Lots To Say

I want to say a few things about Dr. Tiller. I've read a few blogs and articles about what happened to him and how his death and life affected these woman's lives. I don't agree with how he was killed. Frankly, I think it's horrible. It makes no sense whatsoever! I don't understand how people think that killing this man was a good idea. Yes, he performed late term abortions, but the people who protested what he did, did they do ANY research? Did they read ANY articles where he made sure it was for a MEDICAL cause and not "just because"? Do they know that he has a family and friends that care about him? Will it make their argument for banning late term abortions suddenly OK because they did "their job"? I honestly can NOT wrap my brain around it. I just do not understand, plain and simple.

I can see how someone doesn't agree with what he did for a living, but killing him? How does that make ANY sense? Although, if I did agree with the people who are OK with his death, then I suppose I wouldn't be questioning it and would be crazy *totally my opinion* as well? I can understand how one might not agree with abortion. I've never been in a position where I had to make a decision like that. But am I thankful I have the choice? HELL YEAH I am! Am I thankful that Kristin had the choice to make, as well as Cecily Of course I am!

Two people, that I know of, in my personal life have had abortions. While, I may not agree with their reasons, that doesn't mean I am going to judge them for it. It's not my place to say it's the right choice or it's the wrong choice. Why? BECAUSE I AM NOT THEM! I have always said "I may not agree with your choice, but I will always support you in it" to all my friends and family. While I didn't understand my friend's reason for her abortion, I was still at her side while she took those pills and helped her through all of it. She cried and cried, not for her, but for me. She looked into my eyes and said "I am making the choice to do this, you didn't have a choice when you had your miscarriages. I can't believe you're here helping me and taking care of me". I didn't even think about it like that. Not once was I resentful toward her for doing something voluntarily, that my body did involuntarily. It wasn't about that. It was about this was her choice to make, she needs to live with this choice for the rest of her life. Will me looking down my nose at her, make a difference? Will she decide not to take those pills because I disagree with it? No! Just because I may not have made that decision, who's to say that someday I might HAVE to make that decision? Life is funny that way. Things always have a way coming back to biting you in the ass. If me being by her side made her feel a little bit better about the choice she felt she HAD to make, then I'm willing to do because I love her. She is my best friend and I will love her until the day that I die. I am pro-choice and damn proud of it! I don't want to ever see the day where I don't have a choice. I don't ever want to hear about an "back alley" abortion gone wrong, and a woman lost her life. I feel it's senseless.
*stepping down off my soap box*

Another thing that's been on my mind is discrimination. Not race discrimination, but how people look at others. I've been discriminated against a lot of my life, especially my adult life. When I walk into a place, I get looked up and down and then people turn their noses up at me. Why? Because I am "skinny and pretty" their words NOT mine.

One of my very good friends is overweight. When I first met her, I didn't look at her as "the fat girl" in the room. I looked at her as a woman *girl* who was funny, looked like she was having a great time and I really wanted to get to know her. But how did she look at me? She was a complete and total bitch to me and my friend. Why? Because we were "skinny and pretty" and our lives were SO much better then hers because of it. She literally turned her back on us when we went over there to talk to them. This wasn't the first time it has happened and it wasn't the last.

I've always been a kind person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and I can be a HUGE bitch. But it takes A LOT for me to get there. I give people the benefit of the doubt, when I first meet them. Even if I've heard the opposite. When someone has wronged me, I'll give them a few chances. If they continue to do it, I won't cut them out of my life, I'll just distance myself from them.

I am and always will be a Pollyanna. I will always see rainbows and sunshine and vomit happiness all over everyone and everything. There is ALWAYS a silver lining and I can always put a positive spin on it. Does it bother me that I try to put on a good first impression and I get that I'm a snob? Very much so! Can I change people's minds? Sadly, no I can't. All I can do is give them the opportunity to get to know me and know that I'm not a snob, nor am I bitch. My life is not perfect because I am "skinny and pretty". Nor am I perfect.

The grass is not always greener on the other side. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Dig deeper and you will find a diamond in the rough. All those cliches are true for a reason.

I will never understand closed minded people and I will never understand discrimination. These are facts I've come to terms with. All I can do is be the best Beautiful Mess I can be. If that means people judging me for what I look like, then so be it. If people choose to get to know me, they will find a very caring person who doesn't judge on looks alone. And that, my friends, is something that my parents instilled in me. Something, I am eternally grateful for.