Jun 23, 2009

Little bit of This

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
*A very opinionated post. And not because of the Bat Shit Crazy Pills I'm taking, Wiseguy*

I'm a little bit irritated about some people and the way they are being treated by friends. I've read a bunch of blogs the past two days, as it's ICLW and there is NOT one blog on the list that isn't amazing! A few of the blogs have one thread in common and that is not being supported and being judged by the people in their lives. This REALLY pisses me off! I get that the choices and decisions we make in our lives are going to ruffle some feathers. Believe me, I get it! There have been MANY times when the decisions I've made that have been met with weird looks. But if your friends and/or family judge you, who is left?

It is NOT OK to judge someone for their choices! Of course, there are circumstances when someone did something not right, and in that case, lets throw stones at the fucker. But when it comes to a decision a couple is making to build their family (or not) or how to raise their kids, nobody gets a say in that. You can give your opinion, but nobody gets to tell you you're doing the "wrong thing".

There have been friends in my life who make the wrong choice, in my opinion, or one I wouldn't make, but I'll still support them. Even when that choice leads them to fall flat on their face, I'll still support them. Once the air is cleared and the friend can see the error of her ways, THAT'S when I do the "I told you so dance", not before.

After my mom died, there were a lot of people at the ready to help me grieve. I wasn't ready to grieve then. It took me awhile, but not many of those people were still around when I needed them. When I fell into the pit of darkness and I needed a really good friend the most, I didn't get it. That friend ignored the problem and pretended I was fine. Why? Because SHE couldn't see me "weak". That's not cool.

It makes me sad that people can be so judgmental and so rude. I don't understand it. That may be that I live in my Pollyanna world where all I see are rainbows and sunshine, but it still makes me sad. Support your friends no matter what their going through. Isn't that what friends are suppose to do?!

Next I'm going to do a post on body image that's been rolling around in my head since I read Parenthood for Me's post on it. If you haven't read it, you SHOULD! It's amazing!

36 friends have commented:

GeekByMarriage on June 23, 2009 at 9:29 PM said...

I have no idea wtf is going on but I'll pitch in for the hell of it.

I look at dealing with people like this. It's a lot like my parenting style. I might not always like the things you do but I will ALWAYS love YOU. I don't have to agree with your decision but I'll support it if that's what you need.

WiseGuy on June 23, 2009 at 11:30 PM said...

Oh how, I love to teach Organizational Beahaviour....because it opens a huge can of worms - perception, attitude, learning, transactional analysis, ego states, defence mechanisms, stress, life script.

Being judgemental is a way people organize their world around themselves, because they really cannot handle the truth. It does not affect them that they are trampling on the emotions of a live being.

I think it is our responsibility to make the world a better place to be in. You don't have to like somebody to understand their problems....

WiseGuy on June 23, 2009 at 11:31 PM said...

I think there is a reason God allowed mankind to discover Caffeine.

Clare on June 23, 2009 at 11:45 PM said...

Im so lucky that none of my family or my DH's family are judgmental. They've made it clear they will support us whatever decision we make. I cant imagine how I would react if they behaved any differently. I think I'd be furious! It's just not anyone's place to judge the decisions you make regarding your own reproduction or however you want to add to your family! Imagine being in China where the government gets to interfere in that aspect of your life!

Liv on June 24, 2009 at 5:22 AM said...

Perhaps I'm in a shell. I have no idea what your talking about. But with that being said, you are absolutely right.

Is this where we get to quote Thumper and say, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

I'm sorry you had friends turn their back on you while you fell into the pit of dispair. Perhaps one day they'll realize their mistake and be more supportive to their friend/s next time.

skrambled on June 24, 2009 at 5:44 AM said...

I have lost loads of friends because they couldn't support me and it makes me so mad. My family is amazing though. And I have found new friends that offer great support. But I still get mad at the old ones.
ICLW

Kristal on June 24, 2009 at 6:04 AM said...

I totally agree with ur post. I first hand get alot of judgement from people, mostly my family. I am sorry if you are going thru anything at this time, you are right, if you dont have your friends who do u have.. I lovvveee you .......................

Kristin on June 24, 2009 at 8:04 AM said...

Most of the time, my friends and family are unflinching in their support. There have been a few widely scattered incidents of people being judgmental but I quickly took care of that.

Astrid on June 24, 2009 at 8:12 AM said...

Thanks for this post, and for your comment. This is an important message both for the part in us that has had stones cast at us and the part that is tempted to throw them out once in a while. Thanks for the reminder to be good to yourself and to others.

MoxieMamaKC on June 24, 2009 at 8:23 AM said...

Man, I always miss out on the ICLW Week...That being said, I think it sucks when people choose to be judgemental and unsupportive. I've lost friends over it and I'm actually in a "discussion" with another friend because I'm disappointed in her treatment of another friend. Life's too short for grudges and bad energy.

natalie on June 24, 2009 at 9:02 AM said...

So sad when others are so judgemental about other people's parenting and reproducing situations. I never understand why they feel the need to hurt others that way.

Erica on June 24, 2009 at 9:35 AM said...

Judgmental people SUCK - plain and simple.

Thanks for all of your support on my blog, by the way. :)

Erica on June 24, 2009 at 9:36 AM said...

Wait, am I being judgmental by saying that??? LOL!

caitsmom on June 24, 2009 at 10:03 AM said...

Yes. It's odd, sometimes when others are "done" with our grief, no matter the loss, they have little patience for when we still have healing to do.

Thanks for commenting on my blog. I loved your interpretation of the painting I posted. I can see it through your eyes as well now and that is very cool.

ICLW

caitsmom on June 24, 2009 at 10:05 AM said...

OK, I just read WiseGuy's comment "judging is the way others organize the world around themselves." DEEP and makes so much SENSE. Thanks for that nugget!!!

becomingwhole on June 24, 2009 at 11:24 AM said...

I like it when you're up on your soapbox. :) Rant on, girl, rant on.

And that Wiseguy sure is wise.

Aunt Becky on June 24, 2009 at 12:00 PM said...

You should just SEE the crap that the stupid blogluxe awards are bringing out. People are being so nasty to each other. It makes me sick.

Aunt Becky on June 24, 2009 at 12:01 PM said...

Oh, and I get the Judgey-McJudgersteins constantly on my blog. They make my day.

Wishing 4 One on June 24, 2009 at 12:08 PM said...

I'm heeereee...

I so feel ya on this one. I hate when i read that sh!t and it is just not right. Had no idea that is gogin on on the blogosphere but what doesn't huh? And Aunt Becky's comment about the awards briging sh!t out too, come ya'll can't we all just get along already geez!

Michelle on June 24, 2009 at 12:36 PM said...

A lot of time I see judgement as projection...people project their issues onto someone else.

I'm enjoying ICLW too--it's good to step outside my google reader now and then!

mrsmoore08 on June 24, 2009 at 12:45 PM said...

Amen, sista! And nice shout out to WiseGuy with the bat shit crazy pills :)

theworms on June 24, 2009 at 12:58 PM said...

People always have opinions and love to give them.

Walk a mile in an infertiles shoes then try judging. It's so easy to judge when you have idea what someone is going through.

KimboSue on June 24, 2009 at 1:40 PM said...

People who judge are dumbasses. Or am I being judgemental by judging judges? HA

I love it when you can get in "rainbows and sunshine" in like every post!

Erika on June 24, 2009 at 5:27 PM said...

We all have our judgemental moments (at least I think most people do, and if it's just me, please don't tell me :), just hopefully they're in the privacy of our own minds. When we share those judgements is when we get into trouble. So my advice is "think before you speak". I'm sorry if you have people in your life being judgemental!

On another note I'm so sorry your friends weren't there in your time of need. My father passed away and I understand the need to grieve in your own time, I just wish you would have had the support you needed.

ICLW

sorry for such a lengthy comment

Sheliza on June 24, 2009 at 6:39 PM said...

wow, you said a mouthful! I think people should keep their opinions (negative ones) to themselves. Did you change up your blog? Looks great!

Queenie. . . on June 24, 2009 at 7:27 PM said...

That IS what friendship is about--being there, no matter what you think. But I think that you generally learn who your REAL friends are when stuff falls apart. The people who are left standing are the ones worth keeping. I went through a rough patch last fall, and was very disappointed in some people. But in the end, my life is better off now, without them. It turns out, they didn't add much, and I don't miss them.

Coffeegrl on June 25, 2009 at 12:38 AM said...

I hear what you're saying and I try so hard not to be judgmental because I sure don't want others judging me. I think I fail sometimes, esp. where my little sister is concerned, because we approach life differently and I feel like the older wiser person and wish she'd listen to me more often. I know it's not fair to try to make her do things my way all the time - heck she needs to make mistakes too. But it's almost like a reflex. I hate to admit all this but I also know I have to if I'm going to keep working on NOT judging.

Andie on June 25, 2009 at 2:03 AM said...

Real friends support each other, through good and bad. No judgement.

Great post and thanks for visiting my blog! I look forward to reading more of your posts here.

ICLW.

twondra on June 25, 2009 at 4:08 AM said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! That means so much to me!

I can totally relate to this post. I once got an "anonymous" letter in my mailbox (they knew my home address) ripping on me for some things I've done. It was horrible. Luckily, it backfired as when I posted it, I got TONS of support and it was on Stirrups as an "inspiring post". Made me feel better. :)

Thanks for posting this!! (((HUGS)))

Tammy

ICLW

Erin W. on June 25, 2009 at 9:16 AM said...

People tend to suck. lol
Good post.
Thanks for stopping by!
*iclw*

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL on June 25, 2009 at 9:46 AM said...

Great post! I love it when you rant and rave, Dani...you should be a spokesperson! :)

I agree with the wonderful GeekByMarriage---support does NOT mean I agree with your every thought and action. Rather, it means I love (and therefore support) you no matter what.

Julie on June 25, 2009 at 10:55 AM said...

Oh where to begin? Totally agree. And 1/2 the reason I wish I had a separate blog for venting about the IRL who fit that category.

Now, while I would love to help the people I know who are going through hard times / may have made decisions that adversely affected them, I've been there, done that and hindsight will always be 20/20. Giving opinions and advice, good - doing the "if you don't do it this way, you're wrong" -not so great.

and not sure why, but the phrase "bat shit crazy" just amuses the hell out of me lately.

alicia on June 25, 2009 at 11:54 AM said...

i agree! if friends and family are judging us then who do we have? a good friend will stand by you no matter what, i truly believe that as well!

JamieD on June 25, 2009 at 1:35 PM said...

I agree 100%. A lot of times people will make decisions I wouldn't make, but you know what? I'm not in their shoes and not the best judge of what the best decision is. All I can do is stand by and support them.

Sunny on June 26, 2009 at 8:00 PM said...

That's too bad that so many people are being judged and not supported. I agree with what you said... we may have opinions about what other people are doing, but that doesn't mean we need to SPEAK or ACT on them. If it's necessary (i.e. a life-or-death situation) or asked for, I'd be happy to share. But #1) that person is in the best place to make their own decisions, as they have to live them 24 hours a day and #2) sometimes we have to learn what TO DO by doing what NOT TO DO first. We are human!

Luckily, I have super supportive friends and family. Or maybe it's not just luck, not sure how many negative people I would be close to...

Fat Chick on June 28, 2009 at 9:18 AM said...

It's sad that so many ICLWers are feeling judged and not supported. However, I sometimes think that what comes across as judgement is really just someone trying to be supportive, but not knowing the right thing to say.

ICLW

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