Sometimes

I know we made the right decision to have Husband get laid off. The expense in gas, wear and tear on the truck, not spending time with the children were all factors in this decision. It was the right choice for our family.

Moving was also the right choice for our family. I haven't quite got all the calculations worked out, but I'm pretty sure it's cheaper living here. If not, the extra money is well worth the benefit of not having to take care of 3 other children and another grown man.

We were responsible and saved money for the move in costs. Husband signed up for unemployment ASAP. We got insurance for the children, so they wouldn't be without. We got Nae a cell phone since, we wouldn't be 2 blocks away from her school and she wanted to play volleyball. Once again, the right and smart choices were made. So we thought...

I do believe the universe hates us, or maybe just Husband. I think he has bad karma and is getting God smacked left and right. Only his God smacks aren't only felt by him. They are felt by ALL 4 of us. Maybe more, depending on whom I'm whinnying to that day.

When the unemployment told us the date for our first check, we planned on it! We naively believed what they said when Husband talked to them. Well that day came and went and WEIRD, no check. Apparently the lady misspoke and we wouldn't get a check until the NEXT week. Well shit, we kind of planned on having that check THIS week.

Thankfully, there are resources in our community that I was able to use and all was well. Thankfully I/we have an amazing support system of friends who will and did come to my aid when I'm worrying about how we're going to get through the next week with $20 in our pockets.

So, as much as I didn't want to do it, I did. I walked into the Department of Human Services with my head held high and told them I needed help. I knew it was something that had to be done. I knew I wasn't an "less" of a parent because I was asking for assistance. Maybe my friend was right when she said "you doing this, is what makes you a good mom". I filled out the paperwork was assigned a caseworker and got my benefits. I thought for sure I was going to feel like a looser doing this, but strangely, I didn't. It was the right choice to make.

Good thing I did make the decision, because even though we have gotten our unemployment, the severance check hasn't come, yet. That check they said was going to be here within 30 days of Husband's last day of work, still has not showed up. We did get the paperwork and filled it and sent it off the very same day, still...no check.

There is nothing I can do about any of this. All I can do is pray and hope that all will be right soon. In the mean time, things are rough. Husband and I are tense. The children are tense. As much as we'd like to shield them from the stresses we are feeling, that isn't possible. My daughter isn't dumb. She knows what's going on, I wish it were different, but it is what it is. All of these are out of my control.

What I do have control over, is how I am handling all of this. I didn't let my ego get in the way when I easily could have. I am not snapping at anyone because I/we are stressed. I can worry till I turn blue, but that won't make any of it better.

What we do have is food in the house, heat to warm us up if we're cold, a beautiful creek to walk down and feed the ducks if it gets to be too much to stay in the house. We may not be where I thought we were going to be, but it could be worse. We have each other PLUS many friends and family members. We can be thankful for "the small" things such as, Zilla getting ALL green Bee's last week for good behavior. We can be thankful for Nae being honest with us when she failed a test, but is still betting a B+ in the class. We can be thankful that in spite of the money issue, we can still have dinner together and play "eye spy" and laugh when Husband "cheats" and one of the children gussies correctly. These aren't small things actually, they are HUGE things!

Money doesn't make anyone happy, yes it can make things easier, but not happy. We will be fine in a few days, this I know to be true. In the mean time, it'll be tough, but not impossible to think clearer.