May 9, 2009

Show and Tell: What I'm Remembering

Musings of A Beautiful Mess

This is what I'm remembering this weekend. My mom. I'm remembering her and I sitting in the sun on my nephew's birthday. I remember us laughing because the top of her head was getting sun burnt and we had to put sunblock on it. I remembering pushing her in her wheelchair so she could watch the kids play in the water. I'm remembering that day, it was so full of joy and fun.

When I think about my mom, I rarely think about the day she died. I can tell you exactly what happened. Right down to the packet the nurse handed to me and what my older sister did when my mom stopped breathing. But I choose to not think about that day, or the weeks that led to that day. I always think about that day in the park, or the drives we would take as a family, or her laugh. Her laugh was amazing and I have her laugh. That laugh is now mine. There is no way to fake it, either. It's almost like a cackle. It's a true laugh. We rarely heard that laugh toward the end, but I can still remember it. Probably because I hear it coming from my body.

I know she loves me and loved me like only a mother can and that's why these past few months, week especially, have been so difficult. Because her love and the love we shared was and is special. It will never die and the sadness I have will lessen, but never go away.

She is a part of me and I a part of her. She is looking down at me with her head cocked to the side and most likely clicking her tongue at me being so sad because she isn't here. I miss her so much, that it is hard to breath sometimes. But it is only because she was an amazing mother to me.

She taught me many things in her 30 years in my life. She taught me that no matter what, I am a strong woman. I am HER daughter and there is nothing more important then that life lesson.

I am remembering my mom, Judy. Not just because she isn't here to be with, but because she is my mom and I her daughter. A bond that will not and can not be broken, no matter what.

Go and see what every one else is showing this week.
Photobucket

30 friends have commented:

Kristin on May 9, 2009 at 10:12 PM said...

Oh Dani...that was truly a beautiful tribute to your mom. And, it shows what an incredible woman you are too.

Happy Mother's Day

Malky B. on May 9, 2009 at 11:00 PM said...

Great post about your mom. What a wonderful way to remember her.

The Unproductive One on May 9, 2009 at 11:29 PM said...

Oh honey do you realise how lucky you are to remember the good times? I'm so glad that, that day holds SO many wonderfully happy memories for you...

Much love my friend


xxxxxxx

Sassy on May 10, 2009 at 12:07 AM said...

This was a beautiful post. I'm so glad you have such strong loving memories of your Mum.

sassy on May 10, 2009 at 5:37 AM said...

Wow, truly beautiful.

Just Caz on May 10, 2009 at 5:38 AM said...

This is a beautiful post..

c by the sea on May 10, 2009 at 6:57 AM said...

i'm thinking of you today and i'm hoping these good memories will bring you through the day.

becomingwhole on May 10, 2009 at 8:23 AM said...

This is beautiful and amazing. I hope that today is easy for you and full of beautiful memories, that your purple gorilla, stays somewhere in the background, and that you can feel joy as well as sadness.

Lori on May 10, 2009 at 8:33 AM said...

I am so proud of you for going there, and for risking hurt to pull out these wonderful memories and sentiments.

It surely is an unbreakable and eternal bond.

Honoring Judy with you.

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL on May 10, 2009 at 8:37 AM said...

Lovely post from a strong, beautiful woman to her strong, beautiful mother.

HUGS!

Danifred on May 10, 2009 at 12:49 PM said...

What a beautiful post!
Hugs to you :)

cysteract on May 10, 2009 at 1:14 PM said...

A beautiful heartfelt and honest post .. a marvellous triblute to your mum and the bond you shared.

Honoring Judy with you today..as she clearly raised one cracking daughter.

You rock and are credit to your mother.

Luv and many hugs today Happy Mothers Day xX

Dora on May 10, 2009 at 1:33 PM said...

Beautiful post. Been thinking of you today.

JJ on May 10, 2009 at 2:58 PM said...

OK, I havent cried yet today...until I read your post. Simply beautiful...

alicia on May 10, 2009 at 3:49 PM said...

beautiful post. hugs

I agree, she is looking down on you and loving you still, I am glad you have such wonderful memories of her to look back on.

HUGS

Parenthood For Me on May 10, 2009 at 5:46 PM said...

I was away this weekend and thinking of you. Beautiful post about the relationship between you and your mom. Really wish I could give a big hug.

GeekByMarriage on May 10, 2009 at 6:26 PM said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful memories with us all. I have been thinking about you all day.

Liv on May 10, 2009 at 8:43 PM said...

Awe, D...this was beautiful.

Thank you Judy for bringing us my friend. I know you love her tremendously and one day you'll be there to hug her again. Thank you for giving her the sweet characteristics that I know you passed down to her. I feel like I know so much about you through your lovely daughter. I look forward to meeting you one day to thank you personally. (or spiritually as it were!)

CJ on May 10, 2009 at 9:41 PM said...

What a beautiful tribute to your mom.

SS on May 11, 2009 at 6:27 AM said...

A beautoful tribute to your mom. you had such a special relationship!

Martha on May 11, 2009 at 8:13 AM said...

Thank you for sharing this picture of your Mom and your love.
Happy Mother's Day to you and your Mom.

Thank you for your nice comment on my blog also.

Clio on May 11, 2009 at 9:08 AM said...

i find it really beautiful and healing that you inherited your mother's laughter. that you have it so clear that a piece of her lives through you, and makes its presence known in the world every time you cackle!
what a beautiful poem, the purple gorilla you shared a few posts back. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for stopping by my blog, for commenting, so I could get to know you and come here, and visit, and stay for a little bit. Keeping you company, in your grief. I'm glad the sign from the mourning dove helped you as well.
I'm sorry for your loss, for you missing her.
let's welcome our purple gorillas and befriend them. My mother once wrote in one of her canvases (I don't recall if this is an original verse or not, anyway it's a translation from Portuguese):
To your sadness
I'll add mine
Wing to wing
even without flying.

sunflowerchilde on May 11, 2009 at 3:44 PM said...

What a sweet, beautiful post. And how wonderful that it sounds like you are creating the same bond with your daughter that you shared with your mother.

JamieD on May 11, 2009 at 5:56 PM said...

What a beautiful post. It really grips my heart.

I love the way you choose to celebrate her life instead of mourn her death. Your Mom raised an amazing woman. I am so proud of you and I know she is, too.

Lynn Page on May 11, 2009 at 7:17 PM said...

Dani, that was amazingly beautiful. Your mom must have been very special to you, and I'm so sorry for your loss, but so happy that you have so many wonderful memories with her !!!! ((hugs))

Coffeegrl on May 12, 2009 at 4:58 AM said...

This is so lovely. What a wonderful tribute to your mother.

Deathstar on May 12, 2009 at 2:02 PM said...

I hate to repeat what has been said before, but I must agree that is such a beautiful tribute to your mum. A story worth telling.

Kristina on May 12, 2009 at 6:53 PM said...

I love this post. It's so hard not to let someone's death overshadow their life. Good job for remembering the good times. And I'm so glad I found your blog, it's a good feeling to know that I am not alone in my grief.

infertilityrocks on May 13, 2009 at 9:49 AM said...

So heartfelt. I can't imagine how bittersweet Mother's Day will always be for you now.

KimboSue on May 14, 2009 at 8:18 PM said...

((HUGS))

what a heartfelt post. And an awesome way to remember your mom.

Post a Comment

 

Life induces thoughts, Copyright © 2010 Designed by Ipietoon Blogger Template Sponsored by Online Shop Vector by Artshare - Blogger Template