Lately, I've been working on doing my best not to over analyze things. I'm taking things at face value and trying not to read into anything. This is not an easy task for me, but I am doing pretty....OK. OK, until Friday night.
My best friend and her boyfriend came down this weekend to see her kids and spend some time with her friends. I had plans to go out Friday, then canceled them to have a nice long talk with Husband about moving and such. It was less then fun, but it had to be done. She came over about an hour after Husband got home and kidnapped me. Husband was done talking about the move and willingly let me be kidnapped. I figured we were going to our old haunt to meet up with everyone else. Oh how wrong I was. They neglected to tell me we were on our way to some one's house whom I don't care to see socially.
I like this woman, she's a very kind hearted woman, but she is one of my son's teachers and I'd rather not see her socially because of this reason. I don't want to hear things that he has done at school that may be less then flattering or how "behind" he is in EVERYTHING. I know this, I've already come to terms with the decision and mistakes I made as his mother when he was at home with me. There is no thing I can do to change the past. I can't take back the years I didn't work with him on his ABC's, I can't take back the years he and I sat on the couch in our jammies, or went puddle jumping. I know I "failed" as a mom, but in my defense, I was going through the death of my mother and the thought of school seemed too far away to worry about. I know I don't have to defend myself, I know I am a good mom. Yes, I make mistakes, but there is nothing I can do about them now. I don't regret the years we played together. Not for one second would I take any of it back. We made memories and those memories are priceless.
Anyway....I walked into her backyard and she proceeds to tell everyone how she teaches Zilla. He is one of her "chickens". He is so cute, he is so funny, but "Danielle why in the hell did you not teach him his ABC's?!" This is the point when I take a big deep breath and tell her I wanted to play with him. "He is my last baby. The one I didn't think I could have. All I wanted to do was spend the time between his birth and starting school, playing and enjoying HIM." She goes on and on and on AND on, I am doing my best not to be offended. I am doing my best not to smack the crap out of this woman. Neither of which will get me anywhere, nor will it change the past. Yes, it will make me feel better, but it isn't productive to the situation. Plus, she is one of Zilla's teachers. I can't exactly smack the woman for asking a question, no matter how much it hurts or offends me. Rose and Sarah do their best to distract her into another conversation, but she wants nothing of it. She just wants to keep talking and talking about my son and what he does all day in school. She's asking me if she offended me, I tell her no. It wasn't a lie. I wasn't offended, per se. I just felt bad. I feel guilt because my son is so behind. I finally convince her I am fine, and we are off to a different conversation. Thank Goddess!!!!
I turn to Rose's boyfriend, lean down so he can hear me and whisper to him "sweetie, if you don't get me the hell out of here, I am going to rip that pretty little head of yours off your fucking shoulders and throw it into the fire behind me." He instantly stands up and says "OK, guys, lets go! We're suppose to be meeting some more friends." We say our goodbyes and I make a bee line for the car. He takes me aside and says "I've never been more scared of any women in my life then when you and Rose are together." I nod my head because that's exactly how it should be. He must always fear the two of us. My other friend takes me aside and asks me if I am OK. I take a deep breath and say "yes, it was just hard to hear that, but then again..the truth hurts and shit happens". The she tells me that the woman took her into a different room and told her some "confidential" things. I told her I didn't want to know what they are. I want to hear no more of this. I am over it, can we please go!!!!
Now, days later..I am stewing in this information. I can't stop thinking about it. Do I want to know what was told to one of my closest friends about my son or do I let it go? If I do find out, do I go to the principal with this information or to Zilla's teacher, or talk to the woman herself? She told me many times that she was asking me and telling me these things because of our "friendship". Which, in my opinion, we don't have. Yes, I know her socially. Her daughter is one of my close friends. She use to own the bar that we had our weekly "lady's nights" at. So, I guess we kind of have a friendship, but I wouldn't call her one of my friends. I'd say more of an acquaintance.
So I am a bit on the confused side. I don't know what to do. I just talked to Zilla's teacher and we already have a plan in place about his learning and such. I already know what he needs to work on. I already feel like the worst mother int he world, I'm pretty sure this information is going to make me feel like a complete and total failure, but...BIG but here...will this information help Zilla out, or will it just be everything I already know? Will it be something she said out of concerned like "he is so behind in the class" or "he is the most behind in the class". I just don't know. On one hand, I want to let it go, but on the other...I don't. I have a feeling this information will do nothing good for the education of my son. I have a feeling it's stuff I already know, but was it necessary for her to tell one of my best friends about it. That's the problem I am having. You can talk all the shit about me you want. You can call me a whore, a tease, a bad mom, whatever you like, but I draw the line at my children. You do not get to say "he's a bad student" to ANYONE. That's MY job, because I am his mother!