Nov 18, 2008

Support?

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
My in laws are kind of snobby. They believe in doing things the "right" way. If it isn't done the "right" way then, it isn't done.

When we were pregnant with our daughter, my MIL gave me ALL kinds of unsolicited advice. I know that's her job, but this is our baby. She already had hers, she doesn't get to pick out the name of our child. Nor does she get to tell me how to raise our child. I'll accept any kind of advice, but not criticism.

When we found out Nae might have been sick when she was born and/or possibly not live for very long, we made a "death plan". It sounds crude, but we wanted to be prepared if the worst happens. We didn't want ANYONE in the room for the delivery and if Nae was sick, we wanted NOBODY in our room. We just wanted it to be the 3 of us. That might have been selfish, but that was what our decision was. MIL didn't agree with this at all! She wanted to be in the room and basically pushed the issue until Husband had to be blunt and a bit rude about it. Of course they were "allowed" at the hospital for the duration, but not in our room for the actual birth.

Thankfully, all went well and they were able to meet their first grandchild. For the sake of our daughter, we decided to forget about the past. It isn't fair to put our opinions on our daughter and interfere with the relationship she should have with her grandparents.

I'm glad we did, even though there have been a few times when we got the advice that we didn't ask for. On the whole, they have been fairly quiet about their opinions. Instead of telling us what to do, she'll ask if she can give us some advice. That's a nice change.

There's been times when they didn't agree with choices we decided to make and make it VERY clear. Such as 4 years ago when we moved in with our best friends. They did not agree with that choice and let us know. It all went fine and our 2 families are still friends and I'm glad we did it.

Now that we are trying to make some hard choices and decisions for our future, where is our support? Where are the phone calls or the emails telling us we're doing the right thing? Even though it may not be the choice they would make, doesn't mean it's wrong.

We FINALLY got our check Friday and did everything with it we planned on doing with it. We paid bills, got all caught up, bought a new/used car and bought our one and only splurge. It's a nice feeling to have all that stuff done. The stress is slowly lifting.

When I mentioned all of this to my MIL, I didn't get much support. Just more questions and more criticism. I'm frustrated. I understand we're not doing things as they would be doing them, but that doesn't necessarily it's wrong. Thanksgiving should be interesting this year.

I blame this all on my dad and my sister. They're the ones who moved to Bend. If they hadn't moved, we could do Thanksgiving at MY house! They're getting it.... ;o)


6 friends have commented:

Mischief Maker on November 18, 2008 at 10:17 AM said...

What was your one and only splurge? :)

Kenya on November 19, 2008 at 9:47 PM said...

Wow, stop filling her in on your business. If you keep her in the dark you may get a bit of peace.

honeywine on November 20, 2008 at 7:33 AM said...

I am so thinking of skipping Thanksgiving. :( I have had enough drama! Why do the older folks always want to tell you what to do? It's even worse when you know how their decisions didn't always work out.

Tiffanie on November 20, 2008 at 1:52 PM said...

uggghh, i hear you on the unnecessary advice and family drama. holidays are more annoying than they should be. i wish i could just go away w/ my husband and not have to deal w/ any of it. good luck:)

Danifred on November 22, 2008 at 6:22 AM said...

Unsolicited "advice" makes me crazy. It makes me absolutely nuts. Hang in there!

Momma Val on November 29, 2008 at 8:21 PM said...

EWWW! I have an overbearing MIL too. She has been the one to give all kinds of unsolicited advice and plenty of criticism too. Why? My mom doesn't, my sister doesn't, my step MIL doesn't and my stepmom and friends don't. Agh! I completely hear you. She just wants my son to herself cuz she was too busy to enjoy hers when she had children. I say that there is alot to be said about boundries and distance. The more mine interferes, the more space there is between her and I and the visits. Start to wonder if she'll ever get IT? Hang in there. If I were you I would leave her out of the loop with all the info that she typically is privy to. That has worked for me/us. Drives her nuts BUT she has nothing to disagree with if she doesn't know about it right? I believe with Kenya!!!!!

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