May 9, 2009
This is what I'm remembering this weekend. My mom. I'm remembering her and I sitting in the sun on my nephew's birthday. I remember us laughing because the top of her head was getting sun burnt and we had to put sunblock on it. I remembering pushing her in her wheelchair so she could watch the kids play in the water. I'm remembering that day, it was so full of joy and fun.
When I think about my mom, I rarely think about the day she died. I can tell you exactly what happened. Right down to the packet the nurse handed to me and what my older sister did when my mom stopped breathing. But I choose to not think about that day, or the weeks that led to that day. I always think about that day in the park, or the drives we would take as a family, or her laugh. Her laugh was amazing and I have her laugh. That laugh is now mine. There is no way to fake it, either. It's almost like a cackle. It's a true laugh. We rarely heard that laugh toward the end, but I can still remember it. Probably because I hear it coming from my body.
I know she loves me and loved me like only a mother can and that's why these past few months, week especially, have been so difficult. Because her love and the love we shared was and is special. It will never die and the sadness I have will lessen, but never go away.
She is a part of me and I a part of her. She is looking down at me with her head cocked to the side and most likely clicking her tongue at me being so sad because she isn't here. I miss her so much, that it is hard to breath sometimes. But it is only because she was an amazing mother to me.
She taught me many things in her 30 years in my life. She taught me that no matter what, I am a strong woman. I am HER daughter and there is nothing more important then that life lesson.
I am remembering my mom, Judy. Not just because she isn't here to be with, but because she is my mom and I her daughter. A bond that will not and can not be broken, no matter what.
Go and see what every one else is showing this week.