Apr 12, 2010

Time to Decompress

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
This weekend was a very long weekend and I have NEVER been so thankful for Monday to come in my entire life! My dad was here all last week and lil sis was here over the weekend. Obviously I love my family dearly, but when she brings her boyfriend and her two kids, it gets to be a bit TOO much. She parents VERY differently than Dirty and I do, therefore her children are disrespectful little shits. We are more on the strict side and do not allow our children to talk to us the way she allows her children talk to her. We have had to tell the children that the rules at our house are different than the rules are their house and they must follow the rules when they are here. It seems to work, but it's still very stressful. And of course there's the aftermath of Zilla thinking it's cool to act like his cousin and turns into a heathen! Last night was a rough night for me. I had to be "mean" and tell him "if you can't talk to me nicely, I don't want to talk to you. I love you, but right now, your attitude is making me mad and hurting my feelings." I kind of felt like an asshole for saying that to him, even though it seemed to have no effect on him, but I needed to put his little attitude in check! I'm sure part of it was that I was SO drained from the funeral and all the emotions bubbling to the surface after everything had calmed down a bit, but it was still a rough evening.

Friday night we went to the rosary mass, that was interesting. We aren't affiliated with this church at all, and the whole thing felt cold. The gentlemen reading the rosary were very automatic in their readings and nobody really said my Omi's name. It was not intimate at all, like my mom's was. After the mass, my cousin and my uncle were taking pictures of the flower arrangements and the urn. I kind of felt like this was odd, but went with it because everyone wanted a picture with Oma. My uncle wanted a picture of my cousin and myself standing on either side of the urn, which I did, but had NO idea how to pose. A smile didn't feel right and where was I suppose to look or put my hand. I get why my uncle wanted a picture and I appreciate that, I was just a bit uncomfortable with it. Plus I was doing my best not to remember the last funeral we all attended and break down. We ended up at my aunt's house, ate some home cooked Indonesian food, chatted a bit, drank a class of wine and that seemed to make me feel a bit better.

The funeral was not a good closing to my Omi's life at all. Not only did the priest get her death date wrong, he seemed to get a kick out of the fact that she chose to go home during the "holiest week of the year". I'm not even kidding when I say he was trembling with excitement over this. His voice was loud and I swear if it wasn't for the family members bawling our eyes out, he would have danced a jig. After that mistake, he called the wrong aunt's name for a reading. A reading she didn't even know she was SUPPOSE to read! Thankfully the mass was ended with beautiful words and memories from my aunts, my dad, a cousin, and some friends. Those words being said made the rest of the mass better.
After mass we went to the church hall and had some food and watched a video one of the cousins had made. He did such a beautiful job getting pictures and putting the whole thing together.

I did have a minor freak out when I found out we were going over to another cousin's house for a family dinner because uncle douche bag was going to be there and I had Nae with me. I talked to lil sis and my dad about it and they did little to appease my fears. What ended up calming me down was Nae. I told her we were going to cousin's house and if she didn't feel comfortable going, we would go home. She told me she was having a good time talking to the cousins she never gets to see and didn't need to go home. The kid looked me in the eyes and said "mom, I'm good, I promise! I'll let you know if I want to go home." After that conversation, I stepped out of my perceptive of things and looked at it from her point of view. She's right, she was having a good time and even though the fears I have are real, it doesn't mean I need to freak out and run away. The need to protect her was just so overwhelming, I wanted to run. I'm glad I made the choice to stay because she'll remember that day as being able to spend time with the family she never gets to spend time with. That's not to say uncle douche bag was EVER out of my sight because he wasn't. Plus he KNOWS better than to talk to me or my children. He's disgusting but at least he knows how I feel about him. I know I made the right decision and I'm so glad I allowed Nae to be involved in it.

Before we went to my cousin's for dinner, we stopped at my aunt's house and she gave us pictures of my mom and us that we had given to Oma. My dad has most of them because he's going to scan them in the computer, but I did snag a few that I didn't want to let go. There's one of my mom nursing me days after I was born and my older sister is sitting next to her. It is the most beautiful picture of my mom I've ever seen! I am so grateful to have that picture here. I put it in a frame and have looked at it so many times. It's just so precious.
It's a picture of the picture, but it's still such a lovely picture.

So all in all it was a draining weekend, but it was nice to be able to spend time with my family.

14 friends have commented:

Raelene on April 12, 2010 at 2:00 PM said...

Beautiful picture.

kate on April 12, 2010 at 3:19 PM said...

I'm really glad that despite all the nonsense with the priest salivating over a holy week death that you managed to hold it together and make it through without breaking down. That had to have been tough.

Incidentally, one of my mom's dear friends died on Easter day several years ago, and the a$$hole doing her service couldn't shut up about how special it was that she chose to "go home to Jesus on the day he rose from the dead" (Um, if Jesus were actually here on Earth that day, then what did Aunt Gail do until he got back? Just sit at the gates and wait? Play pinochle with St. Peter?? Crass, I know, but that's what I kept thinking throughout her funeral...). Anyway, that guy spent more time talking about the high holy holidays than he did about Aunt Gail's life. It was just awful. OH, and he spent the last half of the "sermon" trying to convert people, talking about how we were all sinners who would end up in hell. Great funeral talk, dude.

Anyhow, the picture is gorgeous. How lucky you are to have that! Simply beautiful!

Kristin on April 12, 2010 at 4:30 PM said...

What an amazing picture to have.

Sorry the funeral wasn't everything it should have been. I can't remember if I told you but I have been praying hard for your family and I am so sorry for your loss.

Quiet Dreams on April 12, 2010 at 5:15 PM said...

That sounds really tough. I know about relatives taking, um, inappropriate photos at funerals. And by relatives, I mean my dad (though an urn would be an improvement, if you get my drift).

I love, love, LOVE that photo. What a sweet moment to have captured on film. You have a photo of her caring for you at your most vulnerable. Beautiful.

SS on April 12, 2010 at 5:30 PM said...

absolutely beautiful picture. sorry for everything you went through last week!

CanadianMama on April 12, 2010 at 6:46 PM said...

Sounds draining! Big Hugs lady!
ps. that picture is beautiful - I'm glad you got it!

SassyCupcakes on April 13, 2010 at 4:05 AM said...

I'm exhausted just reading this. You're such a good Mum, even when it's tough. And I love that photo.

Mischief Maker on April 13, 2010 at 9:07 AM said...

Thinking of you. Hugs.

WiseGuy on April 14, 2010 at 2:25 AM said...

Oooh...I am glad that you are getting the opportunity to unwind. Having tons of guests around in the house puts a stress on the host anyways. Knowing some of the guests you were having, I guess I could treble the stress.

I am so sorry that the funeral did not go as it should have. Maybe God allows an express entrance in the Heaven, if one dies in the holy week?

What is the story of that douchebag uncle?

WiseGuy on April 14, 2010 at 2:27 AM said...

The photograph is lovely. Your mother looks radiant.

And it was okay for you to have set Zilla 'right'. The last thing he needs is negative influence of his cousins. You did the right thing, even though I know it must have been hard.

Alana on April 14, 2010 at 4:19 AM said...

--AWESOME photo, SO glad you have it!

--Though a little harsh, it sounds like Zilla needed to be reminded of YOUR house rules. I'm sure your little guy isn't holding your words against you!

--I'm sorry the funeral wasn't all you had hoped for.


Wishing 4 One on April 14, 2010 at 11:12 AM said...

The picture is beautiful! I love old pictures. When my Oma passed away my mother acquired literally hundreds and hundreds of photos, movies and cards. I'm sorry teh service was a bit crazy, but know you are in my thoughts, sorry for your loss girl. xxoxo

JJ on April 14, 2010 at 8:33 PM said...

Love the picture...I love the ease of the digital age we live in, but I really love the pictures from "back when"
Been thinking a lot about you and your family this past week--lots on your plate. Lots of hugs!

Anonymous said...

That is a beautiful picture! I hope you can relax from all the stress.

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