And she has NO idea.
Saturday when all I wanted to do was stay in bed and sulk but was unable to do because I had A LOT of stuff to do, my heart was healed a little bit. Zilla had a birthday party to go to and because I'm over protective, I went with him. The party was for a little girl in his class and I may have gone overboard buying her princess(!) toys, but we had a great time. We went to the park, hunted for eggs, hit a pinata, got muddy, and had a great time. We ended up at the Birthday Girl's house for cake and ice cream. The kids all ran off and I was left in the front room with about 5 adults I had never met in my life. We made small talk and eventually I got a little bit more comfortable with them.
There was a 2 year old little girl there who stole my heart and healed it at the same time. She has Downs Syndrome and took a liking to me! I was so excited, it took everything I had not to scoop her up and smother her with kisses. We played with the remotes, play dough and she kept signing "more play" to me when I wasn't playing with what she wanted me to play with.
I asked her mom how she felt about strangers before I made my move because she looked a bit overwhelmed when they walked in the door. Although, I can't blame her, I was overwhelmed watching all those 6 and 7 year olds running around the house, too! Her mom said it takes time for her to warm up to strangers but assured me, I wouldn't freak her out if I said hello or played with her. That was all I needed and I sat on the floor across from the coffee table from her and showed her a toy. Eventually she made her way into my lap and I was so honored, I wanted to cry. Her mom said she never does that and both she and her husband were very surprised. I was just so happy to have this beautiful child sitting in my lap, that I didn't care that she never does this.
Addison let me play with her for about 2 hours. It was such an amazing 2 hours, I don't think I'll forget them for the rest of my life. She even let me give her a high five! For those 2 hours, I didn't think about my Omi passing away, I didn't think that my dad has to go through this another time, all I did was immerse myself in this beautiful soul.
I came home so happy and told Dirty and Roomie about it. Dirty said I was explaining it all wrong, apparently I was making it sound like someone who just got to play with a puppy. Which wasn't my intention at all, obviously, I was just filled with such peace and happiness, I had to tell them. It's taken me a few days to process these feelings, but I think I've got it.
Addison healed my heart. She might have sensed that I needed some sweet baby time or she just wanted to play, either way, I owe Addison so much. What she did for me on Saturday is exactly what I needed.