As soon as Monday hit, I felt refreshed! I woke up to my alarm and felt good. No more gloom and doom. I know it was all psychosomatic, but I'm OK with that. As long as I can stop feeling like I'm in some dark place.
Husband and I started working out again. We did weights and went for a jog. Did you know when you take a month off from working out because your depressed and then sick it's HARD to get back into IT? Really, it is! The weights were fine, but jogging? Not so much! It took everything I had to finish my mile. I did it! But it was harder. THEN it dawned on me that husband increased our pace. I'm convinced he's trying to kill me. He must think I have some fancy life insurance policy. Poor guy doesn't realize how much laundry he'll have to do once he offs me. And dinner..jokes on him! ;o)
Working out is going well. I'm less sore today then I was the days before. YAY for progress! The one thing Id like to find a solution of is my friends needing me for every. little. thing.
Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. I really do! They are a HUGE part of my life. They've helped me when I needed it and when I allowed them to help me. They've come running when I called or backed off when I tell them too. But sometimes, I just can't fix their problems. It's not that I don't care, I do care. I just don't have the energy to care right now. I know that's mean and I probably owe them better, but right now, that's all I've got. I just can't care about you and your boyfriend right now. I can't care that your schedule changed and you MUST stay home and work all day long. I can't care that your bored and you want to go do something, but don't have enough money to go do what you want to do. I can't listen to you whine how your sick and you can barley get out of bed and your boyfriend chose right now to buy you a puppy. I would love to have your problems be my problems, but right now, I can't do that for you.
There is just too much sadness in life right now to care about the small stuff. There have been too many babies taken from their parents. There have been too many negative tests to care about your schedule change. I am still feeling pretty fragile and raw, better then I was last week, but not totally "me".
I'm sure this is all PMS induced, but right now...it's the best I can do. I care about the bigger things right now, not the small ones. Give me some time, friends and I'll care again. Promise!
Sorry for the complete and total random and bitchiness of this post. KISSES!