Nov 28, 2008

It went.....

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
We went over to my in laws on Sunday to help out with some chores they needed done. Since my FIL had his surgery, my MIL has had to do more around the house and outside of the house. She bribed us with a dinner of shrimp friend rice of we came over and raked the backyard and Husband cleaned out the gutters.

It would give us time to have the conversation we wanted to have with them and also the children would be able to spend some time with Nana and their grandparents. We got there, talked a bit and got to work. We didn't really want to have any type of conversation with the children in the mix. We usually discuss our decisions with Nae. Depending, of course, what the conversation is about. When it comes to situations that would affect her, we'll discuss them with her. She won't get to have the final say, but we will give her a chance to give us her opinion. Nae is 11, but she's very mature for her age. that kid misses NOTHING! And we've learned in the past, that if we keep things from her, she finds out anyway and ends up asking us, or gets the wrong information and freaks out about it. If we keep her in the loop, then she has all the information and we can see how our decision would affect her.

Once we were done with our chores and dinner, the children were off playing, we talked to my MIL. We told her that taking care of Nana wouldn't work for us. As much as we want to do it, there is just no way for us to do it. We outlined all our reasons, from having just the one vehicle, to having Zilla in after-school care. It just can't work, there is no way it could! Maybe if we had another vehicle, it would work, but not right now. Husband is better at this then I am. They're his parents and he has no problem telling them "like it is". He told them flat out "we gave you a solution, 2 as a matter of fact, but you chose not to take them. They may have not been the perfect solutions, but we were willing to help you out and you said no. That was your choice. This is ours". My MIL took it fine, I think she knew it wouldn't work. My FIL was a bit different about it. He kept saying there was a way for us to do it. He has the attitude that if it benefits him then, there's a way for it to be done. Basically, he's an asshole. Him and I haven't seen eye to eye on a lot of things in the past 15 years. I use to hold my tongue when I disagreed with his opinions, now I tell him exactly how I feel. He isn't use to it. He's a bit old fashioned and for a woman to be talking back to him...well lets just say he isn't use to it.

For now, that subject has been put to rest. The next one that's up for some heated debates is Christmas, they want us to go over there from December 26th to January 2nd. They want to go to the cabin and they want us to care for Nana while they are gone. We don't have anything going on during the time. There's no school, nobody has work to go to and we could do it. But, it's the day after Christmas and the children won't really want to leave the house after they just got a bunch of new toys and such. Husband and I talked and we thought that maybe we could do it from the 27th on. I don't have a problem with being over there for the new year. Sometimes I go out either before midnight or after. I'm always home in time for the ball to drop. It isn't a big deal for me to not go out, but it is a big deal for me to leave our house when the children don't have school. It's their vacation, do they really want to spend it at their grandparents' house where they have any of their "stuff"? Is it fair to them to do this?

Husband and I have talked about this a lot on the past few days and we are still undecided. We kind of feel that they always ask us to do this kind of stuff because our situation is "perfect". Before I was the only one without a job. I work at home doing all the house stuff, but I don't get paid for it. I almost feel like they are taking advantage of our choice for me to stay home with the children. I'm still a bit undecided about doing this. I do want to spend time with Nana and be able to spoil her like I usually do, but I also have to think of my family. I have to think of the break from school. Nae might want to spend the night at her friend's house, but if we are an hour away and something happens, it'll take us that much longer to get to her. She can't really have any of her friends come over because there's nothing to do at my in laws' house. Plus the children have to be quiet all the time. They can't run around the house there like they do here. There really isn't anything for them to break here, there...there's something to break in ever room. I can't afford to replace something they break over there! I'm sure I'm over thinking this and our kids aren't heathens. They don't run all over our house all the time, but we do have the occasional wrestling match. And my house is never quiet. There is always something going on.

I guess we'll see if my MIL can even get the time off of work to do this. If she does, we'll have to come to some kind of compromise. I just don't think it's fair to spend a week over there, when we could be home and the children can have their stuff with them. I just don't know what the right choice is here. We'll have to talk and think it over, some more *sigh*

3 friends have commented:

Anonymous said...

It sounds like it's getting to be time for a new look at the situation. Maybe ya'll need to check into some elder-care programs?

Bec on December 2, 2008 at 4:32 AM said...

Sounds like there are some decisions that need to be made hon. Don't let them take advantage of your 'perfect situation', the point is that it is your family and your interests need to come first. Family is very important but you can't do everything for everyone, no matter how hard you try.

Kristin on December 3, 2008 at 9:40 AM said...

Don't let them take advantage of you. I would offer to spend 3 or 4 days with Nana and no more.

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