Apr 22, 2009

A Little of This and a Little of That

Musings of A Beautiful Mess
Uhhhh don't sit in the sun without sunblock. EVEN if you never get a burn. EVEN if you were wearing a white top and wasn't in the sum that long.

My dad is Indonesian and my mom had a bit of Indian in her, so I have a darker complexion and I never burn. I use to never burn. Now, apparently, I do. This was on Monday and it's now Wednesday and the burn is pretty much gone. It didn't hurt at all, but it was a pretty dumb move on my part. Now I have to break out the oil and the blanket and even up my back because that sport's bra tan line just looks ridiculous!

The game was last night and the Blazers WON!!!! WOOOHOOO!!!! It was a stressful game. Nobody was letting up on anybody. The refs decided that their whistles do, in fact work and were calling fouls. There were more fouls called in the first quarter then in the whole game on Saturday. But we won! It was a hard win, too. The final score was 107-103. EEK that's a little too close, guys. Next stop Houston to play in THEIR house. Good news is, that there will be a game 5 and that will be in Portland. *YAY* The Lakers won last night, too. Not too sure how I feel about that, though. I don't care for either the Lakers or the Utah Jazz, although it would be fun for the Lakers to beat Utah and then we can beat the Lakers *fans self* THAT would be an AMAZING series! And I'm sure Jenn is a happy girl today because HER Cavs won last night, too. Her and I are hoping for a Cavs/Blazer final, but we shall see. That was a pretty sweet dunk LaBron did, huh Jenn?

I need some advice, Internets. I have a roommate, whom I love. She's not a bad roommate. Nor is she a bad friend. She's gone through some stuff as of late. She is SLOWLY "coming out of the closet" to her family and a few of her friends. I'm very happy for her and I hope that when she decides to be honest with herself, this will make her a happier person. Right now, she isn't the same person she use to be. She's irritable, sleeps all the time, complains about her job, and ALWAYS goes to the bar. She's a single gal without any children, so she can pretty much do anything she wants. And she does and I've never passed judgement on her. If I disagree with a decision she's made or about to make, I'll let her know, but I'll always be there to support her. I'm aware that I can't make her happy unless she wants to be happy. I can't "fix" her. It sucks, but she needs to make this work on her own. The thing I need some help on is that her birthday is coming up and she wants to have a "rager" at our house, on a school night! I don't mind her having a BBQ and having a few friends over, drinking a few beers at all! What I do mind is her TELLING me that she will not be accountable for her or her friend's actions and it's her birthday and it's one day a year. Yes, it's a once a year thing, but our kids have to go to school the next day. If it was on a weekend, I'd see if they could stay at their friends' house or something, but not a Wednesday night!

I talked to her about it yesterday and she acted like I just told her she has to give up her truck. She was mopey and whinny. Both of which, drive me up a wall! I'm frustrated because I'm asking for a compromise and she's not willing to compromise. With her, it's all or nothing. Her life here int his house with us, really isn't so bad. We buy the food, I do all the cooking, Husband cleans the kitchen, the kids clean up after themselves. So all she really has to do is do her won laundry, keep her room clean, and heat up a plate of leftovers if/when she's hungry. Seriously, that's a pretty sweet deal! I wish I had a set up like that!

So my question is, do you think I'm being unreasonable? I know you're getting just the one side and all, but please give me your honest advice. Even if it's unflattering to me. I will not budge on the children staying here at their home. They will not be going to any body's house on a school night, but I am willing to make a BBQ work for her birthday.

I'm trying really hard to convince my dad to move closer to me. My sister isn't taking very good care of him. Well, she isn't taking care of him like I would. I know we're different, but dad is doing more taking care of her and her kids then she taking care of him. That bothers me a lot. My dad shouldn't have to be watching my sister's kid because their father doesn't want her new boyfriend to watch them. Really?!

OK, I'm out....this is getting long....er and boring....er
Have a great day!

24 friends have commented:

c by the sea on April 22, 2009 at 8:57 AM said...

i do not think you are being unreasonable AT ALL! It sounds like your friend is a little immature. If she wants to rage and party with her friends, I think she needs to find another location for it. Your children and your family should come first, and since it's a school night and they will be there, their well being needs to be the priority. Do you really want them witnessing a bunch of drunk people being obnoxious? And having them be kept up from the noise? I would see if maybe you could host a BBQ and ask that she and her friends go out to a bar or somewhere else by the kids bedtime, or tell her she can have the party on fri or sat so you can make arrangements for the kids to be out of the house.

good luck!

Anonymous said...

Man, I just typed some wonderful comments and lost them all! I hate when that happens.

I think c by the sea is correct in finding your roommate to be immature. She needs to respect your home, your wishes, and the needs of your family. As a kid, my mom would have all night parties that were really stressful for us. We were up from the noise and worried that some drunk person would come into our rooms. So tell her she has two choices: have a weeknight bbq that ends by 9 or 10 or a weekend party on a night when you can get the kids to sleep somewhere else. That is completely fair.

alicia on April 22, 2009 at 9:14 AM said...

ohh boo on the sun burn! ouch!

i think your friend is being kinda ridiculous here. She can`t expect that of you, it is your house, in which you have children who need sleep! Don`t feel bad, you did the right thing. She can grow up a little and do it on a weekend if it is that important to her! (the fact that you are even willing to let her have this party at your house at all is amazing to me! no way would I let that kinda of potential destruction near my ocd cleanliness! haha!)

Heather and Jase on April 22, 2009 at 9:36 AM said...

You know I'd tell you if you were being an unreasonable bitch. Sadly, you're not so I can't.
If she were a 50/50 roommate I could see her having room to argue but obviously she's not.
Stick to your guns, your kids need their sleep! Not a bunch of drunk people stumbling into their rooms to make out or pee in the closet.

Welcome to getting older.
I never burnt when I was younger. Then the suns rays bitch slapped me a week ago. I am now it's bitch.

Jenn on April 22, 2009 at 9:43 AM said...

You crack me up putting me all up in your post!! (love it!!!)

The BlAZERS did play one heck of a game. Checked it out on ESPN.com this morning! Excellent job on their part.

That LeBron dunk WAS the BOMB!!!!

Can't wait to see the rest of the play-offs!

As for the roomie:
You seem amazingly willing to compromise in this situation and she seems absolutely defiant.

You are 100% right to limit the activity going on in the house on a school night.
It's a total respect issue as far as I am concerned. If she respects your family and the house, she will compromise. It's that simple!

Even though it's only your side of the story, I get the feeling that you do A LOT of compromising for her. Let her suck it up this time!

HUGS and lots of ALOE on your
boo-boo back!!

The Mom on April 22, 2009 at 10:14 AM said...

I don't think you are unreasonable at all! I agree - your roomie is being unreasonable and immature.

8 )


Celia on April 22, 2009 at 10:19 AM said...

No you are not being unreasonable. What you have is an unnatural set up in that she is an adult but not living fully on her own as one.

It sounds almost like you are the parent she is rebelling against.

It is not a case of you are a parent and she has no kids, any responsible adult of any orientation would recognize that children must get sleep before school and you are ALWAYS responsible for your friends behavior while they are gets in your home.

While I am sure you love her, she is being a selfish pill right now.

DUDE your tanning abilities... even with the burn I am still jealous. My niece and nephew are half Puerto Rican and a quarter Morrocan. They tan instantly and beautifully. I ah half Irish and just break out in a gross rash.

Celia on April 22, 2009 at 10:25 AM said...

I totally forgot dude, if you really want to learn to cook I will be happy to answer any questions you have as well as suggest a few cookbooks.

Jill on April 22, 2009 at 1:18 PM said...

You're not being unreasonable at all! I've had to re-write this post about 5 times, because I'm having a hard time sensoring myself! It's your house and your rules. If she's going to act like a child, maybe you should treat her like one!

Cece on April 22, 2009 at 1:21 PM said...

Dude. Seriously? Tell her to grow up. OR move somewhere else where their isn't a family with KIDS! Geez. What a crazy request.

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL on April 22, 2009 at 1:40 PM said...

Sunburn = ouch!

As far as your roommate goes, in my opinion, it's YOUR house and $$ being spent on food and board, so what you say goes!

Dora on April 22, 2009 at 2:09 PM said...

Girl! Ozone layer = compromised = ouch!

Your roomie = seriously immature!

Kristin on April 22, 2009 at 4:33 PM said...

You are not being unreasonable at all. In fact, I wouldn't allow a blow out/not responsible for my behavior party at my house even on the weekend.

And, did you see the title on my post today? Bwahahaha, great minds think alike.

Parenthood For Me on April 22, 2009 at 6:42 PM said...

I think the fact that you are willing to compromise is enough. How could your friend not understand when there are kids in the house?
Sounds like you have a lot going on. Are you okay?

CappyPrincess on April 22, 2009 at 8:14 PM said...

Your birthday only comes once a year too, but I'll bet that you still have to be mindful of the needs of the other people that live in your house when it comes to celebrating.

There is nothing wrong with having her party somewhere else so that she does not have to "be responsible for the actions of her friends" (who the heck says that anyway?? I won't be responsible for people I'm inviting to your house. :shaking head:) or being respectful of the needs of your children to have a calm night before school.

ICLW (and just checking in :P~ )

Mrs. Gamgee on April 22, 2009 at 9:08 PM said...

I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to ask her to grab a clue. Your family's needs come first.

Heather on April 22, 2009 at 11:56 PM said...

Ouch, that sunburn doesn't look fun!

I don't think you're at all unreasonable for not wanting a huge crazy party at your house on a school night--or on any night, really. I've sat here trying to see it from the other side, and I just can't think of any justifiable reason for her to insist on it. Hope you guys are able to find a compromise.

In Due Time on April 23, 2009 at 3:00 AM said...

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I would tell her a BBQ and a few beers would be fine, but that it's a school night. Tell her if she doesn't like it, that maybe she can find another friends house to have it at.

Woo Hoo on WM! They knew you would bring me in if they didn't fix it, so they got skeerid! lol

Coffeegrl on April 23, 2009 at 4:09 AM said...

You know what? I've had several adult roommates in the last several years. And currently, we're living with my in-laws (kinda a roommate situation). When it was my house, I didn't think anything of laying down rules like this. Reasonable compromise is perfectly within your right as the primary owner/tenant. Let her have the BBQ, or weekend rager or whatever you're comfortable with - but ONLY what you're comfortable with. And I can tell you that in my current situation in which we're the "roommates" I cannot imagine asking for something so unreasonable or unfair. In my opinion you're totally in the right here and are being generous to a fault.

As for the sunburn - ouch!!!

Ms2Mrs on April 23, 2009 at 6:24 AM said...

Owie to the sunburn!!!

It does sound like your friend has a great deal. Honestly, I'm somewhat surprised that she would even ask to throw a 'rager' party esp. if you have little ones in the house.

You are trying to compromise with her, and I feel for her going through a rough time, but I do feel that you're in the right. The compromise you offered is a good one.

Maybe with a bit of time, she will see that you have a responsibility to your family, and while you are happy to help her celebrate, your children shouldn't see a bunch of drunks.

GL with this and let us know how it turns out.

WiseGuy on April 23, 2009 at 7:12 AM said...

Of course, you are being unreasonable. Why the hell does she have to do the laundry?

Ok just joking on that...I guess the only way out of the situation is through it. Why is she your roommate? Can't she now do up her own place? If it is the rent you are looking for, I guess, open face to face communication is the only way. It is a painful way, but truly the surefire way. She is a whiner anyways....so atleast she will have some sorry fodder to chew upon.

Congratulations on winning at Lori's game!


JamieD on April 23, 2009 at 5:15 PM said...

Are you kidding?!?! That would be the sweetest gig EVER. And it isn't even like you are saying "NO" - just asking for a compromise.

I get one good sunburn a year and it always leaves a really stupid looking tan line for me to look at the rest of the year. Grrrr . . .

sunflowerchilde on April 24, 2009 at 3:30 PM said...

I have teh same burn from my long bike ride last weekend. I actually forgot about it, so I haven't checked to see if it peeled or just faded. I guess I would have noticed if it peeled.

I think you're TOTALLY right about not wanting a rager at your house on a weeknight. I wouldn't put up with that even if I didn't have kids - I mean, people have to go to work, too. Don't any of her friends have jobs? A weeknight is not a typical night for a raging party, so I think she should have to prove that it IS a good idea instead of you trying to tell her it isn't.

But that's just my two cents.

Frau on April 24, 2009 at 7:30 PM said...

I think you are absolutely reasonable.

Oh, and I used to not burn either. I guess I've been chained to my desk too much and now my skin doesn't know what to do with sun.

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