

Husband thinks this isn't "forever". I hope he's wrong. Not that I want Peaches or Boyfriend to be unhappy, but because I honestly think they aren't right for each other. Plus, I don't know if I have it in me, emotionally, to deal with them getting back together again. That's selfish, I know, but she can be draining at times. I love her dearly, she is like a sister to me. She knows me better then anyone besides Husband. She knows how I feel without having to ask me. She knows when to back off and when to come forward. She knows when it's OK to hug or touch me. She's one of the few people I feel comfortable being raw with. But she can be very draining.

21 friends have commented:

sassy on June 27, 2009 at 12:58 AM said...

How hard!! I hope you have a lot of strength and wisdom dealing with this situation... can't be easy... (hugs)

Egg Factory on June 27, 2009 at 3:53 AM said...

What a good friend you are! Seeing friends go through tough situations like this is very hard and she is lucky to have such a wonderful support system.

The Unproductive One on June 27, 2009 at 4:28 AM said...

If anyone can help her hon you can.

You're such an amazing strong, fantastic, caring, warm person and she's so VERY lucky to have you as a friend!

Just remember while helping her out that you need to still take time for YOU...

Much love my friend


Hope Endures on June 27, 2009 at 7:14 AM said...

What a difficult situation.

You are such an amazing friend! Peaches is lucky to have you in her life.

WiseGuy on June 27, 2009 at 7:15 AM said...

This is an extremely tough situation to be in. On one hand you want to be good to her, and you want to teach her strength.

Nobody learns to pedal well minus bruises and gashes, and mini-accidents, but it also takes a supportive hand to keep it in gear. Well, I think that either your friend would get her act together and see the light, or your relationship with her is bound to strain...it is inevitable for either of the situations to eventually occur.

You are a lovely friend.

Keep your strength. Be firm and supportive. Be a bitter pill that will cure her!

Jenn on June 27, 2009 at 7:19 AM said...

Have I told you lately what an incredible lady you are? Well you are!

Everyone should be as lucky as your BFF to have someone like you in their life.

I will keep your friend in my thoughts and prayers - and while I am at it, I will be thinking of you too!

I am so grateful to have you as my bloggy friend!!!


Kristin on June 27, 2009 at 7:41 AM said...

You are incredible. Not many people would take someone into their home like that. Hope things work out for your friend.

Anonymous said...

wow...how hard

hoping Peaches appreciates, if not now, then when she is more healed

I hope your friendship survives.

Anonymous said...

My comment came out more stilted than I intended. It sounds like she is going through an extremely difficult time (I can relate). I hope that Peaches gets some clarity during this time.

And ditto to all the comments above. You already know I think you are the cat's pajamas' pajamas, and doubly, triply so for being the kind of person who takes in your friends at a moment's notice. Thanks to people like you, well, you know my story.

Hope that made up for the stiltedness. :)

Sunny on June 27, 2009 at 10:39 AM said...

What a difficult situation! She is very lucky to have a stable friend like you to lean on while she recovers. I hope it's not too hard on you!

Clare on June 27, 2009 at 10:44 AM said...

Relationship break-ups are so hard. There is no other feeling like it. It feels like part of you has died, it's so hard to make the transition. Wishing peaches the best.

Kelli on June 27, 2009 at 11:17 AM said...

Thanks for the sweet picture compliment and hug!! :)

Sheliza on June 27, 2009 at 6:04 PM said...

goodness, what a mess! You are truly an amazing firend. Not sure I could be that good. Kudos to you sweetie and I hope Peaches can snap out of it and go on with her life.

JamieD on June 27, 2009 at 7:14 PM said...

You are an amazing person and wonderful friend! I know this is a difficult situation for all involved but I really admire all you are doing for Peaches.

Don't forget to take care of yourself in all this as well . . .

We have Angel Wings on June 27, 2009 at 8:14 PM said...

You are such an amazing person and I give you kudos for helping Peaches out.

I know a lot of people who would have done the tough love route, but you didn't. You were there for her, letting her make her own decisions and you know that when she made that decision that you'd be there for her and that's all that mattered.

With a wonderful friend like you, she'll get through anything. You both will get through this.

((Hugs)) to both of you and keep us updated.


Flower on June 28, 2009 at 5:06 AM said...

That was so nice of you. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Deathstar on June 28, 2009 at 9:03 AM said...

She sounds like the other side of you, in a way, you know the dramatic emotional side. You are a true friend and I'm sure she realizes it. So many people in the world suffer abuse and have no one they can turn to. I'm not saying she did, by the way, but it makes me think of situations like that. You're right to not the let the drama turn your head and suck you in. You are very wise. Stay the course, she'll find her way if you encourage you to stand on her own.

Aunt Becky on June 28, 2009 at 1:50 PM said...

Sounds EXHAUSTING. Hang in there.

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL on June 28, 2009 at 5:47 PM said...

Dani---she is so fortunate to have such a wonderful, strong friend like you. Kudos to you and your DH for helping her find independence. :)

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