Apr 14, 2009

How To Make Your Husband Stutter

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
Actually, this is how I made MY husband stutter. After almost 16 years of marriage, I still got IT!

Easter was great! The day before I made all the pies, and didn't screw up any of them! Although, I did cheat and buy pie crusts, because I don't have a rolling pin. Either way, all FIVE of the pies were delicious.

On Easter Sunday, I prepared everything and put it all in the oven at the appropriate times. I put the ham in the oven and jumped in the shower. I hurry and shower, blow dry my hair and get ready for the day. As I'm in the bedroom, I decide to wear a dress. It was a little boob-a-licious, but I figured Husband wouldn't mind one bit. As I was getting my panties and bra to wear, I saw IT and was struck with evil thoughts. I grabbed my thigh highs and garter belt and put them on, put on my dress and then my knee high black boots. Yes, that's right, I totally whored up Easter.

I walk down the hall way as Husband was doing something. He turns around and I flash him my legs. He smiles and stuttered. From that moment on, he followed me around grabbing my ass and trying to get a peek at my thighs. It was great fun.

Then all of our guests arrived, everything went off without a hitch. Even when Husband was talking to his brother *who's back was to me* and looked up at me and I flashed him again. Poor guy got so lost, he couldn't even finish his sentence. I smiled and walked into the kitchen. He really wanted to start a "fight" with me so we could go into our room and "discuss" it, but I told him we couldn't do that. So, for hours with a house full of people who had NO idea what was going on, my poor husband couldn't think about anything but his "hot, sexy" wife. As you can tell, I feel VERY badly for acting like such a whore on Sunday *giggles*

I love the fact that after almost 16 years of marriage, I can still make my husband look twice at me. No matter how I feel about myself, he always finds me very sexy. That, right there, is better then anything else!

30 friends have commented:

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL on April 14, 2009 at 2:02 PM said...

"I whored up Easter!" ROFL.

YOU ARE AWESOME! Way to keep your marriage spiced up!

Work it, work it! :)

Kristin on April 14, 2009 at 2:23 PM said...

Good for you! Sounds like a hell of a lot of fun!

Kymberli on April 14, 2009 at 2:39 PM said...

Own it, Dani, OWN IT! :)

Frank and I do the same sort of stuff. That's what keeps the spark alive!

Heather and Jase on April 14, 2009 at 2:40 PM said...

Pics? Vids? LMAO! I was telling my husband of our texts on Easter and he was like "why don't you do that?"

Then I was all like "Cuz you have me on a strict budget and I can't buy that fancy shit."

Then he STFU.

The end!

nancy on April 14, 2009 at 2:56 PM said...

That is freaking awesome. I don't think my husband would even bat an eyelash lately. (grrr).

I loved loved loved "I whored up Easter". Right on. I spent it curled up in bed at my inlaws refusing the day and missed my kid's getting their easter baskets because I was hung over. I'm a horrible daughter in law.

Mel on April 14, 2009 at 3:14 PM said...

You are TOO freakin' funny! :) My husband would DIE for even a little flash/tease at this point in my pregnancy. He's decided that "pelvic rest" is a made up term straight from the devil!

Way to whore up Easter! Yeehaw!

sunflowerchilde on April 14, 2009 at 3:39 PM said...

Yay! I'm so happy your Easter went so well. I bet those pies were fantastic.

And you are hilarious! I think my husband would be thrilled if I did something like that ... you're giving me some ideas =)

At this stage, we could really use some, er ... stress-free romantic interludes that have nothing to do with baby-making.

Deathstar on April 14, 2009 at 5:39 PM said...

That man my dear is a keeper. I'm so jealous, I've always wanted to be a whore. Just once!

WiseGuy on April 14, 2009 at 6:41 PM said...

Ha Ha Ha! You totally rock!

Dora on April 14, 2009 at 7:17 PM said...

You go, hot mama!

kate on April 14, 2009 at 8:03 PM said...

Way to go, Easter-whore! Go you!

I do stuff like that to Heiko all the time. He'll be on the phone with his dad in Germany, and I'll walk by in some sort of slutty underthings and make him stutter. If that doesn't work (which it does unless he's talking about some distant relative who has just died- whoops!), I just sit on his lap in said outfit. That ALWAYS works...

Liv on April 14, 2009 at 8:45 PM said...

I love it!!! "I whored up on Sunday." Oh, LOL!

Ah yes, the power of thigh highs. Gotta love it. And with so many people in the house...you're such a tease! Poor husband.

Rock on with your sexy self sista.

Jenn on April 15, 2009 at 4:21 AM said...

Oh HELL yeah!!!

LMAO- You totally rocked it hon!

Gotta love the stutter.....it gives you such control doesn't it?

Props to ya for still being able to do that to him after 16 years!

You rock Miss Hotty Pants!!!!

JamieD on April 15, 2009 at 7:28 AM said...

You ~did~ whore up Easter! What a great idea!! I hope your husband knows how lucky his is to have caught a woman like you.

I hope my Hubby and I are still giving each other those looks after 13 years

KimboSue on April 15, 2009 at 8:54 AM said...

LMAO - that's awesome!

alicia on April 15, 2009 at 10:07 AM said...

sooo awesome! this post had me laughing on the ground! i love that after 16 years you still have that power over him, soooo awesome!

~*~Bodhi~*~ on April 15, 2009 at 4:11 PM said...

Sometimes Easter just needs to be whored up, so I want to thank you for starting the trend, perhaps you should see how many new recruits you can garner for next years Easter Whore Up?

If I'm lucky enough to have stuck to ANY diet between then and now and am myself looking Whorealicious, I will happily participate, whaddyareckon?

Love ya guts

xxxx

wereyoulookingforme on April 15, 2009 at 7:58 PM said...

What? No pictures? :-) You are awesome and your hubby is a very lucky guy! Maybe I'll try that with mine next weekend when we have a house full of guests.

SS on April 16, 2009 at 6:11 AM said...

You are hysterical. I need to pick up some tips from you! Glad the marriage is going strong-

cysteract on April 17, 2009 at 12:36 AM said...

ROFL .. you Rock!

You can't not love " I whore up Easter!"

Amen to that.

Coffeegrl on April 17, 2009 at 2:28 AM said...

OH my gosh! I love it. You whored up Easter?!! AWESOME! What a holiday to remember.

I lost my thigh-highs somewhere, but know that hubby would love it if I found them. I'm thinking it's time to get myself a pair, maybe I can whore up the 4th of July! ;)

Bec on April 17, 2009 at 4:47 AM said...

hahaha totally love it! Will have to remember that for next year! :D

Stacey K on April 17, 2009 at 7:08 AM said...

You are awesome! Great post!

natalie on April 20, 2009 at 9:06 AM said...

Hee Hee!!! That is awesome! Good for you! :)

Celia on April 20, 2009 at 10:45 AM said...

That is hysterical. Maybe you could start a new holiday tradition.

Stacie on April 20, 2009 at 10:32 PM said...

I love the "whored up Easter" line, too! Too funny. Maybe you started a new Easter tradition! Hehe.

Your Easter sounds a hell of a lot more exciting than mine! :-)

Katie on April 21, 2009 at 6:30 AM said...

Visiting for ICLW and what a great post! Nothing wrong with workin' it, even on a Sunday

Parenthood For Me on April 21, 2009 at 8:06 AM said...

That's so funny. You go girl.
ICLW

1tsp-grace on April 25, 2009 at 8:43 AM said...

Lucky, lucky girl!

Thanks for stopping by my "blog" and for your supportive comment!

ICLW

We have Angel Wings on April 25, 2009 at 4:21 PM said...

I love this post!

I was LMAO at "I whored up Easter!" I had an evil grin on my face and could picture your H all flustered and stuttering.

Easter will never be the same again. *sigh*

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