May 5, 2009

Gratidtude and I'm sorry

Musings of A Beautiful Mess

That *picture is to show you exactly how much I am thankful for you! Each petal is a thank you for each and every one of you.

I know, I'm going to fumble this. I know there is no way I could thank ALL of you for your support. You gently held me up so I could crawl out of that hole I was in. I'm not sure if I'm ALL the way out of it, but I know I'm a lot closer then I was. You all took such good care of me when I was at a very low, low. It almost feels as though I am cheating or I don't deserve it because my mom has been gone for three years now. I know that my heart will hurt forever and there will always be a missing part of my soul, but it's not like it happened yesterday. I can't live my life saying "I should have dealt with this when she passed" and I'm really trying not to, BUT..I really wish I would have. Anyway, this is where I'm at. The important thing is that I'm dealing with this NOW *as best as I can* and I have every single one of you to thank for that. I received emails, comments, and text messages filled with support, love and the most kindest heartfelt words. I read them and I cried. I read them and I felt loved. I read them and I knew I wasn't alone. Even if it was a few words and a hug or a paragraph, they meant so much to me. I am humbled by you and I thank you so much. I hope I am able to give you half the support you've given me. I know it isn't "perfect", but honestly without you..I don't even want to know where I would be.

For any one's who's blog I have visited in the past few days and have left a comment that left you wondering "WTF is she thinking/saying?!" Sorry about that. for some reason, my ability to speak through my fingers has left my body. I'm the first to admit that I am less then eloquent, but usually I can type a heartfelt comment. Every time I comment, I mean what I say. But lately, my comments have been less then stellar. If I've offended anyone with a comment or it makes NO sense whatsoever, please accept my apologies. I don't mean to offend, nor do I want to spew nonsense.

I am slowly working my way back to where I was before, but sometimes, it proves to be a bit more difficult then I thought. I am almost there. I'm still feeling pretty raw and fragile. Although, I am accepting these feelings and not rushing myself to be "whole". I can't do that, it doesn't work, anyway. I'm guessing that Monday will be the start of a better week.

Thank you! ((((HUGS))))

* image props

19 friends have commented:

Kristin on May 5, 2009 at 6:19 PM said...

I don't know...that was pretty damned eloquent! I'm glad I was able to help a little and would do it again in a moment.

Jenn on May 5, 2009 at 6:34 PM said...

I know you are struggling to work through your feelings but I want to tell you how much I admire your strength, determination and honesty in doing so!

I will always be around anytime you need a laugh, a lift up or just a hug!

You have been such a HUGE support and friend for so many women in the ALI community.

I am just glad we can be there to support you when need be!

((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

Dora on May 5, 2009 at 6:51 PM said...

Don't worry, hon. Your comments have been perfectly fine. Hang in there. Monday's coming!

WiseGuy on May 5, 2009 at 6:56 PM said...

Yay for Monday!!

You know I would much rather jump into that rather than identify my petal there... :p

You are good. And I accept your apologies. :P

Alright D, it is alright....everybody of us are for everybody....if you are hurting you have the right to heal, grieve and make up for the lost.

Take Care, Be good.

JamieD on May 5, 2009 at 6:56 PM said...

I have gotten so much support from this community, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to know that I have been able to support someone else as well.

I'm glad we met!

GeekByMarriage on May 5, 2009 at 7:22 PM said...

Huge hugs my love!

Jaymee on May 5, 2009 at 9:48 PM said...

you never have to apologize for being where you are in life. i am just so thankful that we have this amazing way to connect and learn from each other. personally, i will always be here for you, just as you have been there for me.

HUGS

Jill on May 6, 2009 at 5:46 AM said...

Apparently words are failing me, too! ((hugs)) we love you!

Tiffanie on May 6, 2009 at 6:46 AM said...

i think you are doing a great job of working thru your feelings and dealing with your issues:) (((hugs)))

honeywine on May 6, 2009 at 9:19 AM said...

That's what this place is for. It's here to help you sort things out. That's why you found it and why you stick with us even if some of us aren't here as much as we'd like. :(

PS- I'm glad you said it was petals. I thought for a second that it was ground hamburger. ;)

SS on May 6, 2009 at 9:28 AM said...

You are so sweet! I am glad to see that you are really turning the corner. I am not sure my mom ever got over her father's death more than 12 years ago, and she mourns every October when the anniversary of that sad event arrives. I am sorry I have not been commenting more. Just wiped out by the first trimester. But I have been reading, always finding enough time to at least do that. Welcome back!

Deathstar on May 6, 2009 at 9:58 AM said...

You're welcome. Take your time. Winter never fails to turn to spring.

Aunt Becky on May 6, 2009 at 12:51 PM said...

Hang in there, Beautiful Mess.

nancy on May 6, 2009 at 3:31 PM said...

~hugs~ right back atcha.

becomingwhole on May 6, 2009 at 4:20 PM said...

A wise friend once told me, "Sometimes you have to be ok with not being ok."

You have been an unbelievably great support to me, and I imagine to a lot of others as well. Maybe it's just your turn to not be ok. Let us love on you a lot, as you would do for us.

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL on May 7, 2009 at 6:51 AM said...

You really do ROCK! Hang in there! You're allowed to ramble and fish around trying to figure out your thoughts and feelings...it's okay! :)

eden on May 8, 2009 at 4:06 AM said...

You are REAL and I love you for it.

You're are keepin it real in the hood ... the sistahood.

Word.

_____

There's no rule books for grief .... I hope you manage through Mothers Day ok on Sunday, and that you get pampered and spoilt. And loved.

XOXOXOXOX

cysteract on May 9, 2009 at 9:39 AM said...

I always love your comments and visits over to my little piece of the Internets.. You've certainly made me smile on some rough days :-)

I'd love to return the favor anytime.. (((HUGS)))

Bring on MONDAY..I hope your week totally RAWKS !

We have Angel Wings on May 9, 2009 at 4:26 PM said...

You never have to say you're sorry for the way that you're feeling. They are your feelings, you're allowed to have them and you're allowed to feel them.

We're all here for you no matter what. I like to think that friendships are really like marriages - as in, we're here for you through the good the bad, health and sickness and so on.

We're here to pick you up when you need us and we're here to hold your hand through it. Monday's almost here, babe and it'll be over before you know it.

Love,

T

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