I'm not sure exactly why I'm cranky today, but I am. It might be because Husband has a tummy ache and he isn't so pleasant to be round when he isn't feelin so well. It might be that we have A LOT of people coming over for Easter on Sunday and I haven't really cleaned much. It might be because I feel like everything is being done at the last minute and I'm going to go CRAZY on Saturday and Sunday. Or it could be that I was getting a class out of my cupboard this morning and I had a flash of my mom's face. It was weird. I'm sure it has to do with Easter coming up because that was always a big holiday in our house growing up. We would shop for weeks for the perfect Easter dress for my little sister and I. We'd have the shoes, tights, hat, and even a purse. We would go to church and then go to a relatives house for dinner and egg hunts.
Easter was the first holiday we had after she passed. We had to get over the first one in order to move on. Well, THEY had to get over the first one in order to move on. For me, this is my first one. Hopefully, it will be a good thing that EVERYONE is going to be at our house on Sunday and I won't end up in a puddle of tears on the kitchen floor gripping my wine bottle. Although, that would make a lovely holiday tradition. Oh how it would make my MIL frown and be SO concerned because she thinks I drink too much. Hmmm maybe I'll do it, just to throw a wrench in the day. Lets see how my ham turns out first. If I burn it, I'm going to end up on the floor clutching my wine bottle. If I don't, I'll play the "perfect DIL role".
Jenn has been making a gratitude list all week long. She's been in a bit of a funk herself and wants to list things she's grateful for. After reading her list today, I decided to steal her idea and make a list of my own. Hopefully I'll be able to get over myself and change my mood around. It's worth a shot!
I am grateful for:
1: My phone. If I didn't have my cell phone, I would be able to text randomly about nothing.
2: Chapstick. Without my chapstick, my lips would be so dry and cracked.
3: My bloggy friends. Without you, I wouldn't have anyone to whine too or celebrate with.
4: My friends IRL. Without them, I wouldn't have a social life and I'd be even MORE of a crabby bitch then I am right now.
5: My husband. Even though he isn't in the best of moods right now, it will pass and we'll be laughing and joking again.
6: My body: Yes, it's failed me many times, but there have been times when it hasn't failed me. Like being strong enough to run a MILE!
7: My cute coffee cup. It's a to-go cup and it keeps my coffee warm so I won't dump it out and waste it.
8: The grocery store. Where I can buy yummy delicious foods like kiwi fruit...mmmmm
9: Our hot water heater which allows me to take a HOT bath or shower after a long workout.
10: My ipod. I can plug the ear buds into my ears and block out everything else and get over myself!
Well now, that wasn't TOO hard. It improved my mood slightly, but hey, I'll take it!
14 friends have commented:
You deserve to feel however you want to feel. She's with you, that's all - it's unsettling, but why don't you talk to her today and let her know how much you love her and miss her and do something for her - it will be like a secret between you and her. Let the memory of her uplift you, honour her by preparing a lovely meal, caring for your children, Easter eggs and all.
Welcome the mood and the moment. If you experience it, then you can work past it. If you try to ignore it, it can become more and more insistent.
{{{Hugs}}} and I'm glad your list lifted you up a bit.
I hope that Easter goes off great, ham and all. If what makes the day bearable is a bottle of wine...Then know that I'll be toasting with you that day here in spirit in Michigan! ((hugs))
Holidays are hard when we've lost our loved ones. My dad's brother passed away on christmas and I don't think it will ever be the same, especailly for my grandmother. Do what you need to do to get through the day, MIL notwithstanding.
I agree screw MIL! You do whatever you need to get through this holiday. Get shitfaced and try to eat the PLASTIC eggs all the while pretending you are in fact the real Easter Bunny.
MIL can jump in a lake. What is a holiday without wine? Pish. Have some even if the ham is perfect.
Thanks for the blog plug....
As for your mood...Be right where you are at the moment! It's okay to feel it...It's healthy to feel it....wallow in the pissiness (is that a word?) if you want to, Just don't stay there long....we would miss you!
I think it's perfectly normal to be missing mom right now especially around Easter!
I say take out the COSTCO size bottle O' wine and go to town...screw the MIL!!!
FABULOUS gratitude list by the way!
Love ya much hon!
Sorry you're feeling down and in a funk. Great list though. We should all be grateful for our indoor plumbing and hot showers.
I left you a present at my blog.
awwwww. i'm sending you good vibes and prayers for your Easter. i know it will be hard. but you will get through it... better to do that with family and friends, and not the wine glass. ;) although, wine has its place too!! haha
now, chocolate on the other hand... :) or easter eggs...
i completely understand being in a funk. i am in a total funk this week. i think i'll steal your-alls idea and post a list of what i'm grateful for, too!!
melissa
Don't be in a mood my friend. I especially love Deathstar's comment and would say that sounds like a great plan. I also offer to sit on the floor with you, put my arm around you, and help you drink that bottle of wine :)
I'll be thinking of you and sending you good thoughts on Sunday. And since our time zone is several ahead of you, they'll reach you before you even need them!
You crack me up! I hope your Easter goes better than expected and you get through it just fine. Hopefully having a lot of people around will distract you and keep you busy.
i like the list idea! good way to think of the positive things! sorry Easter will be a hard holiday for you, i think you deserve that wine bottle burnt ham or not! HUGS
*hugs*
I heart you. That is all.
I agree with all that you should do what YOU need in order to make it through this holiday.
If it goes off without a hitch - the great!
If you just can't deal and want that bottle of wine - drink up. If it makes you feel better to drink 2 bottles and then barf in MIL's purse then go for it.
nice list!
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