Nov 7, 2008

Unexpected gifts

Musings of A Beautiful Mess

I have no idea what I expected after clicking "publish" after pouring out my fears and insecurities on my last post. That's not true, I didn't really have any expectations. I was scared though, so scared. I didn't think I would get any "hate" comments, nor did I think anyone would judge me for making the decisions we/I made. What I got was an amount of support that made me cry. I got some "you did the right thing" and "I've been in your shoes before" comments and it was a good feeling. Of course, not because it happened to another person, but to realize that there are other adults who've come upon hard times and had to seek assistance from the government or the state. It doesn't make me feel good, but at the same time, having food in the house is more important then me feeling like an ass. It's something small, but when my son asked for raisins to have in his lunch and I was able to go to the store and get them, I knew it was the right choice.

So, thank you to everyone who read and sent me a comment. It made me feel less alone and less like a terrible person. That sounds a bit dramatic, but I did feel like an ass that first day I use my card to pay for our groceries *sigh*. I can't say "thank you" enough or tell you how much it meant to me to read all those comments. If there were another word that meant more than "thanks", that's the word I would use.

Just a few minutes ago, Husband and I were out front and I saw a cat by the truck. I clicked my tongue and it walked up on our porch and let us pet it! The cats around here are skittish and haven't let us get near them, much to Zilla's disappointment *and mine*. Not this cat, it walked right up to us and curled around our legs. It was a fluffy gray cat with a half crooked tail. Too cute! It was soft and was purring the whole time we were petting it. I sat down on our wet porch and let the cat crawl into my lap. It was so sweet and so soft. I wanted so badly to bring it into the house and snuggle with it all night long. After Husband went in, I sat there petting and playing with the cat for about 15 minutes. When it jumped off my lap and off the porch, I had a moment of sadness. I wanted that kitty to be mine. Then I looked back at it and said "thank you for letting me pet you and making a rough few days totally worth it".

Thank you to all my new blogging friends and thank you to that cat. Without either of those gifts, today would have ended on a crappy note. Instead I am once again, thinking off all the things I have and not about that stupid God damn check that hasn't come.....yet!

1 friends have commented:

MoxieMamaKC on November 8, 2008 at 8:57 AM said...

Hang in there! I just read both of your posts and you are a brave, wonderful mom. Sometimes we have to make scary decisions that are the best for our families. (Damn adulthood!) But you did the right thing.

I love cats and I truly believe they have a second sense about who might need a little extra loving. I hope he comes back for another visit!

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